Living Independently

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I am 27 and still live with parents in the UK. I am considering getting my own flat/apartment locally. I have a phobia about being on my own though. I was wondering if after a few months of living on my own I may become more comfortable with my own company. I was also wondering if anybody else had any experience of living with another aspie for company and to share bills and rent/mortgage with. I also have a phobia about hygiene which makes cooking difficult so don't know how I would cope with this. I would be very interested in your experience of any of these topics.

I hope this is the correct area for this disscusion.

I love it when people say that they want to live independently when clearly they will not be able to - they'll more often than not be switching one form of dependence from another. And I will no doubt be including myself in this too before anyone starts giving out.

Most likely, you'll do fine, Robbie. Personally, I'd recommend going it alone first, before you jump into a roommate situation. Aspies are generally more functional and ultimately more content not sharing living space with others. Try it and see if you don't find your confidence building as you begin to take care of a lot of things you've previously depended on others to do for you.

That's not to say you won't want to call or drop by Mom and Pop's to touch base or ask for help from time to time, but I think a lot of the things you may feel intimidated about are easier to cope with when you're in your own space, and can tackle them at your own pace.

Having a roommate (especially right off the bat) might just drive you round the bend. Other people are noisy, smelly, irritating and demanding. If you crave company, get a pet instead - they're great listeners and they don't sass back.

If you get a pet, remember dogs love you but take a lot of work, Cats mind their own business but do love you in their own way, they clean themselves and they are autistic!!

Serioulsy, Robbie,

If you can afford to get your own place, get your own place.

Sharing is HELL.

I hate the way other people think it's ok to leave the kitchen / bathroom dirty and messy even though I always leave it nice.

I also hate the way that other people eat without a plate and drop crumbs all over the floor which then get stuck in the bottom of my feet and end up in my bed.

And then if you say you have a problem with other people's dirt / mess... They just say you've got a problem...

Communal living is torture. Do NOT do it.

Sam x

Exactly. I hate sharing a place with other people. Especially if ideas of hygiene differ, it's most likely that you will constantly be annoyed and end up doing most of the work. Rosters help, but then you have to have a way to enforce them.

Also consider who would be responsible enough about rent, bills, etc. And remember, other aspies might not necessarily be easier to live with either.

Cats are less work than dogs.

My recommendation is to move out to somewhere quite close to your parents, so you can do your own thing but pop back and spend time and receive a bit of support. Good luck

Too right!

It doesn't work having a rota. All it does is put you in the awkward position of having to keep asking people why they haven't done their share. Most people are more than happy to sit back until the person with the highest standards / lowest tolerance to squalor does the work.

Shared Bills are less of a problem nowadays because you can make the other person responsible for paying their own share direct to the utility company via internet banking. Me and my sister do that and it works fine (well, except that my sister is so dumb she overpaid)!

Being near parents is probably a good idea actually. I'm at my mum and dad's at the moment and it cost me £60 to get her so it's not something I can do as often as maybe would be good.

Living alone is ok but can be a bit boring. I used to go to the gym a lot when I had my own place. It's good to have an outside interest.

Sam x

I guess I went through "phases"

After my ex, I got my own apartment. It was nice having my own place to myself, but it was damn quiet and I spent all my time hanging out at the local bookstore instead.

I left that place after a year, and moved-in with an older woman roommate. It was nice to have company, and she kept to herself and whatever guy she was dating, but it was too cluttered for my taste. The clutter drove my nuts.

After a year of that, I got my own place again, and rented-out the spare room to a friend of mine after a few months. Now, I'm wishing I had the place back to myself.


It's tough to find a happy medium. When you have the place to yourself, you miss having someone around. When there's somebody ALWAYS there, you miss the time you had to yourself.

Just can't win.