Anger and Frustration

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I get very anger and frustrated when things happen that do not make sense to me or that I cannot do anything about until a later time. For example, receiving a letter late on a Friday afternoon after business is closed and know that I have proof in my hand that what the letter is saying is wrong. I get very frustrated because I must wait until Monday when the business re-opens before I can straighten things out. It is very upsetting to know things are wrong and it is very upsetting to know that I have to wait. I have trouble compartmentalizing things.

When I stop to think things through, I know logically that things will work out, but that does not stop the frustration and anger. This is a frequent response to such things.

I have the same reaction when I am communicating with someone who is really manipulative. I get very frustrated when I know someone is lying. I do not know how to talk to someone when I know they are lying. It seems like it just isn't reality, like things are off-kilter.

How do others deal with frustration and anger? Are there any particular things that work to help one to calm down? I only recently learned I was aspie, so did not realize until recently that frustration is a typical apsie characteristic and that there is a real reason I get frustrated.

Still, I now want to learn to some coping skills for this. Any ideas?

The key thing that remember is: stop and think before you react. What are the consequences if I say or do this? In order to do that a person usually needs to walk away from the situation or person that is making them angry and then come back it.
Another thing to remember is: think about how the other person maybe feeling or what is wrong with the situation. It is very hard for aspies to do this at times but it is worth trying.
Also if the person or situation is not willing to change then it's simply not worth dealing with or at least not right now. It's not your fault.

I get angry very easily. I get angry when I am put down or when things don't go my way which is quite often! So yeah I tend to be unhappy more than I should be, this is no way to live but it's hard because I am also bipolar so I get major mood swings.

Things that don't make sense bug the F out of me, sometimes to the point of a raging spazz attack.

"Think before you act" doesn't work, the trigger time is so quick that you don't have time to think or do anything about it. You end up building good recovery skills to compensate.

This isn't a process with instantaneous results but here's what's working for me:

If your mind works like mine you have to solve every mystery. When things don't make sense... it's essentially a mystery.

"Life" is a mystery to us because much of it, most of it really, doesn't make any rational sense. Solving that mystery means making everything make sense. In my effort to build a world view that makes sense I have found that it is all perception... adapting and adopting different ways of looking at things to where they make perfect sense. These ways of looking at things keep moving and changing as I see things from different angles in my attempt to make it ALL make sense culminating in my "whole world view".

This has the effect of setting the very thing that causes the raging spazz attacks against itself. It's really the mystery that sets you off, not knowing "why" someone would do something so stupid for instance. Instead of not understanding and flying into a rage, solve the mystery.

Solving it requires you to see things from their point of view and your mind will fight against this which is why it's not an instantaneous cure. You have to stay on it, keeping the pressure on and using every opportunity as a training session. It's a lot of self coaching and patience, but it seems to be paying off for me. The world doesn't piss me off near as much as it used to because much more of life's mystery makes sense to me now.

Hope it helps

You are right about the mystery thing. What you are saying makes very good sense to me.

I like the solve the mystery approach. I am going to start trying this.

I do want everything to make sense and of course, many things do not for us immediately. So, if I stop and try to figure out the mystery, it will force me to slow down and look at the thing from a different perspective. It almost takes me out of the thing that frustrates me, I think.

Thank you so much BallisticMystic!

That really strikes a chord with me. When you know they're lying, *they* know that they're lying amd they know that you know- because you pointed it out. But they still won't admit it.

As I've grown older and err..greyer and maybe even calmer, many things that used to overwhelm me don't seem so troublesome anymore. However *that*, what you're describing, still winds me to breaking point. I've tried a few responses: trying to prove they're lying by reason, by probability or even hard evidence. I've tried sarcasm. But I usually end up angry unless I walk away and even then the anger can return later when I remember it.

It's no real answer, I'm afraid, but I think walking away is as good as anything. If someone is that manipulative and can't stop doing it, perhaps anger is nature's way of telling us it's best to avoid them like the plague!

I have the same problem - stupidity and lies make me go berserk. Same for unreasoned claims and nudging for me to believe stupid, unreasoned claims and cliches.

I always try to solve the mystery, and have solved some that were very hard, took years of analysis.

I have a bad temper and I am trying to work on it big time. I become very angry and downright insulting if I have been lied to, backstabbed or if I am having to deal with any kind of ignorance. I can't tell you how many times I have been kicked off of forums and been the most hated one around different communities because of a blow up.. and I am the one to blame most of the time because of my reaction and temper. But it doesn't only show online... before I knew that my son was under the spectrum, a few years ago he went to a camp and he was kicked out because he was unmanagable. I cussed, cursed and yelled so loud that anyone working near the camp probably heard me. And then I threw a piece of paper at the owner of the camp. Of course you regret these things AFTER the fact, never during the time you are in the middle of an anger fit. BUT I am trying to not let myself get into an anger fit anymore. I am not always successful as I had a few choice of words just recently to someone working at paypal (they froze my account by mistake!) but more times than not lately I have been better. I know this sounds cheesy but believe it or not, counting to 10 right before an anger fit is about to emerge... does help stop it from happening. Besides I have a good reason to work on my temper, I have kids and one of them being under the spectrum... if I want them to not blow up like I have a tendency to, then I have to be a good example for them to follow.

I know what you mean. When I was in college, an associate professor I had insisted he did the impossible - took college courses in the mid 80s on an operating system that wasn't written until the 90s. I called him on it, and even gave him an easy out suggesting he might have taken courses on a similar system. He even got more specific with his lying, and insisted it was a distribution that wasn't named that until the LATE 90s. I got extremely frustrated every time I was around this person, and was tempted to take his mis-information (backed up with my researched and documented knowledge on the topic) to the dean of the department. I just didn't have the heart to have him fired.