Adapting to elderly mother with Alzheimers as an autistic?

Post Reply New Topic

My mom got diagnosed with Alzheimer's in an emergency fashion and is now living near me in an assisted living facility. We were never close. She was abusive. Now I have power of attorney and am basically functioning as her parent which is WAY too much change for me to deal with well to start with. Just dealing with the complete mess of the house and her paperwork has been very good at keeping me on the edge of meltdown when I have been up there to deal with it (it's three hours away). The biggest issue I have is dealing with the forgetfulness and delusions. It's very hard for me to patiently repeat the same thing I just said over and over. And it is VERY hard for me to "humor" her delusions.

I'm really good with kids. I can teach them things over and over. I can play imaginary games with them as long as I understand their rules. However I am having one heck of a time translating this to dealing with my mom.

Anyone have any experience or advice to share about coping with a parent with Alzheimer's and the mental gymnastics the adapting to it takes?

I don’t know if this will help but.... I teach exercise classes for people with dementia and their care givers. I recently attended a “workshop “. It was a Virtual Dementia Tour. They kit you up with equipment so that you experience things loke a person with dementia might. Then you go into a room, get given instructions to follow and are left alone for a set time. Having seen a video of the process at another workshop I had an idea of what to expect. It still was unnerving. I ended up clutching a little plushy and talking out loud to myself! Maybe contact a local dementia or Alzheimer society for advice- general and to see if they have anything like this Tour. I wish you well.

I take care of a spouse with Alzheimer's. I find I have learned the most from a caregivers support group. It's easier to accept the changes associated with dementia if you learn a few tips of the trade. For instance, don't argue with a delusion; just redirect the person.

But I have to say, I would have much less desire to try with a parent who had been abusive. Were you the only child?

My partner is generally mild tempered and it is easy to love and forgive someone like that. In your case, you can probably benefit by limiting your visits both in frequency and in duration.

Also, join an online support group for Alzheimer's caregivers if you don't have a local support group. You can ask all kinds of questions and learn strategies. Good luck.