How bad are you at body language ect?

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I'm just wondering abot everyone's self assessments in this regard cause as someone who made to to age 24 w/o suspecting myself of anything even remotely like AS...

i never thought i was that bad at body lanuguage ect! yet i've gathered from a variety of sources that i, myeslf, don't really display many... ie- i have the blank face/stare/tired look (im especially tired of that one)

don't get me wrong... ive had awkward moments galore and have misinterpretted people left and right... but i never attributed it to a lack of ability to read body language. in fact, i'm still not sure that i have any real issue with that. i think my biggest problem is literal thinking and interpretation of people's words and such... that's pretty clearly cut.

and as for theory of mind/empathy ect.... it's a kinda similar line of thought....... i put motives ect to people all the time and i do try to be empathetic (are you not empathetic if you comiserate but for the wrong reasons?)

these are just kinda some of the criteria things that bug me the most.... maybe these areas are just not a prominent in people with less severe AS...

i almost wanna say that none of those things should apply cause i do read bodylanguage/account for motives ect/empathize.... but maybe it's more a matter of just defining the rules for these things in autistic/AS people? i identify with that better cause i feel like i do all these things... they just never come out right or result in the same outcome as other people (which is necessary in order for positive interactions)

thoughts?

Everyone says that about me as well...
I have no idea how good I am with body language. I used to think I was fine with it, but I've since found out I've often misread a person's body language, or completely missed something which was suppsoed to be obvious. So I guess I don't. It works the other way round too; no one seems to read me well either.

anyone who thinks they can read peoples thoughts or emotions from body language are seriously deluded.
ive spoken to a guy who works for national security who has been taught how to detect the micro-cues of lying, he told me the books are nonsense and the stuff he does you dont read in any books.
it's all pattern recognition anyway.

as for giving off body language signals: well manipulating people is easier; you can make or break rapport quickly by certain methods.
my problem is multitasking, once i start speaking (rarely) or listening (sometimes), then my awareness of 'body-language' is zero.

edit: as for theory of mind, i do not have any. most of the time i am not aware of the fact that other people have emotions. so to read them from body-language and interpretation of motive is nonsensical.
there is pattern recognition, that is all.

It is just pattern recognition in NTs so it would stand to reason that a) your brain is not receiving the data at all to pattern it (i.e. you take in no body language cues), b) your brain receives it but does not process it at all (i.e. you receive it but don't recognize that you have or respond to it) or c) your brain receives it but does not respond correctly to it (i.e. smile when someone is crying). It can be any variation in between. It's all inputs and outputs with something working differently at any point. So it makes perfect sense to me that you are taking in the body language or being empathetic, but reacting to it differently than others think you should.

I am terrible at all but the most blatant body language. I was in my 20's before I ever knew that (my dh explained it when he noticed I wasn't picking up on it) and before that, I assumed everything was fine (I mean how can you know if you don't even see it?) In my 20's and 30's I had class after class at work about body language and it helped very little. I do best with people I have known for a long time. It's as if I can learn them and begin to put it in context. I have the worst time with strangers.

I absolutely suck at reading eyes. I thought I was doing really well with that, then took that Baron-Cohen test and only GUESSED two right and they were complete guesses. All of them looked the same to me. I've since realized that is true when I'm with people. All of their eye contact and body language looks exactly the same to me. So either I'm not getting the input at all, my brain isn't responding to it at all or I'm getting it but my brain sends the wrong signal to interpret it. Something is clearly not working the way it should with that.

I keep trying. Someday I hope they invent something to interpret for me. I would really like to be able to read strangers better. I wouldn't feel so vulnerable.

I'm pretty good in body language. I'm even kinda oversensitive about that. But i don't use it myslef, i just read it. Funny thing, i used to be reaallyyy terrible at that... Now i only lack more complicated social skills. (which actually seem to be much more important than body language >_<)

I notice that NT's touch each other when talking. They hug over the least little thing too. I study them in order to learn how to fit in better, but I'm very cautious about doing these things. Before I knew about AS, I didn't know why I was so afraid to try them. Now, I know that I was instinctively protecting myself, in case I was reading their body language wrong, and they wouldn't be receptive to such behavior. In other words, I know NT's do these things, but I'm afraid I won't do it at just the right moment/with the right person, and they'll think of me as a weirdo. If I'm feeling especially social one day, I notice that I can touch a person's arm when speaking to them. It seems to be received fairly well, and sometimes even reciprocated, but I don't do it often, just in case.

