Asperger's Syndrome and Personal Identity

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I had an interesting discussion at a local men's support group:

I explained that I have the growing desire to meet other people with Asperger's Syndrome, to learn more about AS in general, how it affects other people, and through that learn more about myself.

I also stated that I wanted to find some kind of office job, just as I have over the past two months, as such employment may suit someone with AS.

A group supervisor, who is also a trained counsellor/psychologist, responded that on one hand I seemed to show desire to learn and grow as a human being (through meeting others with AS and learning more about myself).

But on the other hand by choosing an office job as employment, I appeared to be letting my condition define my identity and wanted to hide away from the world?

It has got me thinking about how the experience and diagnosis of AS can affect one's sense of identity and the meaning/purpose one defines for oneself in life and society.

I'm very curious to here the thoughts and comments of others on this subject.

It seems normal for a person to choose a job that fits his temperament. What's wrong with that?

I see this more as having insight into your own condition, and working to your strengths and skills rather than against them. Everyday life supplies plenty of challenges; we don't necessarily have to go looking for more.

I think this is basically the same thing I am running across when people tell me I need to work on my self esteem. It seems obvious to them that because I will spend time outlining the things that I am not capable of doing that I am somehow selling myself short. On the other hand I am applauded for my insight about myself and my knowledge of my strengths. In my opinion the two go hand in hand and true confidence and self awareness stems from aknowledging not only the things you are good at, but that you also have weaknesses and that this is ok. I accept the things I am not good at as a reasonable exchange for the things I am good at, and because I am more concerned with being happy than with material success I don't see the need to stress myself out doing a job that overwhelms me.

Sometimes personal happiness is more important than success. In fact, I think that to be happy is be successful, but thats something that most of society doesnt understand. The popular trend is still towards financial ambition and career success at all costs. Anything less is laziness, or poor self esteem, or letting your condition define your personality.

My personality was defined long before I found out I have AS. I stopped working a mainstream job long before I found out I have AS. Although I'm sure that having AS played a role in both of these, my complete lack of knowledge about it discludes any pretense that I am hiding behind my diagnosis. My choices are based on one thing alone, and that is my own personal comfort level and happiness. I don't need anything else.

NTs are underestimating our condition. You wish to learn and grow, that is great. You have to find the best learnig rate for you. It is hard to say which one it is, but be sure most people will consider it way too slow - just because they do not understand how challenging everyday life is for us.

Learning and growing at your own rate is great.
Having a job that forces you to learn and grow 40 hours a week would probably be overwhelming and counterproductive.
So, I think there is no contradiction in your desires.

Thank you for your comments - this is no longer an issue for me.

I'm with the doctor on this

AS is a part of who you are, yes, but it doesn't define everything about you, and its YOUR choice to go about it

Look at that Heather person, I don't think ANY of us would say Modeling is prime job for someone with AS, but she did it because its her interest, she may not be the best, but as long as she enjoys it, and its what she wants, go for it

Chances are you'll choose something you like and are comfortable with, and it'll be similar to what AS generally holds as good for you, but thats not always the case.

Just remember that its different for everyone, what one person with AS is comfortable with is not neccesarily what another is, and "NT" or "AS" you should always go for what YOU like and YOUR comfortable with, I don't think you should look at other examples "well other ppl LIKE me like this, so I'll go for this..." to choose your career. You can use that to get an idea of what you like (I did that myself) and consider how much you really think you'll like it, and test it out, but don't let it constrain you

I think it's quite reasonable to want to learn to learn and grow is not mutually exclusive to wanting a job easy to handle with AS.

The process of learning is a lot of work, and work is a lot of work. It is, perhaps, a good idea to carefully consider taking on a job where you are also learning and growing as a human being, which is, in my mind, working 1 job with the stress levels of 1.5-2 jobs. Perhaps after you've "grown as a human being" enough that it comes easier to you, then is the time to look for a job that exercises those skills.

But then again, really, it's no one's choice but your own how much "job" and "growing" you can do at the same time.