Is AS really in part a slower maturing process?

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I have been thinking that too, lately.

For example Sheila (no way is AS) is much more shy than I am, but I used to be painfully shy. But I still hate being the one who has to call my "friends", they rarely seem to call me and I worry that they think I'm a dag ("dag" is an Australian term, you'll have to look it up on wikipedia). When I was a teenager, I would cross the street or turn and walk out of my way rather to avoid meeting some one I recognised and have to talk to them. Now I will cross the street to say hello to someone.

However I think I have picked up lots of little things to help live be easier. I tend to copy what I like in others. For example a few months ago I called an acquaintance who I know played rugby at school, to tell him my #1 son was selected for the State team. He said "you must be very proud". It struck me that I would never have said that to anyone. I may have said, "that's fantastic" or "congratulations", but comment about how some one must feel? I have made a mental note to do that.

I'll think some more on this and come back to see what you post.

(Disclaimer - I'm not dx'd, but I know I have a lot of traits).

I consider it a learning difficulty, where the only difference between it and the recognised ones is that it's something that people aren't taught, and we just have to muddle along on our own to gain skills and end up being ret*d when compared to everyone else, because we get no assistance.

If social skills were taught in schools, AS would be a learning difficulty just like dyslexia and dyspraxia.

I feel very much like socially I'm many years behind most people my age, which makes relationships next to impossible. Physically I'm 29, emotionally/socially I'd say about 15, intellectually about 45. That means an intellectually stimulating partner would probably find me emotionally childish, while I'd find someone with a similar emotional age to be rather limited in conversation, never mind the actual differences in physical age being socially awkward.

FWIW, there's a growing body of research that supports this.

Wow, all of this makes perfect sense. That's a really good way of putting it...

This is what it means to be developmentally delayed. We are "late bloomers."

The counter being the generalisation that those with AS get along with those much elder than themselves a lot better than peers.

Counter to that is dyslexia and the ilk are specific learning difficulties, and so only affect certain factors. If your entire life was affected uniformly you wouldn't have a learning difficulty, for there would be no disparity between different areas of performance, you would simply perform at a lower level ie lower IQ

So does AS only affect certain factors, i.e. there's nothing wrong with my IQ, just my social skills & my executive functioning.

I agree with what the previous posters have said - as a child/teenager I was regarded as "emotionally immature", and I don't think that's changed much.

As a 41-year-old I feel more like a 20-something emotionally (or even younger sometimes).

Yes, I definitely got on better with adults as a child, because I did not know how to relate to my peers, who always seemed pretty shallow.

And yes, if "social skills" had been regarded as a subject at school, I would definitely have been in the remedial class for it. (But this would have outraged & bewildered me at the time, since I had been brought up to regard such things as unimportant!)

Yes I agree that is. I've always felt I was at least 10 yrs behind other ppl my age in many ways.

I thought that people with AS were socially immature and intellectually precocious.

Agreed.

Interesting post, been thinking of just this myself. I have this 18 yo NT-friend (all the "best friends" I have are under 20, i'm 30) and she've tried to explain the benefits with small talk and such with me, and my response: "uh, you're 12 years younger than me, how come you know this?". This same friend AS-classed me before I even told her I suspected it, and I'm still curious how people do that What is it that NT-people read, that I can''t? Seems like alot.

I've though learned alot the last couple of years. First the mimicing of people when watching soap operas and reality show (eg. Big Brother). And then I went to a course at university that taught group skills; how you act in a group, how others react, and where you are inside a group, and it gave me alot.

edit: Yeah, and it feels like i've never left the obstinate age. Still as rebellious as before, at work people called me "the rebel", and my ex called me an ego-centrical idiot. When something is not in tune with my own will, I get really pissed.

Last edited by funkfisk on 23 Nov 2007, 7:04 am, edited 4 times in total.

Double agreed.

I don't feel mature, in many ways, even though I'm 50. I'm not even sure what 'maturity' means. If it is the ability to behave responsibly then I've always done that, even from being quite young. If it's the ability to feel at ease socially, to know what to say and when to say it, then no, I don't have it and I can't imagine ever possessing that which seems to me, an unattainable thing. To not accidentally hurt people is probably the best I can aim for and something I work hard at. I have always felt that I live my life out on a limb, winging it, making it up as I go along. I guess maturity would be not to feel scared by this. But often I am.

Last edited by Starr on 20 Nov 2007, 1:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I agree with what everybody says above. Physically I'm 28, mentally about 56, but emotionally only about 13 or 14. It really does not help that I get treated like I'm a kid most of the time either, but then I only look and act like I am about 18 or 19 (or 90 when I'm being way too serious). I guess that's one thing I dislike about myself: I am such an extremist in everything and there's no grey area...if I could find a way to at least tone myself down a little bit it would lead to a much more mature me.

Oooh, good point... I've always considered maturity to be acting in a responsible, and reliable fashion. But as with IQ, maturity is also made up of many components. By acting in a responsible manner, you create the facade that you are mature - but lack many off the other facets of maturity.

I would think that people even if they don't have AS feel totally mature; look at some of the NFL guys. I mean, the antics that some of them pull wouldn't be classified as being mature. Michael Vick raising pit bulls to fight each other and denying that he had any knowledge of what was going on on his land. Do you call that being mature?

There are times that I don't feel mature, but then there are times that I feel mature enough; it all depends on the circumstance. Sometimes I feel and act in an level-headed fashion, whereas other times I don't.

lame, this isent going anywhere.