Adults with AS, how do you find eye-contact?

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I'm wondering if making eye-contact and holding it get easier as you get older. I'm 40 now and although I haven't been diagnosed yet (will be booking my appointment later on today with any luck) I seem to waver between finding it very difficult or kind of locking gaze and almost staring. But I can do it if I make a conscious effort, and that's the crucial thing. Working in the industry that I work in (creative writer for advertising) as a creative we're almost expected to be a bit quirky, so my quirks have been accepted or at least tolerated in the main. Plus I've had to do things like 'Presentation Skills' training, which I believe have helped enormously. When it comes to presenting work to clients or being in meetings I just have this sort of 'well it's not going to go away and I have to do it' attitude that carries me through, even if I'd rather not be there. It is stressful but I think that with age and basically confronting the same issues time and time again it does get easier.

How about you?

Yes, I too waver between avoiding making any eye contact and kind of staring which I try to avoid as it makes people uncomfortable. It's something I have to keep reminding myself, that people don't like to be looked at too much, but I found myself doing it in the dentist's waiting room this morning, I didn't realise I was doing it until the woman I was looking at started shifting around in her seat and looking at the magazines (I wasn't deliberately looking at her, she was sitting opposite from me, I was thinking about something else but my eyes were pointing at her, lol, I wasn't taking in any visual information if you know what I mean)

I find eye contact easier in the summer when I wear tinted glasses I don't have any problem then. It's easier with the 'barrier'.

So, to answer your question, does it get easier with age? Hmm, not sure, I'm 51 and I still have problems, but I don't worry about it so much now I'm older. People have told me that they thought I was 'shy' because of the eye contact thing, but that doesn't bother me.

I work in the creative field too, as a graphic artist/designer. I've also found that our greatest help is to accept and encourage the quirky persona. I find it helps a lot, and I use it to actually interact better than I could if I have having to appear "normal".

Eye contact is one of those things where the realtime control that NTs have is critical.

We can fake it in one way or another, but its never going to be reliable. Certainly, more is better than less, but watch for those situations where you hyptonise the poor bugger on the other end by the sheer force of your gaze.

And stuff like that.

I flicker my eyes alot when I look at someone as too much eye contact I find a little painful in my eyes to me ther is no communication except at what has been said to me. I do try but what I find most annoying is that neurotypicals are always so fussy when people are concerned it is very off putting. They expect you to get everything in so called non verbal communication 100% correct if not they won't like it. It's ridiculus.

No problem now at 56. In my childhood and twenties eye gaze hurt. I deliberately worked on it after I heard my mother say that she did not trust a neighbor because she would never look her in the eye. That was a revelation to me that eye gaze was important.

It used to hurt a lot when I was younger and I needed to get away at some point in the day to feel healed but it is very different now. It comes and goes but I know that I don't have to stick around if I don't want to. I wear dark sunglasses all year whenever I go out and that really helps. It also helps to conceal when I stare too much. I never thought it would get easier but it has.

I don't know if I'm better at it, because until the last couple of years I was completely unaware of whether I was doing it or not. Nowadays, if I am feeling very relaxed and happy I can do it quite a lot, the rest of the time I tend to avoid eye contact, or if I do look at someone I become aware of it very quickly and it becomes very artificial. I do find its different with different people. With my family, eye contact just seems weird - from that I get the impression that I didn't do it at all when younger. With strangers though it is more natural. I don't think I do the staring thing. Now I know I have a bit of a problem with it I am just too aware of it to know what I do naturally. I think I can fake it fairly well though in a necessary situation (like interview).

I still can't do it, but looking at their mouth seems to satisfy their needs

I just got better at it as I grew older.
I've also noticed that, rather look into a person's eyes, I look at just the left eye. Although this might have something to do with me having a "lazy eye" as well.

It's funny that I lived 58 years oblivious to the fact that I only make eye contact when I first begin to interact with someone. When I am listening to them speak, I usually visually focus on some inanimate object so I can completely concentrate on what they're saying. Well, duh, they think I'm dissing them, I suppose. At least I was happy and innocent in those days. Now I'm aware of this and instead of listening to them, I'm stressing out about not too much, not too little eye contact. I figure this will eventually settle down, but I'm still trying to determine what other folks are comfortable with. Guess that's why I prefer talking while hiking...

I honestly don't pay much attention to eye contact. Sometimes, however, I will suddenly become aware that I'm looking at someone's eyes, and when I become aware of that, I feel like I ought to look away, since I don't want to stare. Or I start having thoughts like, "I wonder why so many women wear mascara. It looks so lumpy, and there is a little piece of it in the corner of her eye." Also, I sometimes become aware that when I'm talking about something that I really have to think about, I look off to the side. My mother does that as well. Very little actual eye contact. I don't think it comes across as evasive, or dishonest, though. It just looks like she needs to consider he words.

I think I make periodic eye-contact with the person who is speaking, but don't make eye-contact at all while speaking, but I may be wrong. It's hard to know, because as soon as I become conscious of it, it changes.

I've never considered eye-contact to be something I have trouble with, really. It does make me uncomfortable when people make too much eye-contact, though. Or if they stare at me while they are chewing their food.

My understanding is that for the most part, folks are most comfortable with eye-contact behavior that most closely resembles their own.

The more closely you can mimic the eye-contact behavior of the person you are talking with, generally the better they will feel about you (all other things being equal).

Comparatively speaking I have a lot more confidence in myself now that I am older. I am also more assertive and aggressive when I have to be. When I do lock my gaze with someone it’s more like an aggressive expression than anything else. Other than this type of situations it hasn’t gotten any easier.

I feel violated when people force me to look them in the eye. I think it is our culture that demands eye contact, Asian cultures certainly don't. Eye contact is a very intimate thing for me, not sexual, but reserved for great moments when you and the other person share a common thought or a beautiful transitory moment.

I am trying very hard at this. I have a hard time with eye contact. I am usually looking up into space or something non-descriptive so I can focus better on what I want to say. Needless-to-say, it makes conversation sometimes very difficult with certain people.

Still, I am patient with myself and will keep practicing making eye contact while I am trying to talk to them. I hope in time that it gets easier for myself.