The dooor ajar

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Now that I am near the end of the voyage through this inhospital planet I realize that it’s not that I have been deprived of the peaceful pleasures of living, but that I have always been fed, in my determination to act, do things, defend my body from sickness, respect some laws, try to maintain myself with some futile job, by “the carrot before the donkey”, by the richnness of meals wich I could glimpse through a door ajar. Sometime someone realized I was there and threw to me some piece of bread, like you do with some hungry dog passing nearby. The door ajar might be the resume of my life, probably of the life of most of us. It’s different from mere deprivation, because I (we) have been cheated all the time. So “The Door Ajar” might be the title of a blog for all of us who live and have lived in our condition. And I am convinced that a kind of “doctrine” of the “door ajar” is enticing us all the time in the approach to our anoressic kind. That the solution prepared for us is not partecipation (Impossinble,impossible), but cheating us with the carrot. A kind of softened apartheid. A little like the rationale of the peace process in Palestine.

Wow,you are a good writer.

I agree, isn't he, though?

Merle

I can't resist noting that "a jar" is a transparent container that doesn't interfere with vision but completely isolates what's inside it from everything outside.

So maybe it should be The door ajar jar.

Coming to fully realize this can be a deeply disruptive shock, the door ajar jar jar.

Is this at least the extent of things, as bad as it gets, or are there more door ajar jar jars?

well the only solution then is to pick yourself up and walk through that door.

I think this says that palo is leaving the hospital. It seems to worry him.

It would appear that he is isolated although he can see what it is like outside of the isolation.

Although he may be litarally hospitalized i think he has found the situation he is in, works well as a metaphor for his life.

The outside of hospital world will slap you around but at least you have your freedom of choice and routine.

Wishing you to have a smooth launch. Work your sails, and the winds momentum will bring you to land.

I don't know... it sounds to me like he is speaking of dying..

.... I jumped out of bed and removed the inflamatory feelings I had conveyed with no caution.
I am sorry. Paolo

i didn't know how to react

Love you.

Last edited by bigblock on 24 Jan 2009, 3:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

Paolo is in Italy, he is saying inhospitable. He is leaving this inhospitable planet

1.not showing hospitality : not friendly or receptive
2 : providing no shelter or sustenance

Not necessarily tomorrow, maybe be in two years. I am still curious to see some things and breath some fresh air: Anyhow I would prefer to end like a dog under a bridge or in a wood. Or like in Malone dies, The Unnamable, also very funny novels by Beckett. If I could recover my little dog Kamyla i might be still here for some more time. No hospital anyway . "The earth is our hospital" (T.S,Eliot's quartet?). let's have some fun in some convoluted way.

Much nicer to be in a beautiful place. I have been incentive, I have a lump in my throat going on 12 months, The family Dog (my closest friend Katey) has moved on this passed fall, and I identified with how she dealt with it,

...... I recognize that when I am sick I am snappy, and insensitive,(more than usual) that is why I want to die alone like Katey, to be remembered for my better days, not for being an ass. im an ass already though.

If I were a dog I would want to be under a blossoming tree in a field of flowers on a calm sunny day. After a Nice ride in the truck with my head out the window.


If I may read your other posts to try and see you, as you are, not me.

Everyone deserves love and understanding forever.

Just one thing I must know.

Is this about suicide, or terminal illness?

Suicide is off my radar and i have nothing un biased and understanding there. Its the will to survive that I wanted to touch on when I first responded to a hospital post which I can relate to.

I haven't an unbiased view on much if anything, so I shouldn't burden someone who is physically ill with my thoughts.


Learning experience here, no more left field interuptions on your post from me.

yellobelliedblockhead

how about old age? That is just as inevitable as any other means of passing on. I am looking at old age and infirmity come nearer, myself. My father took his own life at age 92, after my mother passed on. Sometimes being able to live longer is not necessarily a good thing. I know that I will not have enough money to live on when I am forced to retire, so I can understand that sometimes there is nothing more life can do for you, too. Sometimes the cavalry doesn't show up, you know.

Merle

Jeepers Merle, Im an idiot.

Stepping out in to traffic and getting whacked every time.

Really better look where i'm going.

deserving humility is bound to knock something into my brain.

hope Paolo had some expectations for an idiot like me to put in his two cents, really no grace here,

sticking to politics. Two left feet over here.

In life I haven't learned grace. I can see that without out it I have a big problem.

thankful for the gentle nature of your contact.

mat

naw, mat, you're not an "idiot", you have just not had to deal with stuff like this, yet.
go gentle on your own self, too, OK?

Merle