Page 1 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Lizzie60
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 25 Jun 2022
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: Scotland

04 Jul 2022, 4:24 am

Hi all just looking for a little reassurance I guess. Had ASD confirmed at the ripe old age of 62 recently. I came out to close family and friends (or so I thought) as my friends appear to be avoiding me now. That said my family didn't blink an eye and are treating me exactly the same.

I have had same two friends for decades so I'm a bit shocked and sad that they have reacted this way. Not only are they avoiding me but they have have tried to initiate conflict. Its not entirely unexpected but its very hurtful.

On the plus side despite my families foibles they have stood by me. I guess it takes something like this separate the wheat from the chaff!


_________________
Autism is not something I have it is a natural way of being .


Mountain Goat
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 13 May 2019
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,730
Location: .

04 Jul 2022, 4:45 am

Hello. I may not have many friends but those I have are genuine. Some are a bit odd but I like them that way. :P Who is "Normal?" Not sure I can do normal. :P
I am not sure if I am on the spectrum or not. I am giving up waiting to find out as it could be years and waiting makes me stressed when I think about it so better I pretend it is not happening... Just ignore it and it will go away. :D (My Mum says this to most things. Haha!)

I could start a fun "Just ignore it and it will go away" thread! :D



kitesandtrainsandcats
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2016
Age: 61
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,965
Location: Missouri

04 Jul 2022, 7:09 am

Lizzie60 wrote:
I have had same two friends for decades so I'm a bit shocked and sad that they have reacted this way. Not only are they avoiding me but they have have tried to initiate conflict. Its not entirely unexpected but its very hurtful.


That is a bit strange, and disappointing.

You are still the exact same you that you have been; diagnosis doesn't cause change, it merely names what is already there.

Yay for your family! :D


_________________
"There are a thousand things that can happen when you go light a rocket engine, and only one of them is good."
Tom Mueller of SpaceX, in Air and Space, Jan. 2011


beady
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 892

04 Jul 2022, 7:50 am

If it’s just been a short time, perhaps your friends are trying to digest this new information about you.
Have they explained their avoidance?



Lizzie60
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 25 Jun 2022
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: Scotland

04 Jul 2022, 8:25 am

No explanation but I sensed a change towards me after I told them. Maybe they weren't as genuine as I thought.

Looking back I was probably trying too hard to be "normal" and fit in. I was compromising myself too much. Now I'm working on just being me and they don't like it.


_________________
Autism is not something I have it is a natural way of being .


Lizzie60
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 25 Jun 2022
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: Scotland

04 Jul 2022, 8:29 am

Getting a diagnosis doesn't suit everybody. Do what feels right for you.


_________________
Autism is not something I have it is a natural way of being .


Lizzie60
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 25 Jun 2022
Gender: Female
Posts: 31
Location: Scotland

04 Jul 2022, 8:30 am

Thank you all for your comments and support it really helps.


_________________
Autism is not something I have it is a natural way of being .


beady
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2013
Age: 65
Gender: Female
Posts: 892

04 Jul 2022, 7:36 pm

If I understand you OP, you are trying to be more true to yourself. That must be a relief and congrats!
With this effort to be more true, you say you have changed a bit in the manner and the way you relate to your friends. It makes sense that they might wonder why you have changed your behavior after your diagnosis. I don't know that I could be so bold as to try to explain to a friend about masking but maybe you are braver than I am.
The average person seems to have no clue what it's like to be on the spectrum.



ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 35,869
Location: Long Island, New York

04 Jul 2022, 9:58 pm

Welcome to wrong planet

Lizzie60 wrote:
On the plus side despite my families foibles they have stood by me. I guess it takes something like this separate the wheat from the chaff!

So true.

Lizzie60 wrote:
Looking back I was probably trying too hard to be "normal" and fit in. I was compromising myself too much. Now I'm working on just being me and they don't like it.

Sounds about right.


_________________
Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity

“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman


1986
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 698
Location: Tokyo

04 Jul 2022, 10:38 pm

Lizzie60 wrote:
Looking back I was probably trying too hard to be "normal" and fit in. I was compromising myself too much. Now I'm working on just being me and they don't like it.

It happened to me too. "I lost myself trying to be like everyone else. Now I'm trying to be myself and losing everyone else." A bit drastic but you get the point.

At least your family accepts you. Mine flatly denies I have any form of autism despite there being considerable paperwork behind it (carried out by a state-owned medical institution).



Sailon
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 13 Apr 2020
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 319
Location: South Carolina

05 Jul 2022, 8:28 am

Lizzie60, I have had something similar happen to me in the past. I would concur that it certainly is very disappointing.
In the future I wish for the both of us that we may find better friends.



HighLlama
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Apr 2015
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,017

06 Jul 2022, 4:37 am

Lizzie60 wrote:
Hi all just looking for a little reassurance I guess. Had ASD confirmed at the ripe old age of 62 recently. I came out to close family and friends (or so I thought) as my friends appear to be avoiding me now. That said my family didn't blink an eye and are treating me exactly the same.

I have had same two friends for decades so I'm a bit shocked and sad that they have reacted this way. Not only are they avoiding me but they have have tried to initiate conflict. Its not entirely unexpected but its very hurtful.

On the plus side despite my families foibles they have stood by me. I guess it takes something like this separate the wheat from the chaff!


Funny--similar experience for me. Even being younger, when more people might be accepting/more knowledgable about autism. But, some you thought were closer have disappeared, while the ones who were always clearly supportive are still there. Hurtful, but it's always nice to see people for who they are.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

06 Jul 2022, 5:33 am

Look on the brightside, at least you learn't they weren't your friends, even if it was at 62



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 26,492
Location: UK

06 Jul 2022, 6:07 am

Yeah, it sort of happened to me a bit when I disclosed my ADHD diagnosis, one or two friends of mine just suddenly stopped liking or commenting on my Facebook posts.

I think some people become afraid of people with a neurological condition that is named. I remember when my grandmother first got diagnosed with Alzheimer's her friends suddenly stopped visiting her, even though she was still good company.


_________________
Female


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

06 Jul 2022, 6:48 am

I’m sorry this happened to you, Lizzie.

Please remember you are not obligated to disclose you have autism. It’s not a contagious disease.

I understand why you did disclose, though.



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1934
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,013
Location: wales

06 Jul 2022, 7:05 am

The closest disorder in terms of stigma to autism is Downs syndrome. Autism is universally seen as being a child's disorder or a disorder that severely effects intelligence.

People often take a dim view on those who have it or at the very least, adapt their behaviour accordingly and "stupify" their behaviour around autisitcs.

When it comes to your friends, I would start guilt tripping them personally. Either way their behaviour is dreadful, especially against an autisitc.