I think a lot of NT's perceive me as being cold. It's probably the result of a mixture of being cautious and also, like others have said, not changing my expression enough. I try to do it manually, but then I come off as phony. In reality, I think I probably have more feeling for others than the average NT. Just because I'm not able to properly show it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It's a matter of "still waters run deep."

Last edited by kiki3 on 23 May 2007, 2:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

What's an NT ?

I don't do the huggy, gushy thing with anyone but my kids. My in-laws all think I am rude but I really don't know why touching another person is important in a social situation. And I have serious issues with the body odor and breath of other people. I would rather not gag when touching someone!

Last edited by blessedmom on 23 May 2007, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Neurotypical (normal people)

My in-laws aren't crazy about me either. They gossip about me horribly, because they just won't accept me for who I am. They've pretty much blamed me for them having next to nothing to do with their grandchildren. For the life of me, I could never understand what I supposedly did wrong. When a new SIL entered the family and also didn't get along with them, I finally heard (from her) that they want me to be more like another one of their daughters-in-law, who hugs and kisses on them. She even climbed into bed with my MIL once to comfort her when she wasn't feeling well. They just can't understand why I'm not like that! Now that I only see them once a year or so, they always hug me when greeting. I do hug them back, but no matter what I do, it will never be good enough for them.

I can't say it enough: Finding this site has helped me understand and accept myself for the first time in my life. Previously, I would go over and over failed social attempts, trying to figure out exactly what in the world I did wrong. I was able to pick up on the fact that people thought I was getting it wrong; but, for the life of me, I could never change to be what everyone expected. I guess that's where the body language and social signals weren't being properly processed. Now, I know I'll never get it right, in the eyes of NT's, so I don't beat myself up about it. Still, it doesn't stop me from continuing to learn to fit in as well as possible. It makes me feel immensely better to know that I'm not alone in all this.

http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/Faces/EyesTest.aspx

I just took the Cohen-Baron eye reading test and did very well on it. I got a 30.

It proves what I believe to be true. I'm good at reading when people think I'm weird; I just don't understand why -- what I have done to get the reaction. It would almost be better if I couldn't read them. Then, I could be happily oblivious to how they feel about me.

On the Aspie quiz, my score said I was part NT and part Aspie. I guess it's the NT part of me that can read others.

I was a psych major,so I did learn some basic clues but the fact that I have to "think"....oh,this person is touching their mouths,they may feel self concious,means it is an intellectual process and not instinctual.I also think some people can pick up om these ques over the years,so you maybe better now then when you are a kid.(Which is why it is more difficult to DX in adults).However,if you have problems multi-tasking or are dealing with sensory overload or CAPD,doing this intellectually is much more difficult.Most of my energy and focus is just to try and construct a sentence and not saying anything offensive,I dont have the extra cognitive ability to desipher their "voodo" while doing this.It is much easier when I am just taking in information(like reading a book or watching TV/Movie.....Then I think I am very good at doing it.

Empathy......I think I am hyper-sensitive in some ways and oblivious in others(like when the persons reaction is illogical to me).I have had a lot of painful experiences(physical pain,depression,hunger,fear,anxiety),so people experiencing these things,I can feel a lot of empathy for,I think.I tend to have more empathy based on how I see my own past experiences in the person....Showing it is another thing all together.I will fight for them but done do to well at offering a shoulder to cry on(hate that).

That is just like I am.

Yeah. Good at reading (played a lot of poker), but really bad at giving the right
signs.

I agree, Blessedmom. I hate when I run into an old acquaintance, and they approach with both arms out flung, as if to suffocate me. I'm only into hugs with relatives, and then they're insultingly brief I also hate when riding the bus in the summer, and someone's bare, sweaty arm touches mine.

It's all Greek to me. Even when I'm not in Greece.