My wife makes to-do lists

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they're even for herself. I've been doing really awesome about doing my chores and stuff. She's constantly making lists for herself like timetables and itineraries and stuff. She only follow through with maybe a tenth of what she puts down on any given list and it drives me nuts. N-V-T-S, nuts! It's just that she thinks I don't do anything except watch the baby (I now understand it's like having three full-time jobs at once and not being paid). She comes home, kicks the kid to her room so she can kick back, watch TV and have a smoke and eventually gets her. Makes dinner and leaves the dishes out for me to clean up. Again kicks the kid to the living room so we can have a smoke in the dining room.

She doesn't do much of anything except make dinner and occasionally load the dishwasher.

How do I deal with this?

Your wife sounds like me - I make lots of lists then don't do half of what's on them. It's the only way to get some kind of order into my daily routine - I'm not very organised. Maybe your wife's like that. Sounds like you're both under a lot of pressure. Kids can be so tiring and take all your time, so maybe she's trying too hard to 'get everything done'. It just ain't possible to have the same standards when you have a kid as before, there's not enough hours in the day, or spare energy either.

Could you write your 'lists' together? Might be less annoying if you have some say in the allocation of chores and you can prioritize what has to be done from what you can leave.

I'd say, talk to your wife and try and prioritize your time, leave what chores you can get away with leaving, and enjoy the time with your little one, they don't stay little for long.

Sorry to break it to you, Digger...but that is usually how it works. I would say you are lucky she cooks and loads the dishwasher. I was a stay at home parent until my kids were in middle school. Care of the home and children was my job. Now, granted yours is a different situation because the gender roles are switched. This can cause some conflict. My husband was always responsible for the trash, the yard work, things in need of repair...crap like that. If you still do all of these things in addition to all of the other household chores, I would say you have reason to gripe a little. This goes back to the gender roles. Men want to feel like men. You confused me a bit with the list thing. Is she making to-do lists for you? If so, what the crap? If the home and children are your job, then do your job and do it your way. If list make you feel beter, then it might prove more helpful to list the things you have done. You will not suffer the pressure to complete a list, or be upset by not completing one, and will have a nice peice of objective evidence to show your wife what you do all day. I will give you a bit of piece of mind in knowing it only gets better. I also work now and mine are teens...we all do house and yardwork.

nah. She makes the lists to give herself a sense of normalcy. I think she's aware she's a lazy-butt and that actually making a list helps her focus on what needs to get done. She just needs the "giddyap and go-atude" to get it done.

She will on occasion ask me to do something from time to time like if she meant to clean out the fridge by trash day and trash day comes along, she'll call or text me asking me to do it or something like that.

Well then, no need for you to stress over her own personal list making. Look on the bright side and count yourself lucky that you are in a situation where it is even possible for one of you to stay home.

well, I'm stressed at the fact that none of it seems to be getting done, see?

I can't go on strike or anything.

I have two full-time jobs and I'm not paid a dime.

i cannot write lists, keep a diary or fill in a calendar.
I was talking about this with my psychologist on wednesday.
i try to keep things in my head. i forget most of it.

i leave washing in the washing machine for days.
i forget to buy things when i have to face the horror of the shops,
i do remember stuff to do with my special interests.

everything is a tad chaotic.