social drinking

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I used to do a lot of drugs when I was in my teens, it was a pretty bad time in my life for a lot of reasons. I drank a lot for awhile too, but once I got into my 20's, I quit all drugs, and just drank socially. I often drank too much though in social situations... and by that I mean, I just couldn't control my inhibitions. I only had bad black outs a couple of times during my heavy drinking then, but I just couldn't fit in with the other drinkers. I decided to quit drinking and get my life together. I've been without alcohol for about 3.5 years, but I realize I'm not an alcoholic, I just had a lot of problems then.

It's so tough to make friends and do anything... me not drinking just makes it 10X worse, because my only opportunities to socialize are to go out for a beer, and I end up avoiding them. I've been thinking about trying some social drinking again, I just don't want to regress in any way. It's a catch 22, because on one hand not drinking means I never have hangovers and am a better worker, but it also means I have no friends and can't get a girlfriend. If I did drink socially, then I'd at least have opportunities where I could maybe make some friends or meet a girl. I don't know what to do.

I am finishing my degree this summer, and starting work in the fall. Maybe I should just wait a couple more years to see if I can establish myself, and see if things improve in my life? I am almost too scared to take a drink now, even though I don't believe I am alcoholic. But, it seems like if I don't drink then I have zero chance of ever having friends or a girlfriend. Not drinking in University helped me to pass my classes, but I could never make friends or get a girlfriend... I had opportunities, but me not drinking just destroyed the opportunities I had. Thoughts?

start smoking

I don't drink but I became a social smoker, there's always a moment for interesting or stupid conversations, nicotine is supose to make you temporally less anxious, giving cigarretes or receving them it's like trading charming and besides it will take me sooner to my end becoming an exemplar citizen (appart from long cancer and all random related deceases sounds neat to me)

you could also accept the fact that you enjoy yourself, and that you are way much cooler without alcohol.

Good luck!

Diana

Wow I wish I could just drink "socially"....

Why don't you just go out and try drinking a few. You were probably young and dumb (no offense meant) before when you found drugs and alcohol amusing.

If you hold this notion that you're an alcoholic, then trying to drink normally won't work out. If you think you're an alcoholic, you will drink how you think an alcoholic drinks or how you've been taught an alcoholic drinks. Whether or not you're actually an alcoholic. It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What do you mean by social drinking? Do you mean drinking like a normal person?

GustavHolst has some good advice re. 'thinking you're an alcoholic' (not saying that you do by the way as you clearly say that you don't think you are). In my opinion far too many people (Americans in particular) are in AA who very probably don't need to be. It's like some kind of church or club for them. And I do believe that victim mentality breeds victim activity, i.e. 'oh no, poor me, I'm an alcoholic, what am I going to do, f**k it then I'll get wasted it's too late already...'

I drank when I was younger to fit in and help me relax in social situations a lot like you're describing. The industry that I managed to find my niche in also had a strong emphasis on going out drinking, and it has to be said that drinking a lot is pretty much a typical part of English culture. So, I found myself drinking quite heavily in order to relax after work, this went on for years and years and years with great regularity. I used it as a crutch, as I imagine from your post you also used to do. About a year or two ago I realised that I was in danger of causing myself serious long-term damage and although I had a psychological addiction to the effect of alcohol (not alcohol itself) I didn't have a physical addiction (I also went to see the doctor just to be on the safe side and had a liver function test, which was all good). So, I stopped drinking completely for 9 months. However, this didn't stop me from going out to pubs and meeting my friends, I just had soft drinks, juice etc.. I started drinking again over the Christmas just gone and quickly realised that I was slipping back into old, bad, habits (almost routine) of drinking more than enough with regularity. So, I checked myself and asked myself if I really wanted to have serious, very serious, health problems as I got older - the answer was a resounding 'no'. I now find myself in a situation where I can do what you describe you'd like to be able to do. For example, I met up with a dear friend 2 nights ago, we had 2 drinks at the pub and then 1 with our meal, on the way home I passed the booze shop and thought 'hmm, maybe I'll get another can of beer', but I stopped myself with relative ease by stopping and thinking about what I was doing rather than just acting on impulse. Last night I was working late and didn't leave the office until 8.30, on the way home I pass the booze shop and think 'hey, I've been working really hard I deserve a beer' but no I stopped myself again, carried on home and felt really good about myself. I think the danger is in drinking on your own or getting into the habit of having 1 or 2 every evening - you must avoid these patterns at all cost because they're a slippery slope to psychological or physical addiction.

It takes courage and it takes a firm resolution but you can do it. Sorry if this has been a long rambling essay on my own experiences but I wanted to share with you what I've learned from experience. Drinking socially is perfectly possible but if you have a history of being wreckless with drink then you do have to be very firm with yourself, give yourself a limit, say no more than 3 alcoholic drinks in one evening when you're out, after that limit's used up drink soft drinks or really pace yourself so you don't neck those 3 alcoholic drinks in the first hour or so. Plus do not get into a habit of drinking on your own. Plus if you break your own rules once or twice (but not with regularity) don't beat yourself up about it, it's not the end of the world. If you really try doing this and find it impossible to stick to then you need to consider seeking help, I believe CBT is a good way to break destructive patterns of behaviour. I hope this is of help - and good luck!

I think alcohol affects people differently.

My whole side of the family has always had trouble with the drinking and the using. I can't count how many times it got out of control. I've been hospitalized several times from over drinking and did the discipline thing by limiting myself to a few drinks. Once in a while I'm able to pull it off but then I'm back into the habit and for some reason I can't handle it like I use to.

I'm sorry if this is coming off like an excuse but it's been very hard for me to stop drinking after only 3 little drinks. In fact, it use to boggle me how people could only drink that many.

Anyway, I think people are different...if Space has a problem with drinking and using, I don't think there's anything wrong with being alert about it. He's an adult afterall and it's his choice.