Eating

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Hi. I'm a newbie.

So here's how I realized I have autism -- at age 54.

My wife loves to have conversations during meals. I find it maddening. She views eating as a way to socialize. I view it like going to the bathroom -- you sit down, do what you need to do, and leave. This and other disconnects have her thinking about divorce.

So when we talked to a therapist about it, the possibility was brought up that I have autism. And she's probably right.

I was the "odd" kid in elementary school, middle school, high school and college who always ate by himself -- and saw absolutely nothing wrong with it. Of course today, if a kid eats by himself/herself, the school psychologist gets involved. And in the '70s and '80s, the attitude was "He's shy, he'll grow out of it."

So am I the only one who really, REALLY prefers eating alone? How do people deal with times when they must eat and socialize?

i prefer eating alone.

I also prefer eating alone and don't view eating as a social thing. I actually get really self-conscious when I have to eat in front of anyone other than my immediate family, feeling like people are judging everything about how I eat, what I eat, how much I eat, what speed I eat, etc. I would always eat by myself in school too, and preferred it. In college, when I was eating in the dining hall, I'd bring a book to read so I'd look busy and no one would think I looked lonely (which I wasn't) and come sit with me.

Once in a while I would prefer to eat with someone

But not just anyone

Precious lil "people" keep telling me that my foot is "healthy" (exotic bean salad) or "not healthy" (Butterfinger). Or "next time, spoon". (How I am eating).

What I eat is specific. Plenty of lil dipshits find it wierd what I eat

Some b***h had the nerve to squawk "eew" when I wiped my mouth with my sleeve



b***h please worry about your mouth, not mine

I remember this coming up as a topic on another autism forum once, and it’s quite a common issue. Many on the spectrum like to eat and run, and it can be a learned art almost, to take your time, share a conversation with your partner, and connect. It can be an opportunity to chat about plans together, maybe the next movie you’d like to see together, or trips/plans for adventures together etc. It can really make a huge difference in a relationship, being able to “connect over dinner” and if that’s missing, it can feel like something’s just not right. You’re definitely not alone, though. I think that if you value and love one another, it’s worth the effort to “try” to give each other what you need to feel fulfilled in the relationship. Think back to the early days of your relationship. How did you form that initial bond? Was it over dating with meals together, picnics etc? Maybe it wasn’t ... but you had to have interacted somehow over common interests maybe?

Think of it as a chance to ask each other about your day, a chance to show each other that you enjoy being together ... Alot of couples on the spectrum actually spend very little time together overall in the day, but you need to connect on some level, to keep the connection healthy and to show that you care. Time together should be precious.

I grew up in a large family that was very spectrum-friendly, and meal times were a lovely time to share what was going on in our lives, have some laughs, and make some future plans. There was almost always music in the background too, as we were a very musical family.

If it’s honestly excrutiatingly painful for you to eat together and share your lives in that way, then you need to be connecting in other ways, doing other things together to compensate for that. Sometimes, you’ve got to put the effort in, to reap the rewards in a relationship. Even if it doesn’t feel natural, at first. It’s never too late to try. If I were you, I’d be making it clear to your wife that you value your time with her, and that she means the world. Hope she, in turn does the same for you.

I didn't used to think about it at all. I'd go on a date or a business lunch and sometimes end up wearing about 5% of my food without noticing till after. Once I got married and had kids, I internalized a critical voice that told me how to behave proper and set a good example. It was then that I began to prefer eating alone.

I used to prefer eating by myself when I lived with my parents cuz they were very critical & nitpicky about the way I ate. I found eating when I was alone in the kitchen easier than dealing with getting into an argument with my parents that would lead to me having a meltdown & then me & my mom being very angry with each other for the rest of the day & me getting punished as a kid because of my behavior when I had the meltdown. I never really had a problem eating around anyone else thou & the issue with me eating around my parents got better in my 20s. I didn't have the issue eating in front of my parents when we were out because they didn't nitpick & weren't very critical of me due to them not wanting to cause a scene.

I love eating, and prefer to do it on my own so I enjoy the food 10x more.

I hate eating with anyone who isn't immediate family. I always go to great lengths to avoid it and will at least sit as turned away from everyone else as I can, and preferably in a spot that is as secluded as possible, for several reasons.

I actually like eating with immediate family, but it should be said that for the most time we eat seated at 2 or 3 different places in the living room, depending on how many of us are eating together. When we eat dinner we usually watch a movie or a couple of episodes of a series while we eat, which is really enjoyable. It's social while not being social or in each other's faces. I didn't have any qualms with eating around a table with my family, but I prefer the way we usually do it.
Eating in itself is boring and before we started watching something together, I often read while I ate. Breakfast is often eaten while I listen to something on YouTube.