Dating 101 for midlife Aspies?

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I've found myself in my 40s, diagnosed with Asperger's just a few months ago, and determined to live as normal and happy a life as is possible with my AS, bipolar illness, and history of childhood sexual abuse by people outside my family.

I'd like to have a girlfriend, then eventually a wife and happy marriage, and then children.

The problem is I really don't know where to start. Do you have any suggestions for beginning points or recommendations for resources? I spoke with my psychiatrist about getting into therapy to learn some of the things that NTs learned as teens.

Also, would it be wise to seek out an Aspie woman for a relationship? My reasoning is that she and I could be more tolerant, accepting, and accommodating of one another's Aspie issues. Any thoughts?

Thanks!

Don't know what you're particular personality is like but to meet what I call 'sensitive' women try hanging out in book stores and join a book club if possible. The 'social' structures tend to lbe ess formal at those types of places and a casual remark to a total stranger isn't completely out of line. I think Aspies can date Aspies pretty well but sometimes they can't live together.

First thing?

Employment.

Few things (other than poor hygeine and an angry disposition) turn off a woman more than a man that has no job, unless of course he is financially well-off and retired.

Thanks for your suggestions. I will explore the stores and book clubs near me. I'll also remember that living together might not work. I appreciate the ideas.

I should have clarified that a little, meaning not sharing the same space more than not living together. Living together but having private areas seems to wrok pretty good as long as there is somebody to watch out for the bill paying and that type of stuff.

I think Aspie men might benefit from remembering that if you're interested in a woman, you have to show it. I don't mean going the other extreme and becoming her shadow, but I find that sometimes Aspie men behave with women as if they weren't interested and were trying to get rid of her. You don't only have to show interest in the very beginning, but also during the relationship.

Aspie men can't comprehend hints and normal flirting that a woman might do so we are oblivious about 90% of the time when around ladies.

regularguy, out of curiosity what has been your history with women up to this point?

That is good advice, and one of my main problems. Due to "fear of rejection", I have trouble saying anything more than "hi" to a woman that I'm interested in. Sometimes, I wonder how many women have passed me by, due to this inability. The good thing is....I now recognize the problem and acknowledge that learning how to "show interest", is an excellent place to start. Now, if I can only convince myself to apply this knowledge.....

How exactly does one 'show interest' without looking like a fool or jerk?

By what I call "getting involved". It's not just asking questions and listening, like a robot. It's asking questions to really learn about the person, what they like, what challenges they're facing, etc. And then comment, ask, etc. Eg: I met someone once who lived next to the park I most loved. When he heard how much I liked it, he took his camera to his morning walk and then put some photos online, for me to see. Fresh photos of my beloved place! That shows interest, without being a nudge. Little gestures like that. Of course, you need a certain degree of empathy (grasping what others might like) to do it.

That depends on your personality. If you think you are coming off as a fool or a jerk, then you know it's time to analyze yourself, and try to make some changes. Don't change yourself into someone who isn't you though, as that will cause problems in the future, and you will be labeled a fraud. I would say to start out subtle and go from there, and remember, it's a learning process and everybody is different. Find out what works for you.