Interview with an Aspergian

Post Reply New Topic

Congrats great interview, I loved it.

I see it was no worth for outsiders, but only for ourselves ASers who want to get deeper into ourselves. In your interview, at the end some kind of strange problem-girl Interview trying to ADAPT in a disturbing reality, trying to say there are PROBLEMS.

I mean I have not much confidence on depending/hanging on outside-help forces, or awaiting for some 7th cavallery at "little beat Horn" to save "our traits". I mean, I learnt till now that all you want and respect, have to be won by oneself, and all is hard-WIRED physically, NEUROgenetically, not all is so easy.

I see no future in this kind of Info-External-Activism,
I see future more in our-selves doing and pushing things for our-sake than awaiting for NT-World to be polite and happy with someOnes who they do not understand and they will never understand. No future. NO NTs WILL change/break their IDEAS to move nearer-AS and understand ASers.

What I mean, It is not language of "self-pity, defensiveness and negativity, or something incoherently strange".

I mean: It is a language of joining our destiny of being growing each other as trees making our shadows ourselves to improve our own growth.

Are you not tyred of "knocking NT-heaven doors" and getting strange answers in exchange?
Please, No more knocking NTs door:
NOW that:
we know WHERE ASers are, WHO ASers are, WHAT ASers do, and WHEN they do is. Now we have chances in this WRONGPLANET
NOW is the moment: You get CHANCES to knock the right WP door, and not anymore neighbour door, WE have been already for lots of years in an unconcious way doing it.
You ask rationality, out of your ingenuity, into an "emotionality" Outsider-world.


-"Believe in your self, we are who we are - as it can feel like an endless task trying to be someone else!" Alyson Bradley

Enjoy the new world WrongPlanet.

both groups make a good effort at mutual respect.

we should cloister ourselves from socialization

missing out on valuable encounters-- a chance to learn from each other.

The key to happiness for us is to integrate into society, but on a parallel. Both groups are traveling in the same direction side-by-side, but neither group crosses paths.

Yo do because you are in WP-FORUM, we are cloistered right now, haha

I'm not cloistering myself. I'm here to engage in discussion with people who have similar minds, but I do not make this my exclusive social outlet. There is a difference between a haven and cloistering one's self.

WP is great for connecting with other Aspies about common struggles and to find understanding and compassion. It's funny to joke about how much easier it would be to have a nation founded by autistics for autistics, but in reality that wouldn't be a good thing. Though some don't realize it, NTs need us amongst them just as much as we need them amongst us. It's people filled with malicious intent that we don't need surrounding us, and there are malicious people both NT and Spectrumite alike. We both have our own unique contributions to society. For some NTs, it's organizing social events or sales and marketing, and for Aspies it may be as grand as writing something equally as brilliant a concept as E=MC^2 or it may be as simple as processing large databases of information.

I apologize if I'm misunderstanding the intentions of your replies as I suspect English is not your native language (sees "Spain" as your location). I hope you understand the intentions of mine.

I do not know who is going to make any effort, as they stand at a Dominant/Power place. I mean, you forget you are taking of some ppl with WHOLE-power, and other flattered. For a beginning of negociate, we are not called equals but "ILL", ILLNESS, PROBLEM, "Something strange".

I saved the first 2-3 letters of this discussion to think more about them on a rainy Sunday -- today! I see that another page and more have been added.

I do wish that I had known about Asperger's 60-65 years ago. What a difference knowing would have made over the rest of my long life.

I can see a sea shift already in my son's age group. Once NT kids understand him, they think he is really fun, interesting, talented, and an asset to their world. Why do you not believe it is possible? It is. The terminology will eventually change to reflect the reality, as more people come to understand what that is. It just takes time and sincere communication.

Goddess, I think it's great that you took the time to write such thoughtful responses. While I get a little irritated that AS is suddenly the hot condition of the moment, I remind myself that providing the right input will ultimately make life better for my child. He's been the subject of two thesis papers written by people who knew him well. I'm still waiting for my copy ... hmm ... Well, maybe not. Until the rest of the world catches up and starts seeing AS as something other than a disorder, such analysis could be hard to swallow. I trust they did right by him or I would not have allowed it. Still ... I will always have mixed feelings about that sort of thing.

Recently a co-worker of mine approached me with a question. She had to do an interview-style paper on someone with a "mental disorder" for her sociology class. As she knows that I have Asperger's, she asked if I'd mind completing a questionnaire for her assignment. I agreed.

She emailed me a few weeks later saying that her professor wanted permission to use this interview as an example of "exceptional scholarly work". I was quite surprised by this statement, but again gave her permission to allow her professor to use my interview as I hope that my message really reached out to her and perhaps will afford me an opportunity to one day speak at the college to a larger audience.

I have already shared this with GRASP, and was thanked for a job "well done". Since it was met so warmly by Michael John Carley himself (I was very excited to recieve an email from him as he's a big inspiration for my personal awareness education efforts ) and the head of GRASP's Philadelphia chapter, I thought I should also share this with the members of Wrong Planet.

Here is the content of the interview:

Interview conducted on August 20, 2008, 3:00 p.m.:

Q: How long have you had this medical condition?

A: I've had Asperger's Syndrome my whole life, though I was unaware until recent years that my social difficulties were explainable by this particular term. I discovered Asperger's, and other Autism Spectrum Disorders, when going through the diagnostic process with my daughter when she was about 20 months old. She was diagnosed with Pervasive Developmental Disorder- Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS). My husband also has AS, and my son is undergoing the diagnostic process for Autism Spectrum Disorders.


Q: What are some of the major changes this condition has made in your daily life?

