Pacing My Emotions

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The biggest challenge that I face, socially, is: "how much emotion is acceptable in any given situation?" I mean, compared to this, the eye contact thing was a piece of cake.

I remember that as a child (in the '60s), I had no emotional filters - I got teased & beat up a lot. Seeing Mr. Spock on Star Trek was a revelation to me - "Ohhh - he *controls* his emotions!" That led to a different kind of teasing - but served me well for most of my life.

I've always felt that, while NTs have analog emotions (a continuous scale), I have digital emotions (on/off).

Lately, I've started experimenting with "changing the clock speed" on my emotional processor. Imposing a conscious waiting period to try and match my emotional level to the people around me.

If anyone remembers "The Fall & Rise of Reginald Perrin," it's like CJ responding to a knock on the door:

"One, two, three, four -
Let them sweat outside the door.
Five, six, seven, eight -
Always pays to make 'em wait.
Nine...ten...
Come!"

It gives me that extra bit of time to consider whether my intended emotional response is really appropriate. (Sometimes, it has allowed me to keep from saying something I'll regret - and other times, it has allowed the other person to catch up to me.)

Does this make sense to anyone else?

hooo boy this did resonate with me, certainly.

the on/off is a true and accurate description, i have always used the well rehearsed line that AS are unable to modulate their emotions appropriately, it is either too much or too little and rarely just right.

i too am now more reflective less reactive and i tend to wait deliberately longer than normal to "see" what is happening around me.
i find that my first response/impression is invariably the wrong one.
and with a little patience i can learn to modulate my response and i usually do nail it correctly.

i am a true beleiver that the enemy for most people, including AS is always in us.

Apparently I have problems with this too. People frequently interpret my expression of anger as far more intense than I'm really feeling it. I don't know why. No personal attacks, no yelling...I don't know.

As a female, people always attribute it to the idea that I'm having my period.
I feel like female emotion is, unless you're they're mother or lover, quite irrelevant to most people.
But I'll leave that for another post.

Emotion is a real problem for me. If the emotion is not too intense it seems to come out opposite what I'm really thinking or feeling. This is one of the traits that I hate

QFT.
Applies strongly to me.
Frequently have intense opposing (contradictory, paradoxical) emotions towards various things/people, so even "simple" situations activate myriad struggling/competing reactions.

Feel both ways simultaneously (or in rapidly alternating succession)-"black" & "white" (mindset of: extreme yes/approach & extreme no/avoid)-not moderate/mild, "grey" or "in-between" (mindset of: maybe, nonchalant/blase/flexible, either way is fine with me).

No, am not bipolar-just emotional, obsessive, and wordy.

Sometimes I can do this & it resolves itself within a few minutes, hours, or days-but more time doesn't necessarily get me any further in being able to make a decision or behave how I'd like. Am not picking on your comment, only providing my caveats.

Hard to estimate how often this is case for me, but certainly would be valid in some instances. Making the determination of which examples belong in "misleading inaccurate first impressions" category vs. belong in "accurately representative first impressions" category is the challenge.

yes the cockiness and surety of adolescence (im right you morons) has given way to a more reflective cautious approach.
even thou i tend to observe and consider my observations more. i still think im always right. but i know, from experience i have been wrong.

is it maturity?

perhaps. a function of age and experience

but self awareness helps.

im always right but i have been wrong just as many times.