Having an embarrassing meltdown at age 44

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Any tips on how to overcome a huge meltdown at age 44? My distress is being taken for a tantrum and I'm losing friends because of the judgment. This is overwhelming.

DanielW,
Thank you. I needed to hear that from someone who understands. I lice in a small town where my condition is seen as rare.
I couldn't help the way I acted. I know that. I've been trying desperately to explain myself to people whom I thought understood me. The more I explain, the more they criticize me.
I stopped explaining and came online to find others who actually understood.

you're in the right place, Autumn

Meltdowns can happen without warning, and they're hard to control. Your friends don't seem to understand. It's too bad your friends don't understand that. Sweet Pea hugs.

Thank you. I'm feeling very lost in this world. Incredibly misunderstood. To have people actually understand. Woe. These are tears I can handle.

Welcome to wrong planet. I wish it was under better circumstances.

Meltdowns(and shutdowns) are the result of a buildup but can be triggered by the seemingly most trivial thing but it is that "trivial" thing that can put you over the edge. Unfortunately, the rest of the world sees you melting down over that "trivial" thing and judges you for that.

What to do? Sometimes you do feel it coming on, you might feel more stressed and find that "pretending to be normal" gets harder to maintain, and you start to "slip" and you begin to act "more autistic". When possible, and this is often easier said than done find some "me time/alone time" and de-stress by being your more autistic self. That varies by individual but it could be delving into your "special interests", "stimming".

This is the part where the "spoon theory" is brought out. It was started by a lady with lupus but many autistic people find it "explains a lot". The theory posits that everybody has a limited amount of "spoons" they can take until they "lose it". Each time one does something they use a spoon. If one is disabled or has an illness of some sort one uses more spoons to do activities that "normal" people do and thus runs out of spoons faster.

Spoon Theory and Autism by by Lynn McCann

Please don't tell people you "ran out of spoons." They won't understand.

A simple "I broke down due to stress. I'm sorry," will go a long way with most people.

Meltdowns.

Stress is cumulative in nature. It builds up and finally reaches a breaking point that produce a meltdown. Even a very small item can put you over the edge and produce a meltdown. But if you can learn to remove your level of stress, you can eliminate your future meltdowns.

One of the ways to remove stress from your body is extreme exercise. It doesn't have to be hours but rather minutes of extreme exercise that will cause you to return back to normal.

One of the reasons why NTs (“Neurotypical”) do not experience the same amount of meltdowns as Aspies (and others on the spectrum) is that they generally are more involved in stress relief (exercise).