Anxiety about Middle Age

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The last time I was on WP was a year ago, and now I'm back with the same concern I had last April.

I'm worried about getting older when my understanding of so many things is so childlike. It's embarrassing. I'm 46 and I'm worried about being 50, or 60, and still being this naive and confused about people's motives, unable to sort out idioms, and only able to tolerate certain life categories in black and white.

Sometimes, I'll be having an intellectually sophisticated conversation with someone and saying things that to them seem wise, and so they forget I'm autistic, throw out one of the above-mentioned things, and then act stunned that I don't get it. Embarrassing.

Or, I am just totally talking and acting like an innocent 8 year old and then I realize I'm not 8. And then, I think, wow, this person must think I'm nuts. I forgot I was supposed to act like I belong in this middle aged body.

It scares me to look in the mirror and see a person who is older. I panic attack sometimes because I don't look like me.

Have other people felt this way? What have they done about it?

You just have to accept yourself, instead of trying to be the appropriate "middle age role". Don't worry about what other people think as much. The trick is finding the people who accept you for you.

I don't like being 54, and at the "other side" of my life.

I haven't accomplished much--though I will get a pension when I retire (provided that I don't royally eff up).

There's still lots of naivete and Peter Pan in me--that I, on a certain level, don't want to get rid of.

Yep...I've been experience what is termed "existential dread" since I was 11 years old.

I try to embrace and love my quirky self, and it can sometimes work surprisingly well. Also, when I turned 50 I did an Amazon search for books on aging (somewhat) gracefully. I don't recall titles, but some were helpful. However, the specifics of aging with Aspergers as a special case seems an underserved topic.

It helps to read how people relate. Sometimes, I just get anxious and then I don't know what to latch that anxiety on to. I feel SO young when it happens. And then I freak out about not feeling or acting my age.

I'm a multi-dimensional person. We all are. And people who know me know that just because sometimes I am childlike, doesn't make me a child. And just because I need guidance in certain areas others don't, because my judgment is poor and I'm a sucker for being taken advantage of... that doesn't make me a child either. But, I do feel like I need "parenting" during times like that.

I have someone I trust who has been helping me avoid a lot of hurt and pain by explaining to me when someone is trying to be exploitive or cruel, because I don't see it. And he also tells me when I'm moving towards a situation where I'm likely to lose my ability to cope as an autistic. Priceless. I need this advice. But, then I feel ashamed, like why do I need this "parenting" type treatment.

I'm glad you're a nice person.

Maybe, if you erupt, Global Warming might be reversed!

Right. Maybe I just need to take life less seriously.

I wouldn't want to jeopardize the planet.

I'm a 54 year old man who frequently acts like someone who is one-quarter that age.

Same here. I think I'm going to be okay. Just having my yearly panic attack over my age.

My boyfriend has verbalised the same thing to me it really worries him. He can't see himself growing old he can't see that far ahead. I have had conversations with other people about this but this felt really different. It felt like he didn't want to loose himself if that makes sense. His image was an issue too but not as much worry as his identity. Suppose can always get botox

To be honest, I'll accept it when I start really aging.

The only sign of age, so far, is that my hair is mostly gray, and I have a slight receding hairline.

Otherwise, I look and act pretty young for age 54.

Some people are so lucky only grey hair. I dye mine

That's what I love about my boyfriend he acts like a child sometimes, he gets it an can make fun of himself. In a good way like yeah that was stupid but who cares. Everyone is human nobody is so called perfect.

I told myself a few years ago, when I turned 40 and my son turned 18 that I was going to start my second adolescence- mostly because I never had a first one!

In my teens and (early) twenties I was first more or less taking care of my parents- Mom was ill, Dad had his own business, so someone had to do cooking, cleaning, helping out at the shop, etc. and that someone was me. Then I had to start working outside the home when I got married the first time (that was a mistake...the marriage, not working) and after my son was born, life was basically dealing with 60+ hour weeks, arranging child care and all that. It wasn't until I was about 40 that I really got a chance to step back and breathe a little. And I covet my solitude and free time like a hoarder covets his or her junk hoard.

I LIKE being in my mid 40's. I feel better than I have at pretty much any time in my life, especially since the hysterectomy that ended 18 years of constant physical suffering- take it from me that a poorly repaired C-section can come back to haunt you. That was probably the best thing I ever did for my physical health. But even more important than physical health, I'm finally starting to feel comfortable in my own skin and that's been a long time coming.

There is one thing that wigs me out, and that's seeing how my friends and people I've known professionally and from school have aged. I don't see myself as an old bitty most of the time, but when I went to my last high school reunion (weird that I bothered, but it was out of a morbid sense of curiosity, to see if the beautiful people were still more "beautiful" than me) I wondered why my Dad's friends were hanging out there. Then I realized those weren't my Dad's friends. That was creepy. That and the fact that 70s and 80s music is considered old...and Steve Perry is 66.

I am now in my mid fifties. My health issues make me feel old in a physical sense. In other ways I have trouble feeling as old as I am. Because of my Asperger's I often act younger than I am. Also, I see people on TV and think of them as being older than me. Then I will look them up online, and find out that they are considerably younger than me. It's like my self image stopped aging several decades ago, so I have trouble grasping that I am actually as old as I am. It is very unsettling at times. I guess my self image is kind of like Peter Pan. It isn't ready to grow older.

There are times when I could become almost like Forrest Gump. I possess what may be called a "defiant naivete." I don't take cynicism well at all.

People are always telling me to "grow up."

I'm 54, gray, with a slightly receding hairline. Nobody believes I'm 54, though.

Ditto that. The people I identify with in films and television are almost half my age. The entertainers who are the same age as me look ancient and decrepit.

I hate it. I don't look my age, I've always had the appearance of being at least 15 years younger than my actual age, but I still can't stand it. What's worse is, I see some of the aging in the mirror, but it still looks essentially like me. When somebody takes a photograph of me and I see it, I don't even recognize that person in the picture, but he looks like hell!

When I look at others my age, whom I've known for years, I feel like I'm looking at a bunch of gargoyles - and none of them seem to mind being wrinkly and fat (of course, most of them are happily married). I've worked out and watched my diet every day since I was 32, to stave off the physical decay and I'm afraid its all going to have been for naught. I know its kind of superficial, but I'd like to think there's still a chance of meeting somebody nice and having some sort of relationship, at least some sex, before I'm too hideous to be remotely attractive, but of course I never go anywhere to meet anybody, so I feel like the last opportunities of my life are literally slipping away from me, day by day.