Scared and worried

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Been a while since I posted just been busy and it's been a horrible Xmas as me and my partner's mum had to have him sectioned for his own safety.

He's spent Xmas in a mental health ward which was depressing as he never got to spend Xmas at home.

What makes me worry is the following. We been told that grief counseling is going well which I'm glad but he's also mentioned he's spent ages committing self harm which makes me look stupid cause I had no idea as he said it was all work related.
It didn't help that his mum mentioned alone that I was also distracted by having my two one night stands which I regret every second.
I'm also worried that he's mentioned that his ex girlfriend who was his dead daughter's mother has visited him a few times and talked about stuff which makes me worry she's making a move as she had clearly admitted she still loves him and it was him that walked away.
I'm torn because I want to help him and I love him but part of me worries if he gets back on his feet he may leave me for his ex cause it's starting to become clear it was his daughters death that made him leave.
But if I leave I'm worse than scum as I want to support him but is it spiteful to stay and expect him to stay because I stayed with him

There just seems to be a lot of toxic stuff at work here. If you don’t mind me asking, why did you cheat on him? Maybe neither of you are getting what you need out of this relationship.

Anyway, the focus should not be on romance but on his wellness. If he had to be admitted against his wishes and has spent a significant amount of time inpatient, the focus needs to solely be on his recovery. It’s really hard to leave those places and be hit with loads of stress and drama. It could lead to a relapse.

The most important thing is to keep things as stable as possible and avoid making any big, life-changing decisions until he’s back on his feet.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear but maybe this relationship isn’t ideal for either of you. For the time being, you just need to be patient and see how things go.

We have has issues and we went into couples therepy.

Im disgusted that i cheated and its my fault but it was the case at the time i got us into debt with me mismanaging my credit cards and he treat me at the time like a child so I went out and drank and twice slept with a woman as im bisexual.

I regret everything and there was a time where i went off the rails yet he found enough in him to forgive me and try and fix things. I dont want to leave him it tears me apart been here without him but it destroyed me to go with his mum and push for a section against his wishes. Hes undergoing grief counselling and talking about the loss of his daughter.
I do want to support him more than anything I just worry that i help him get back to his feet and his ex walts in and takes him.

Help him get back on his feet. If he is thinking straight, he will know you love him. If he isn't, he will come back to his senses and know.
But for now, concentrate on him. I take it the child he lost was from the relationship he had with his ex.? He may need to talk things through with her at times as well. Do not worry. She was probably grieving as well even though she may not show it.

All you can do is be there for him and support him.

Do you know something. As a man, the women of my dreams is there in my time of need. Many fancy women may come and go in ones life (Speaking from a mans point of view) but the one who is there and willing to stay through thick or thin. She is the "Gem" a man needs.

You are that "Gem". You may have made mistakes. Who hasn't in life? Just be there for him and wait. If he comes to his senses, you'll be there to catch him.

Second MG's comments. If he's down in the dumps this much I'd say avoid worrying about the potential competition. If his ex thinks he's in there struggling with the same thing she is - I can see why that conversation would be inevitable, and it's a bit like she's somewhat obligated to chew it over with him right now regardless of how it looks. She may or may not be making a pass, what he does is up to him. I say be there for him in whatever way you can and - if he does run off with her - that's on him, just stay in the clear with your own conscience and be able to look in the mirror knowing that you did the right things every step of the way.

I decided 2 days ago when he told me that she asked him why he left and then said she still loved him and never stopped and while she said it would be upsetting to me she thinks that given the chance she and him can pick things uo and start again.

After he told me this I was fuming as I feel she's taken emotional advantage but he said he told her that even if he did still loved her in a way he and her could work he could never be with her because he loves me and he said that she looked too much like his daughter and based on the pictures he's now letting me look at I can see a resemblance.

I went over to her house angry and demanded a word and I admit that at the time I wanted to hit her basically I wanted her gone but after I blasted her for making a move on someone who is emotionally not together as he's still in mental health unit.

She ended up breaking down saying that I don't need to worry as he loves me and even if he didn't he would never come back to her as she reminded him of his dead daughter. She then spoke about how he changed after the death how detached he went he stopped sleeping with her, he refused to even kiss and cuddle her let alone make love to her. She admitted that she never stopped loving him but she now needed to finally accept he was never coming back and she needed to move on.

I worry she might be emotionally manipulating me but I don't think she was. I'm maybe thinking they both carried this emotional burden and now they both been faced to confront it.

It's been hard going home alone without him been there to cuddle me but I take solace that he is getting better he refuses to take any anti depressants though which the hospital said may hasten his recovery.

They also said that he has a extreme form of survivors guilt but he's talking more. Thankfully his work has been understanding and placed him on sick though they have mentioned that he's not logged any workplace injuries besides the ladder one which nearly killed him but they said he's on sick so nothing to worry about there.

Need to keep fighting though won't lie getting hard sleeping in a bed for two on my own.

(What I write I hope will be of help. If it is not, dissregard it. I am trying to help and it is hard to know what to say as I am someone who may not be good at these things, but I will write anyway and hope that what I write is ok).
It is so difficult. I think what she said was what happened, as I can't see a reason for it not to be as she said. No doubt the stress of losing a child would have caused them to drift apart.
All you can do is apologize to her and be there for him. I think all of you have gone through really difficult times in difficult circumstances. About the past. No one can change the past as much as we want to. All we can do is try to make things good now.
Looking at what happened between him and his ex wife. Oh gosh. No one would have wanted that, and he could not face staying as the memories he had... He found you and settled down as a fresh start. His ex wife must have been devastated at the time because she lost both him and her daughter.
Now you and him are still an item. He wants to be with you, so be there for him. Oh how I want him to recover and all to go well with you two, and I would want his ex to find a lovely guy so she will not be lonely and and be cared for two.
How horrible things can be. So lets hope and pray that all will be well and all of you will have the "Happily ever after" scinario which you all deserve.
You are BIG (I say big as not in size, but someone who has been through lots and has come out with gold).
So don't worry. Concentrate on him. Send an apology to his ex. Just a little note or phone call. Whatever is appropiate. (It sounds like the truth to me as she has no reason to lie. An apology will do wonders to mend her hurt, as she must have been hurt soo much in the past. She can then feel peace to move on, and you won't feel bad that you over reacted as all will be forgiven).

Something that is good that has come from this. Things have reached a head. I mean... The whole situation. His ex wife can now move on where she may have been stuck, as she may have been living in hope that he may one day come back, and that is torture for her.
You know that he wants to be with you. He has said so. You do not have to worry in this respect. You have confirmation that he loves you. He is slowly on the mend. Ok, things take time. Think of it this way. The longerit takes the more thorough the healing is.