juASp wrote:
Hi everyone, new here and a pleasure to be here. Curious why there's a "womens section" but no "mens section"? =)
Anyway, I'm a self-diagnosed aspie, never been formally diagnosed because I can feign acting normal if I invest enough energy into it, particularly with psychologists, but deep down I know I've had this since I was young given the way I've always been perceived by others and the way I view the world. I'm 33 now.
I noticed when walking that sometimes people say I walk like a robot. When standing still I'm unsure where to place my arms. Any "normal" moving or randomly moving my hand to appear relaxed is entirely forced and learned. Eye contact, small talk etc I can do when I'm in the right frame of mind, but prolonging it is not possible. Being naturally present and laid-back is not possible. If I take enough weed, stimulants and depressants at the same time I can be the life of the party, randomly kissing girls and building comfort with everyone, deep eye contact, minimal but slow and meaningful verbal communication with a lot of body language and confidence etc. At all other times I'm the opposite - I lack confidence and social abilities. It's almost as if some neuroreceptors are not being activated normally. I've tried every prescription drug combination you can think of, none of them are a solution.
The most difficulty I have is with non-verbal communication and body posture. No matter what I do, I can never make any of it feel natural, and if it looks natural, it's only because it's forced. I can only appear normal for short periods of time with intense focus, which quickly drains me. This even goes for things as simple as standing still like a normal person whilst waiting in a check-out line at the supermarket.
Just wondering if anyone else experiences this?
Welcome to wrong planet.
It is pretty typical for those on the spectrum to have an atypical gait and different non verbal communication which causes problems with other people.
The drugs you are taking probably are lowering your inhibitions as they often do. They are likely not making you less socially atypical just socially atypical in a much more outgoing way.
I don’t know why you would want to feign normal for your psychologist.
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
07 Jun 2018, 10:21 pm
