Going mad trying to make the decision whether to move out

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Tanhauser
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16 Apr 2023, 11:01 am

I am in the fortunate position of finally being able to actually afford a mortgage and move out of my parent's home, having moved back pre-pandemic to start saving for one.

I feel like I need to do this as my life isn't really going anywhere living at home, and I am getting increasingly aggravated with dealing with living here as an adult, especially with feeling like I'm not really free to completely unmask (diagnosed as an adult and while my parents are mostly supportive of me they don't really get it),pursue my interests without judgement, and have a proper sex life, which is incredibly awkward when you live in a house with 3 people that have little understanding of privacy.

These are all reasons to move out, but I'm also incredibly anxious about moving out, I deal with periods of intense meltdown semi regularly and am also generally not very sociable, I don't have many friends and my mental health can go up and down semi regularly, I'm worried about how to manage this on my own as in the last flat I had when before moving back I got very very isolated and didn't cope with it well, I had done better in previous places where I had roommates but at least for the first 6-12 months of having my own home that's probably not going to be possible. I've tried talking to my parents about this and they think that I'm better equipped now than I was then (I have a car and am more mature etc.) but I am still concerned, the few friends I do have are generally supportive but again, don't really get what I'm worried about.

Has anyone dealt with the same problem and would they have any advice for me in coping or adapting to the change?

I feel like a child still living at home and want my own space but don't want to move out if it just ends with me destroying my mental health and wasting a ton of money. I feel like if it goes well it will go really well, if it doesn't I'll crash and burn and be set back 5-10 years, which I'm not sure I could cope with. At the same time I feel pathetic for even being worried about this kind of thing at my age and not just getting on with it, I feel like I have a lot of self esteem issues tied up around living at home generally.

I'm worried about cost of living as well though doing the maths I don't think I'll have too many problems on that front as I'm lucky to be from a cheap area and have a relatively good job and no extra expenses like meds or a kid to worry about.

Apologies if this is the wrong place for this, I couldn't find a specific finance board and doing a couple searches most of the serious financial/life decision stuff seems to be in here.



rse92
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17 Apr 2023, 11:12 am

I think you will always be nervous and anxious when you are getting ready to move into your own home, whether you are 27 or 37 or 47.

Now is the time to move out. You will surprise yourself. You are more resilient and capable than you think you are. Do it while you are young.

If your parents think you can do it, than do it.



blazingstar
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17 Apr 2023, 8:40 pm

I support your inclination to move out.

If you’re anxious about isolating or melt downs, form a plan in advance and commit to following it. A plan such as…calling a friend at least once a week (or a day or whatever works for you.) See if it is okay with your parents to come back for a weekend visit once a month. Or have Sunday dinner with your folks every week.

Do these things regularly when you don’t need to, so they happen automatically when you are feeling anxious.

It doesn’t really matter what you set up for yourself, you know what works for you.

Good luck. :D


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DanielW
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19 Apr 2023, 11:53 am

Think of it like this for a moment: How will your life be if you continue it as it is today? Will you be better off at the end of a year? Two? Five?

In a worst-case scenario, living independently, do you think you will be any worse off than you are now or will be in the future if things stay as they are?



Tanhauser
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26 Apr 2023, 5:11 pm

Thank you all for your replies, I think you're all right, I just need to go do it because I'm just going to continue to stagnate sat at home.
I've been looking at properties for the last few months and went sale agreed on a house today! I'm now in a bit of a panic because it seems very real all of a sudden but I think in a few days when I've had time to calm down I'll be happy to be finally moving on, I was pretty happy when I found out I had the place.

Now for the fun of sorting out the survey, mortgage etc.



MatchboxVagabond
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27 Apr 2023, 6:23 pm

If you can find one which would allow you to rent out a room or similar, that might help a lot with being somewhat independent. You'd have the option of accepting some of the rent in exchange for assistance with things when if you find you need help with some things.