Trust

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What are the most drastic ways someone else has violated your trust?

What did you do to violate someone else's trust?

Stole items from me and my home. Pretty major violation of trust.

I think the worst way my trust was violated was my by my first girlfriend cheating on me with her ex because he offered her cocaine.

I think the worst way I violated someone's trust was by getting angry with my first gf & completely ignoring her for a couple days & lying about being very sick so she would know what it felt like to worry about me for a change. I don't think I gave her any reason to doubt that story so she never knew I made it up. I've done lots of minor things like snooping through my parents stuff when I was a tween. Throughout my life I've not done various things I was supposed to do or said I would do but that's more due to forgetting, having problems & getting frustrated, or plain laziness or just not caring. I've lied about lots of minor things to get out of being punished or get out of having to do some schoolwork or chores around the house. On the flipside I've been accused of some various things that were kinda bad that I did not do & I've been thought to be lying various times I was really telling the truth. Oddly I'm a lot more likely to be believed when I'm lying to get out of trouble I was responsible for than when I'm telling the truth about not being involved or it not being my fault.

Last edited by nick007 on 03 Jan 2024, 8:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Let's see -


CSA
Marriage under false pretences
Rape
Captivity
Abusing my children
Attempted Murder
Killing my dog
Theft
Theft from my children
Identity Theft
Grooming


There was also an unfortunate incident wherein I returned from holiday to discover someone had painted the interior of my house dog dick pink.

That's horrifying. Was it all the same persom?

CSA was one person

Marriage and other lies - Another person

Rape, Captivity - Multiple people - I should add extortion and exploitation to that

Attempted Murder - One of the multiple people

Identity Theft to the point of stealing my home - As above

Dog, Abusing Kids - Another person - I should add sexual assault there too
Along with the man he drugged me for


Grooming - That was on WP and there's a thread for it

Paint - The dog killer


I could list dozens more things.

It's quite amazing I trust anyone.

You sound like you have been through a lot Isabella. I am sorry to hear of this.

Thank you, but I'm not going for shock value.
I've shared those stories on WP in the past, individually and severally.
I just wanted to answer the question.

Breach of trust has been a big theme in my trauma.

I could go on about how I was manipulated by police, courts, and even doctors (when I had my first stroke, the emergency doctor wrote in my file that I was "faking it" and lying about my symptoms because I appeared to be drunk. He ran tox-screens and tried to send me home as a drunk, instead of giving me an MRI. It was a nurse who spoke up and proved him wrong.)

Then there was my boss at work who shared my personal and confidential health history with my colleagues, shamed me for it, and later showed up at my house with his Scooby-Doo shag-carpeted sex van late on a Saturday night during Christmas holidays, to see if I was really "sick", and imploring me to take a ride in his van.

Then there's the perp who stabbed my son, but the cops let the guy out on bail even though he'd already killed a homeless man, and then they refused to tell us the outcome of my son's case.

Or, the cops who broke down my doors after I was framed by someone for a felony.

My first day of Kindergarten, the teacher picked me up off the floor by my ponytail and spanked me mid-air because I played with a train set toy that was blue. I should have known it was a boys' toy.

In Uni, a friend tried to date rape me and bit off my nipple.

It goes on and on.


I'm starting back in trauma therapy so I'm having to dredge all this up again, anyway.
I consider it therapeutic to look at all the ways my trust was abused, and note the patterns.
I'll likely be using Twilight's CPTSD thread a lot if that's OK with her.
She's been through much the same.

I don't wonder that you have CPTSD with all that that has gone on.

I'm 63. I wasn't clinically diagnosed with level I autism until I was 59.

My breach of trust began with my parents. Although my parents knew that I was different, they also told me that "respectable families" didn't take their kids to see a psychiatrist. Their solution was to beat the badness out of me. If I self stimmed or did anything that seemed out of the ordinary, my parents could give me one warning after which they would beat me.

In time I went to college and became an elementary teacher. After 8 years in Texas, I took a job at an international American school in Saudi Arabia where I earned twice what I had made in the United States. Since I didn't have to pay taxes after the first year, the presumption being that I would pay the host country income tax in Saudi Arabia (and the Saudis had no income tax), I did quite well financially.

After my best friend married, I arranged to spend Spring Break together. I rented her and her new husband a suite at the Riverside Marriot in San Antonio. I arranged for the concierge to deliver champagne and chocolate covered strawberries within 30 minutes of their arrival. I myself took a regular room at the same hotel. I paid for all expenses. Since I didn't know what they might need as a newly wed couple, I gave them a thousand dollars in cash.

The one thing I asked them to do was to air freight purchases of clothing, books, movies, and hobby items to Saudi Arabia. I left them cash to do this.

