It's Official

Post Reply New Topic

Hey Guys,

It's official just got back from my second visit with the therapist and he diagnosed me with AS. Now I know that I'm not really a socipath. Which is good. But I do have some decisions to make. Currently I'm at a crossroads with my job. My big problem is social relationships and go figure I'm in management. The job stresses me to no end but the good news is that now I know why. The therapist said he would be willing to help here with social training but only I could decide if it was worth the work. My question is has anybody had any experience with social training, how long did it take to get somewhat comfortable and was it worth it?

Good! Being diagnosed AS provides an explanation for differences in one's experience, and the good news is that now you know what you are not. (Maybe?) I suppose it's possible to be AS and still be a sociopath.

I haven't been officially diagnosed with anything as far as I know, but some teachers, who are trained to recognize ASDs, thought I fit the diagnostic criteria for AS. For me this means knowing I probably don't have schizophrenia, so treatments for schizophrenia-like conditions probably wouldn't work on me.

Why did you go into management? I understand a lot of one's survival in that job requires understanding the balance of power and reciprocity between people, and I was bad at it when placed in the role of foreman. I was happier as an ordinary worker. My biggest problem was a dislike of criticizing the workers I supervised, and total avoidance of firing anybody.

I've had some social training. It definitely helps, if you open up to it. But it can only take you so far. You need to get out there and use what you've learned.

Thanks for the reply. Well it seemed like the next logical step. Unlike many I just didn't realize I had a problem relating to people. I knew that I was a bit different but had never connected to the AS problem. It was recently after my second promotion that I realized I was having some of the same problems as in the first position that there was a problem. I kept getting the same feedback hey you have to get to know these people. I do like criticizing but I don't like the confrontational aspect. I criticize mostly because they don't do it "my way". I have to focus really hard on the fact that there is more than one way to do something so that I don't get angry.

I had this problem too when dealing with workmates who were on the same level as me, or who were subordinates. I've found one really good way to get around this problem is for you to start doing things a different way, and see for yourself that this other way can be equally valid, keeping in mind that every way has its benefits and drawbacks. That way you're not forcing yourself to accept another person's way, it's more like increasing the range of what you would consider to be "your way". The more you switch to different ways and broaden your experience, the broader the range "your way" will become, and the more likely that "other people's way" is merely another facet of "your way." I guess in the end you'll start seeing different ways more like different tools at your disposal to accomplish a certain task.

Oops, to refer back to your original question about social training: sorry no, I have had no formal social training. I'm still undiagnosed, though have seen a psychiatrist for a couple of years. My social training was the school of hard knocks, plus very supportive and open-minded AS siblings (also undiagnosed, we just had to suffer together heh).

Last edited by Stinkypuppy on 11 Dec 2008, 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That's a good idea. Do you have any tips on dealing with the anxiety that comes along with it. For instance whenever my boss critizes me for doing something the "wrong way", I get really anxious and start feeling like he's picking on me. I know this sounds immature but those are the feelings I have. I too know they are wrong but they still come.

I don't know if there is much you can do about the anxiety part... I'm sure you know very well already, "fight or flight" response is practically built into the AS mindset from the get-go, and that anxiety is part of the "flight" response. I can often pass for NT but I still get anxious whenever my boss criticizes me too. Don't worry, that feeling of anxiety is not wrong! That anxiety gives you a sense of urgency and is a strong motivator to act outside of your comfort zone, something that you'll have to do at many points in your life to really test your limits.

One way of handling it is to sort through the emotional part of what your boss is saying, and just focus on what it is exactly he wants you to do. Ask yourself, "is there something I could do to make my productivity better?" And include your boss' suggestions as possible answers to that question, and then you go ahead and ponder over each possibility. Of course this in itself has a lot of difficulties, as certainly it's much easier said than done to focus like this if the message is delivered in a very angry or mocking way. It also presumes you would know the difference between advice that is genuinely worth considering, and unhelpful advice. After all, the boss is fallible and might be wrong. Only broadening your range of "ways" would help you tell that difference, though... so I guess it's only something you can handle better with time and experience.

So as I write this I guess what I'm suggesting is that instead of just accepting anxiety (a "flight" response), take a pro-active ("fight") approach to figure out what's going on, and either turn the criticism into a situation where you improve your work on your own terms, incorporating your boss' suggestions, or dismiss what he says. Either way, you'll feel a need to get things back under your own control. Don't worry if that sounds like you'd be a control freak; it's like for AS folks we have that insecurity built in. We just have to work with what we have, and learn how to use it effectively and appropriately, instead of trying to change or fight against what we are. Oh, and don't bottle your anxiety up either, it's best to talk about it to an understanding person, or post on WP about it, etc..

Sorry if that doesn't sound very reassuring. It does get easier over time. I guess what it boils down to -- short term: damage control on your terms; long term: broaden your expertise. As the cliche goes, "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger," and this is not going to kill you. I know it's difficult and feels like crap going through it, but just tell yourself you'll be even more awesome and capable and powerful at the end of it.

Hope that helps a bit!