Please help with awkward romance thing

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I signed up specifically for help with this question, so sorry to dive right in so to speak... also I'm posting in this sub-forum because I'm in my thirties and want mature input from people with some life experience.

Here's the deal. I've been single for a few years, but am still good friends with my ex, who was the one who broke up with me (important detail.)

There's another guy who I care a lot about and have been hugely attracted to for some time, but nothing has happened between us except for flirting. (I think. My flirting detector isn't stellar, thanks autism.) I am going to be spending some significant amount of time with him soon (long story; not that important) and I am really really hoping that things are going to move beyond friendship during that time.

I think, based on how we are with each other, that he has feelings for me, but the catch is, he is also friendly with my ex, and I'm pretty sure he is worried that he'd be betraying my ex and hurting him if anything were to happen between us.

However, my ex knows that I am crazy about our mutual friend, and has been adamant to me that he is absolutely fine with us getting together or hooking up or whatever, given that he's the one who broke up with me and is completely over it and happy to be just friends with me. In fact, he thinks we'd be a great pair and is rooting for it to happen.

I wish the guy I have feelings for knew that my ex has explicitly given me the go-ahead to be more than friends with him. BUT I don't know for sure that this guy shares my feelings or wants to start anything. I'm terrified that if I come out with something like, "hey, fyi my ex is totally cool with us doing whatever" he'll be very uncomfortable if he doesn't want to be more than friends and it will get really awkward really fast, and our friendship will be ruined.

But I'm also worried that if I don't volunteer that information, he will assume I'm off limits and refuse to act on romantic/sexual feelings if he does share them.

So as you can see, I'm in a bit of a pickle, and any guidance would be most appreciated. Thanks in advance!

I wouldn't rush, let the thing grow. At the moment I would rather build a really close friendship than a romantic relationship. The latter may follow, a good friendship is a great foundation for a romance but failed romance can ruin a friendship.
I also have no idea wheather your ex was sarcastic or not. Would be cautious here. If your ex is NT, I would let them settle the thing between themselves.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

I wonder, if your ex is rooting for you to get together with this guy, and also knows him very well, it could well be that your ex has already said or hinted that your previous relationship is now purely platonic. At the same time, it would be crass and impolite of your ex to explicitly tell his friend that he knows you are interested, and it's respectful of him not to let on.

Even if that's not the case, my experience of male friends suggests that if you showed an interest, and this guy was concerned whether it might affect his friendship with your ex, he would probably just go and ask him. There seems to be some sort of "code of honour" amongst male friends when it comes to that kind of thing. I can't say I really understand it, as it seems rather possessive to me, but it's something I've seen and heard often amongst my peers. So, as magz says, I wouldn't worry too much about that part of it, your ex and his friend will most likely sort that out amongst themselves for the sake of their own friendship, if they haven't done so already.

One thing I would definitely NOT do, is to ask your ex for help "breaking the ice." I've seen quite a few guys get cold feet over dating somebody if they feel like their friends or relatives are trying to match-make for them; it seems to dent their pride somehow.

As for the "flirty", "how to show your interest part", I can't really advise. My own "flirt radar" requires a woman to wear an "I fancy you" T-shirt while blowing kisses at me for a month before I get the message!

I think I'd say, trust what your ex said. As far as being over it.
A few years ago, one of my best (male) friends knew that his friend, with whom he'd had a sort of long off and on relationship with, was interested in me. I really had no idea she was, but he was able to hint that she was interested in me and make it clear that it wouldn't bother him if her and I hit it off. That he would be happy if her and I really hit it off together. It didn't work out between her and I, really. I'm still not actually sure what happened. But all of us are still friends.
So as for that part of it, I'd say trust him and go for it.
Maybe, ask your ex if the other guy has said anything about you. Something like that. If they're friends they must talk sometime. It may have come up. He may even be able to kind of clear the air for you, without playing match maker or getting carried away.
Other than that, I'm pretty oblivious to subtlety. I don't really know how to flirt and I don't really know when someone is flirting with me.

Depending on the circumstances surrounding "spending some significant amount of time", given that you're "hugely attracted" to him, and assuming he's attracted to you, I'd just proposition him.

If he hesitates for the reasons given, try to explain as best you can why it's not a problem. Hopefully he's not enough of an idiot to question that.