does AS restrict your life b/c you have been told it does?

Post Reply New Topic

I read WrongPlanet postings daily and I have begun to notice a pattern I think. It seems to me that those who were diagnosed at young ages had or felt they had more restrictions placed on them due to their "disability". For example, today I was reading the posting on driving and sometimes if parents were aware of their child's AS they felt the child could/should not drive and never taught them. People with Down Syndrome and borderline mental retardation drive. What is it about AS that makes someone unable to drive? If you have panic issues, then that's panic disorder not AS. NTs have panic disorders that make them unable to drive, go out of the house, etc.

It seems to be that way with other issues such as attending college and relationships. If the child received an early diagnosis, the parents maybe felt the child had to be protected or didn't know enough about AS to help their child. As a result children were told they couldn't make friends, they couldn't go to college, they couldn't get married, they couldn't... How much are the issues people with AS struggle with related to AS and how much are related to being told you can't do certain things due to your "disability"?

I think it's parents being over protective and thinking they can't do this or that due to their disability so they hold them back which is bad for the child. So they grow up and learn to use it as an excuse because they believe they can't succeed or learn to overcome a trait because they had been told over and over they are unable to. They hold themselves back. They may think thier aspie child will never get married and have kids due to lack of empathy or being inflexible or understanding people and troubles with socializing so they think it stop them from meeting someone and think it will effect their parenting if they had kids due to the reason I already listed. About jobs, they think they can't have one because it requires people skills and flexbility so the parents may think their aspie kid can't do it.

How can AS stop someone from driving? Difficulty judging distance and that can effect your drving and it can lead you to get in a collision. It's also multi tasking and some people have difficulty with that so it be dangerous for them to be behind the wheel. There are the stops signs you gotta watch out for and other street signs, be on the look out for other cars and people. When you're in the parking lot looking for a parking spot, you also have to be on the lookout for when cars back out and that is multitasking.

When I read posts sometimes I feel like people are really limiting themselves because of what they think AS means, using it as a crutch to say this is how I am and I can't change it.

For example: I am not sure if I have AS. I may have some traits. What I am sure I have is a rare eustacian tube disorder that causes tinnitus, occasional pain, and my voice, breath sounds, and pulse to echo in my head. Both ears since I was a small child and all freaking the time. After I found out the name for it I did some reading on the internet and people have written about how disabling it is and they can't work and they have had it for a short time, minor case, and in one ear. I read things like that and my response is: "are they f*king serious?" No one taught me how to close the valve in my eustachian tube as a child to stop the echoing, I figured it out and moved on with my life. The condition is very, very annoying but not debilitating.

So I kind of feel the same about AS. Certain behaviors make it more difficult to relate the people and socialize, but not impossible. I was wondering if those who did not find out their AS until adult life just found ways to adapt to the NT world and felt some limitations, but their life was not completely debilitated by it. I read postings on here from married mothers who had their children diagnosed and that's how they discovered their AS traits. They were somehow able to form friendships (at least with husband), get married, and be loving parents.

I don't know if that makes sense to anyone.

I am actually glad I never got a diagnosis for this reason, I was DXd with ADHD at a young age but nobody treated me like I was disabled, if anything that treated me like I was a problem child. I have achieved some things in life that I might have been afraid to do if I'd had an AS diagnosis.

Hear hear! I hate seeing Aspies on here going on about how their AS stops them from doing so many things, when really, it's their thought processes and defeatist attitude that's stopping them from doing things.

When something stands in your way, knock it down and keep on going. Only when you give up do you truly fail.

Last edited by Asp-Z on 05 Aug 2010, 8:46 am, edited 2 times in total.

I do not mean to change any of your specific thoughts there, but simply to be more general.

Differing a bit from one person to the next, I also believe I see some negative results of diagnosis at even any age when people end up believing themselves sub-standard.

And you're so young but understand that already. Kudos to you.


It seems this topic was discussed some years ago.

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt16211.html

I still get told by my parents that I "can't do stuff" but I do try just to show them I can.Im smart enough to know if I want to know something I'll look it up and read up, that's how I learned how to look fashionable for example. Ive got AS but I have my license, sure I got it at 23 not 18 like everyone else but I m not upset as I know a "NT" who got hers in her mid 30's.

As for the employment front I use the strengths of my AS (accuracy and excellent searching skills and focus) and sell that to potential employers. Nothing as of yet but hopefully these skills as well as being single with no ties will get me a job.

I have noticed this too and I agree. But sometimes it isn't always ones who were diagnosed at a young age, it just seems like the person's mindset about the AS condition.

The pros and cons of diagnosis have been discussed widely on other threads but the experience of older aspies sheds some light on this question.

Obviously when I was younger the AS diagnosis did not exist so the problems I've had throughout my life were not caused by living up to the diagnosis but by the condition itself. Neither did I have overprotective parents in fact no parents at all since the age of 17. It's a huge relief to finally understand why I am the way I am. And I've just been referred for a diagnostic assessment and this can only bring benefits in terms of my self esteem and getting appropriate treatment for the co-morbid conditions I suffer from.

follow-on post to previous (clarifies what I was on about)

I think it's important to fight our problems and not assume we can't do things because we have an ASD I much prefer the constructive posts, especially those with the surreal trench humour that sums up our predicament. Having said that we need to face up to the problems we are gonna have with the best will in the world in order to deal with them constructively.

No it restricts me in life because that is the nature of the disorder.

Certainly an accurate answer, but I think the OP is trying to ask whether a bumblebee would never actually fly if made aware of the physics saying s/he should not be able to do so ... and to take a brief look at that from the other end ...

Until age 19, I did not believe I could really do much of anything significant until after I had incidentally passed an extremely simple aptitude test and someone had said I was "mechanically inclined" and had lots of potential.

I think the question here is about how easily some of us are either positively or negatively affected by the so-called "power of suggestion". My father had always said I would never amount to anything, but then a simple comment from a complete stranger at the Chicago AFEES (Armed Forces Evaluation & Entrance Station) reversed that.

I'm now past retirement age and it was only about a year ago that I read about AS and suspected that this had been my problem all through my life. Diagnosis subsequently confirmed it. So I agree with Sionis.

All through my life I was pressured by other people (particularly my parents) to do things that made me uncomfortable and unhappy - and also felt guilty because, for no reason that I could understand, I was different from other people. I struggled to 'cure' myself because I found therapy didn't work and I worked out - like most of us do - how to act in a way that made me fit into certain social situations.

One important thing I learned was that there was a gulf between what I wanted to do and what I was more comfortable doing. As a secretary I'd always wanted to do a glamorous, exciting job but found from experience that I was less stressed -and happier - doing routine work with set hours. Even then every day I hated actually going to work but when I reached retirement age I had the satisfaction of feeling that I hadn't given in.

Learning that I have AS has made me relax and it's taken a load of guilt off me. I'm not afraid now to acknowledge that certain things will cause me stress out of all proportion to any pleasure I might get from the experience.