Why Do I Want To Avoid My Boyfriend

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Our sex leaves me feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated.
I'm overstimulated enough after going to my 1st AS support meeting here.
He's been terribly unstable lately and I'm burned out with it (adderall addiction, suicidal thinking.)
He wants to spend money we really can't spare.
He can't seem to plan to spend money later.. he has to spend it all now.

I miss him.
He's getting a handle on his addiction (admitting it, seeking help)
He's gotten a handle on his mood.
We could spend time together without spending money.

I just want to be alone, where I feel safe and peaceful, and play pc games.

Do other people just get to the point where they want to just avoid their BF for a while?

You sound like you have a sensitive nervous system, the above really resonated with me. You have to understand that your need to be alone is a part of your physiology to dial down the stimulation and be in a calm environment, often times that means having no people in it to agitate you. But you have to be aware that it is caused by the oversensitivity and easy to agitate nervou system. I can sense you just wanting to 'zone out' in a calm quiet environment.

I do this from time to time, its quite natural.

Personally I think you and him are completely different people and that if you continue with the relationship you won't have peace, you need someone who is low energy, doesn't spend money, who shares your values. It's pretty obvious to me that the relationship your in has a low chance of lasting over the long term, due to your need for quiet and calm. You're two different people when it comes to fundamentals (social/spending , vs how you are) and that is not going to change.

Everything turned out alright. I just took a few hours to myself and then we worked things out and everything is great.

I was just WAY overloaded and overstimulated.

This is perfectly normal. I can't imagine anyone wanting to be continually with another person but some people are kind of grabby or needy and want to have us with them constantly. You person time and personal space needs must be clarified to him in no uncertain terms. Life is to short to have stress over something you have a little control over at this point in time. I actually built my own little 'shed' in the backyard to 'be' in when I needed space. Needless to say it is now my wife's storage area so I'm thinking about converting an area in the attic that would only be reachable by rope ladder.

I can relate....especially if your BF also has Aspergers.

My boyfriend, and both his Aspergers-related, and non-Aspergers related 'issues', have recently become more than I can stand in more than small doses. We've been together a year, and have been doing some talking about moving in together, and the prospect of marriage, and while part of me is very keen on the idea, the other part of me is doing something like this -

I get horribly overstimulated after too much time with him....believe it or not, more so after long conversations on the phone than extended periods of time in eachother's company. A lot of it is to do with some of the same issues you're talking about - lack of sense with money, addiction (n his case, alcohol) issues...that he IS doing well on, but expects constant pats on the back for, and overall lack of functionality. Certain parts of being in a relationship are easier when your partner's an Aspie....basically, there's just less explanation for things necessary....but other parts are way harder. At this point, I still think MY BF can be worked with....he's a lot less functional than I am, but that's mostly to do with his upbringing....but I really don't know how things will work out down the road, because I DO need personal space, and I often think he needs someone with more patience.

If you don't have the same beliefs about money that is a major red flag that you should not get in a relationship with someone. Or at least not marry nor live with them as then your finances get intertwined. Be careful of spenders as they often look for people that are good with money so that they can steal money out of their account.

As far as dating someone with drug or alcohol addiction problems if you date them you are a fool. If they are serious about being clean then let them deal with their addiction problem first before you get into a serious relationship with them. You're a fool to date anyone with addiction problems as few will follow through and stay clean. I learned the hard way dating alcoholic loosers as well as mentally ill losers. Don't date someone until they are living a normal life otherwise you get dragged into their drama.

My mother used to tell me that If I lay down with dogs I would end up getting fleas. We all have enough baggage of our own and don't need to be carrying any for anybody else.

This is the advice I always give people, but have never been sensible enough to take it myself. I believe my biggest problem is seeking out people more f'ed up than I am, and trying to fix them. Obviously, though, if their mothers couldn't, it's ridiculous for me to think I ever could.

Fixing people is a bad habit unless you just have a lot of time on your hands.

So my wife tells me we've been married for near 18 years. I've been single for most of the rest, humm one bad one but happily it didn't last long. I would guess a little over a year. Over the course of time our own needs became more apparent. My need for white noise at night and while she said it didn't bother her I knew it did, her bed habits invaded my space, badly. Snugly, I am not. I moved out of the bedroom. Now that doesn't mean other normal activities don't occur and now if I were to attempt to sleep in the same bed, she would probably boot my ass out on the floor. I have a cave in a room, she respects my need for space, that doesn't mean we don't meet else where and often. In other words think out of the box. No need to conform to the make believe happy family bull s**t the TV/media feeds you, it's a lie. Sex, openly discuss it and figure it out, think out of the box.

Change her? Her change me? I stopped trying that very early on, change comes from within. No, I think the marriage or any other type of contract between two people or even more, shouldn't be looked at as a static contract. In other words it should evolve as we evolve. Compromises are needed over a span.

There are many other examples I could have used as well. But to do it you have to be very straight forward and both need to be aware it isn't a shove away, as in I don't like you. And yes it can be rough at times, but the great thing about my wife and I is, we were friends first and still are and that has gotten us through some rough times. I can be a real son of a b***h to live with. She's no angel either, and damn it but I so love her when she isn't. Love changes as we do.

If you have exhausted the options, maybe it isn't a good match to begin with. My first marriage sure as hell wasn't. I thought we at least might be friends after, as there were kids involved. That didn't work either.

My husband and I each have our own bedrooms so we always have our own space. I couldn't sleep in the same rooms as him because of his loud snoring (I think he has sleep apnea). Also he goes to bed early and I like to stay up till all hours of the night playing pc games or reading. I think this is a good arrangement and works for us.

My parents have kept separate bedrooms since i was little.

oops, pressed the wrong button, sorry.

WHite-

I have these issues, too.

I wish I had never met the an I am sorta attached to know. He is ASP and for 9 years he has said he olves while wathcing me slide into oblivioun.

But we are attached.

I have tried to stop this, but always go back.

Well, I hope that it gets better for you. I hope you are not in for 9 pointless years.

Waving the red flag topic

QFT here, here!!