The only problem was an issue regarding a betrayal of trust. My "friend" never sent me my shipment. She claims she did and even gave me the number of the shipper. When I called the shipper, I found that no such shipment had ever been made. My friend had betrayed me and kept my possessions. When I called her to ask why, she hung up on me. A month later I got my shipment but I never talked to this person again.

I've had a handful of relationships throughout my life. All of these have ended badly. While they started out well enough and the women in question told me that they just wanted to be friends, I was happy for their friendships. The problem was that when they chose to change the nature of their friendships, they never articulated this change. They all tried to seduce me. Since I have a literal mindset and understood that we had a friendship agreement, I honored my word and remained friends only to find that the woman in question had been angered and never wanted to see me again.

All of these were yet more betrayals of trust. To my way of thinking, I had honored the friendship agreement. While I understood that agreements can change, my literal mindset was such that I did not accept body language as a valid input.

Most recently at work, I was a Culinary Arts teacher. Since I knew I was autistic, I filed my disability with the district to receive workplace accommodations. Included among these accommodations was the need for my building admin to support me in matters related to class management.

When the district adopted "social justice reform" and required teachers to talk to misbehaving students about why they were behaving badly, I should have continued to receive administrative support. I didn't.

After having learned through social media that I was autistic, a group of students conspired to drive me into a meltdown because they thought this would be amusing. They repeatedly touched me and wouldn't stop. They threw things at me. They flickered the lights on-off-on-off to create a strobing effect. When I tried to talk to them about their behavior, they laughed at me.

When I called parents, there was very little help to be had. One parent told me that it wasn't her job to help me with my class management. Another parent accused me of "bullying" their child.

When I asked admin for help, I was told to step up my class management or to quit.

I quit due to issues with more betrayal of trust.

I am now getting therapy for issues related to all of these betrayals of trust.

(sigh)

The end result for me is that each major betrayal of trust has left me more guarded and less sociable. By choice, I no longer have any friends. I keep to myself because I find comfort in solitude. The only problem with this is that I used to meet what little needs I had for social interaction through work. Now that I am no longer working, I am starting to have issues with agoraphobia.

That is another reason I am in therapy.

(double sigh)

Some ways my trust was violated:

- I was abused as a kid in different ways - corporal punishment, emotional abuse, SA.
- I was raised in a cult that had abusive teachings, regarding women and children especially, and that was dishonest and harmful in other respects
- I had a few experiences with pervy guys/sexual harassment/dick pics.
- I was sexually assaulted by a guy who I thought was my friend in college.
- I was publicly reproved in my church for having sex outside of marriage even though I had told the elders that I was really struggling and that I had been raped.
- I was conned, manipulated, and abused in every way in my marriage, especially sexually.
- There was the grooming situation on here.

Those are the big things. There was a fair amount of gaslighting too in some of these situations. I seem to struggle most with the rapes/sexual abuse. Without that, I feel like I might have been able to have a relatively normal life.

I violated someone's trust by telling on them to the elders of my church when I was a teenager. It did not turn out well. I deeply regret doing it as well as subsequently shunning them, but I was doing what I had been taught was right. I was led to believe that the "heart is treacherous" and that I should ignore my inner moral compass unless it aligned with the church's teachings in every respect.

I've cut contact with people who needed me when I was really struggling with current or past trauma. I feel awful about that too. It's hard to engage with people when I can't share stuff that's affecting me so deeply or when I'm so overwhelmed I have no spoons left.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 06 Jan 2024, 11:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

The public shaming - I can't even imagine.
I thought court was bad, but a jury of my peers would be worse.


The only thing I can think of that I did -
I knew that my brother's friend's younger sister had started smoking pot, around age 11.
I was really worried so I wrote a note to her mother and put it in their letterbox.
The girl hadn't "trusted" me, per se, and hadn't confided anything to me.
I only knew about it via my brother.
Still, I think she likely hated me for it.

My "judicial committee" involved me and three elders. After reaching the verdict, they announced it from the platform at the next church session in front of everyone - just what a victim of rape needs: to be called a sinner and humiliated further. It was announced at another church that I had attended just once but knew a lot of people.

The elders were the only people I even told about the rape at the time. It wouldn't have taken much for them to be decent and to make a difference in my life. Seriously. A kind word. Understanding. Mercy. That's it. They could've even found scriptural justification for it if they gave enough of a damn.

I won't draw any parallels to literature. ^



I'm so sorry that happened.

I'll write the card for you if you'd like.

It doesn't take much to break my trust. All someone has to do is misgender me and I question whether I can trust them or not. I also haven't trusted anyone enough to form a relationship with them for 30 years. The last person I trusted back in 1993/1994 hurt me very badly emotionally and spiritually. I have a few friendships. Relationships are a whole different story.

I've also trusted someone in 2006/early 2007. That person broke my spirit and I was a very intense person for a while. I had an anger to me that surprises me to this day.