widower

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Grieving yet having to take care of things and work.
Lost without her, she was also an Aspie and we kept to ourselves for decades.
That tiny world of ours was fine for both of us, now it is feeling like a black hole.
Time passing doesn't help. I won't be able to live like this much longer.

I am very sad to hear of your situation. I know the overwhelming sense of loss you feel, having been widowed myself at a fairly early age. It takes a long time to assimilate such a huge loss and it never goes away, though in time you learn to live with it more peacefully and the time comes when the good memories stop being a source of pain and loss and become a comfort, a source of private treasure that you visit and re-experience. It did take me a long time to reach that stage, and before that I seemed to go around in circles and cycles of grief that were unpredictable and often overwhelming. I did find new happiness eventually.

I am very sorry for your loss and offer my sincere and heartfelt condolences.

I thought of you when I woke up this morning, and remembered the first book I read when I was the same first stage of deep grief and loss. It was written by a Rabbi who lost his son: "When Bad Things Happen to Good People" (1978) and this helped me in some way - it brought me some comfort when nothing else did at that time.
So I hope it can bring you some comfort too, the solace of reading something written by someone who has lived through the same deep pain and the lostness that you feel when such great grief is so new.

My deep compassion for your loss of your dear wife. I am widowed also. The love you shared was something special. In time, memories will no longer cause you pain, but instead will warm your heart. I am wishing you strength today.

Thanks you for the caring and advice.
I guess the good thing is that I am reaching out for a change. My mind needs some kind of destination for certain thoughts. If I can't communicate with my wife then these thoughts circle endlessly in my head.

She was the only one who knew me, past, present and my/our plans for the future.
That person was "us" not "me".
I don't know who "me" is anymore.

I understand. It's like having your limbs suddenly torn off, talk away.