i dont know what to do

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my husband left me a few weeks ago and regrets it he keeps coming round and begging me to take him back but im dont want to because he was the one who made that choice to leave me now he wants to move back in like nothing happened

my son has a close relationship with him ( not his real dad )/
and he often goes out with him he is giving my son driving lessons which is nice

i think my husband is panicking because theres an autistic man i work with who i have gone out on a date with friday and for some reason my husband doesnt want me to have anyone else

its so complicated why did he have to leave me in the first place?. what should i do?.how should i feel .

What was his reasoning for leaving at the time? & what is his explination as to why he wants to get back together?

Caz, I am so sorry. This is a typical scenario; I’ve seen it before.

Do you still love him? Has he done this before? Can he talk about why he left? Can you figure out if he is just nervous about being alone, or does he really care about you?

Lots to consider.

You could say no.
You could say yes.
You could say "Yes, And . . . "

For example: "Yes, and you must agree to couples counseling so we can work on our relationship and how to make it something we are both drawn to, some of the things we wanted when we first talked about getting married, and deal with the real problems and make things better."

Something I have often heard and tried to live:
Marriages don't work out. You have to work on them.

My wife and I have done this program:

https://retrouvaille.info/

and it helped a lot.

he left because of my meltdowns i keep having but he says he still loves me and loves that im autistic but my meltdowns can be a bit violent and i once broke his guitar during a meltdown but he did bring that on himself as he was making fun of me for playing the guitar so badly

he has bpd so some of the things he says he doesnt think of the consequences and i have autism so i have my own routine and ways of doing things and i find it difficult to take a joke because im the serious no nonsense type .

he stayed last night but i refused sex
we agreed that if he finds my autism behaviours too much he will stay with his best friend a couple of nights
yes i am difficult to live with but so is my husband but for different reasons so his bpd behaviours can trigger my autism behaviours

It really sounds like you are "halfway there" already.

I would take Fenn's advice, at least in general. Do counseling.

If your husband refuses, then refuse to "take him back."

im having a social worker who come visit once a week to help me with acknowledging my feelings and offer some other social support so it might help with my meltdowns

im not the sort to want medication so thats out of the question

I figured he would regret it and want back.
You need to think if this would be good or not for you and your son.
No one can tell you what you should do or feel.That is all up to you.
A counselor can help you understand what your options are and offer advice.
I have never regretted divorcing my ex, life was so much easier and happier with him gone.

The grass is not always greener on the other side. For you or for him.

Take this in the spirit it is offered: you should probably not be dating other men at this point.

One thing I have learned to say to my wife:

When there is a problem in our relationship

Let's try to go shoulder to shoulder against the problem

instead of head to head against each other.

(and then really try to do it).

we are back together now

thank you guys for your support

it seems that most couples these days split up over anything but i dont want us to be in that majority unless its for a real good reason for example domestic abuse or something which isnt the case in our relationship

i dont think my husband will ever leave me no matter how exasperated he gets

i am very difficult to live with or be in the company of and my husband has put up with that for the 9 years we been married so he has his limits like we all do but then he realised he missed me

so i accepted him back

I agree with everyone else, counseling is a must. Also, dont be afraid to keep trying counselors until you find one that works. My ex-wife and I did it but we kept finding counselors who were taking clear sides until we found one that did their job. It extended our marriage long enough that my youngest was born so I take that as a win. We were never going to last forever but counseling helped and we have a good relationship today.

I'm glad you two are together again.

But, if your husband keeps on putting on these stunts.......

Are you & your husband each seeing a psychiatrist & taking psych meds? If your not it may help & if you are a med adjustment may be needed.

I screwed my 1st two relationships up partly by being highly unstable. I was diagnosed with Asopergers & Borderline Personality Disorder when I had a mental breakdown over my 1st relationship ending when I was 20. When my 2nd relationship was ending I realized that some of my problem was due to BAD anxiety & BAD OCD. I researched meds to treat that & got on two shortly before my current relationship started & they're helping me a lot. I highly doubt that any halfway decent psych would diagnose me with BPD now cuz those symptoms are a lot less sever.

My current girlfriend may have BPD or has rapid cycling Bipolar Disorder. For sure she has anxiety, depression, OCD, Social Phobia, Avoidant Personality Disorder, & Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Possibly autism & other things as well. She has a close family history of all that & other things; different relatives have different things. Cass is very unstable sometimes but she's made a bit of progress after she started seeing a psychiatrist & taking different psych meds. Her being unstable has contributed to me having bad meltdowns with her in the the past but I saw a psychiatrist again for a couple years instead of just having my GP prescribe my psych meds. Getting on an antipsychotic again has made me a lot less irritable & more stable. I still get irritated sometimes by Cass freaking out or getting angry but I'm able to bite my tongue now so to speak & we both usually calm down shortly after. When it's really bad I leave the room instead of yelling at her. It's aLOT better than me getting p!ssed off at her & both of us yelling & then both feeling like complete cr@p afterwards & both of us majorly apologizing to each other.

Some antipsychotics are approved for certain autism symptoms like meltdowns. Antipsychotics & mood-stabilizers are also sometimes used to treat Borderline Personality & Bipolar Disorder because they can help stabilize moods. I know from personal experience that it can sometimes take alot of trial & error to find a good combo of psych meds but the rite combo can majorly help. If you don't feel like your psychs are listening to you or helping after a while, it may be good to see different 1s.

i dont want to go on meds

my autism is what makes me who i am..even my meltdowns but i dont choose to have them nor do i enjoy them .

i am excellent memorising routes and streets and driving a bus and driving a car..BUT i need guidance when im in a busy public area like a
shopping center or airport i suppose its i go in my own world to deal with the overstimulation of sensory input

i feel differently when im in my car or bus
in the bus im in the cab which has a glass screen on the door so i feel like its my personal bubble where nobody can touch me and even if the bus is full of passengers it still feels like its just me and the bus

autism is a funny thing really and often confuses people they go ask me how come i drive a bus if im so stupid and insane

thats what they think anyway but i dont call it stupid or insane . i call it autism and its a beautiful thing to have

^^^I understand about having an aversion to psych meds. I did as well but I realized that I was a threat to myself & others & I hated feeling like total cr@p. There is currently NO cure for autism nor anything that hides/masks all autism symptoms. Psych meds can help relieve anxiety & OCD, help make us less depressed, help make us more stable, help us handle stress, & help us focus but that's about it. I am still autistic despite being on 4 psych meds. I still have problems reading tone of voice, I sometimes don't know if others are being sarcastic, I'm still direct & straightforward & need others to be that way with me, I still have problems with black & white thinking & literal thinking, I still daydream constantly, I still have special interests, I still don't have any friends offline except for my girlfriend & my former supervisor where I used to live & I still don't really care to go out & meet strangers, I still get confused easily ect ect... The meds make me less anxious, less stressed, less depressed, & more stable but any other progress I've made is a result of me trying to work on myself. The meds make it easier for me to do that because I'm not freaking out or flipping out.

I'm NOT pushing you or anyone to get on psych meds. I encourage you & anyone to do a bit of research & take a proactive role with your health. Weather that's meds, counseling, making changes in your environment, changing your routine or whatever.