A: There have been no changes to my daily life, save for the ones I've actively made to improve my socialization skills, as I've always had AS. One of the major differences in my daily life as compared to the lives of neurotypicals (NTs- those individuals who are non-autistic) is that social rules do not come natural to me, and sometimes leave me in awkward positions where people might perceive me as rude, authoritative, insensitive and/or inattentive.


Q: Explain to me how this has impacted the following facets of your life: family, work, social life, and lifestyle.

A: Family: Family life for me has always been very turbulent. No one understood why a girl who read her first book at age 2 ½ did not seem to have an ounce of common sense. I did not pay attention in school and refused to do my homework, especially in those subjects that bored me, but I aced my tests. How well I did in a class was usually tied into how much the teacher counted assignments towards the final grade. This frustrated my parents and I was in trouble a lot for it. The social pressures [bullying] increasingly raised my already underlying AS-driven anxiety, and further pushed me away from having the mental energy to put into things that I didn't particularly enjoy. Not understanding this, my parents just assumed I was lazy, and that caused additional problems.


I understand my behaviors in retrospect, as I am now aware of the driving forces behind them. Now that my family knows, they too have begun to put everything in perspective and have forgiven a lot of the aggravation I caused.


Work: Despite the overwhelming administrative policy for companies to create a solely professional environment by downplaying the existence of social hierarchies in the workplace, socialization is important for one to be successful in their job. I have had many difficulties gauging the appropriateness of certain things I say or do because in an office, people tend to speak "roundabout" rather than being direct. I tend to take things literally and miss out on the possible implications of indirect speech. This has sometimes caused great misunderstandings between me and my past employers and my past co-workers.


Social life: My social life has always been difficult. As a child unaware of my neurological differences, I was troubled by my inability to make and keep friends. I didn't realize that there was more involved than just simply being kind to someone. There were social rules that had to be followed, and I was clueless as to what these were. They're something that isn't taught, rather instinctively known to most people. Essentially if social situations are compared to a poker game, I've been playing it with cards from an UNO deck.


As an adult aware of my AS, I've been able to adapt. It doesn't come natural, but through active observation I have been able to build up a "social database", so to speak. It acts as a rough guide on how to handle specific situations. Its only downfall is my inability to cross-apply the rules for those situations I haven't encountered, though they might be similar to those I had encountered before.


Lifestyle: My lifestyle hasn't been affected as greatly as those who are deeper into the spectrum than I am, however, it does have its subtle limitations. I need time to decompress and "reset" my senses after feeling overloaded. I've also had to put myself in very uncomfortable situations for the sake of making a living. I've worked in telemarketing and customer service type positions where I've stumbled my way through, but dreaded dragging myself into work each day as the social anxiety was sometimes too much for me. My current job is a perfect fit as it's self-directed work, and outside of our department, all of my communications are handled by email, which is an easier forum for me to concisely present my ideas, and be able to proofread them before sending. I stammer when anxious, but write eloquently (or so I've been told).


Q: Can you share some of the coping/adaptations you made in your daily life to live with this medical condition?

A: I pay attention to sensory input and how it directs my behavior. I try my best to recognize a meltdown before it happens and its causes.


Q: What has been the most difficult adjustment?

A: The most difficult adjustment is going through life knowing that I'm different, but trying to fit in without stripping myself of my identity. I want to be me, even with all of my flawed "charms".


Q: What can you share with others who may be newly diagnosed with this condition?

A: Diagnosis can be freedom for those who have gone through life not knowing why they had such a difficult time connecting with the world around them. It should never be considered a label for pity and excuses, but rather a tool to help them learn more about themselves and apply those lessons for success. People with AS DO get married and they DO have children and they DO hold down successful jobs. Knowledge is the key along with a willingness to make some positive changes (this includes placing yourself in somewhat uncomfortable positions for the sake of learning to cope).


Q: What aspect of having this medical condition is most stressful?

A: The most stressful part, in my opinion, is feeling like I don't always connect with those around me. People are kind to me, and some consider themselves my friends, but few understand me to the core. I am fortunate that my husband, another with AS, and I can find comfort in each other's understanding at the end of the day.


Q: Do you have insurance that covers some of the expenses?

A: Yes, I have health insurance. I haven't had many related expenses as an adult. As a child, I was taken to many therapists to try and get to the bottom of things. Unfortunately, due to the lack of knowledge at the time, I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder and switched from anti-depressant to anti-depressant all through my adolescence. It was completely the wrong approach and further complicated an already difficult issue.


Q: Do you use any services provided by an agency supporting the condition, i.e. support groups?

A: As there is so much focus on children right now, and so much is still yet to be learned by the medical community about Autism and related "disorders", there isn't a large amount of resources aimed at individuals entering adulthood. I subscribe to a group called GRASP (http://www.grasp.org). They are doing much to raise awareness and clear up any misconceptions the media may have presented to the general population about who we are and what we're capable of accomplishing.


Q: What services would help to make your life less stressful?

A: I don't believe any exist beyond those I've mentioned.


Q: How can health care providers be more helpful?

A: Learn from your patients. Realize that the only reason Asperger's is labeled a "syndrome" is because our behaviors (resultant from sensory differences) deviate and grate against the social norm. Remember that what is the norm is only such because the majority set the standard. We are capable, intelligent people with multiple talents. When put in an environment that is sensitive to our sensory differences, we can accomplish things beyond our NT counterparts, although usually in a very concentrated area. Help your patients discover their passions and help them find their comfort zone to excel.

this was very well written.
thank you for sharing.

Unfortunately, it's only in the written word that I'm so articulate. I stammer a lot verbally, and have a hard time organizing my thoughts into coherent paragraphs. It's so much easier to slow down and see the words in front of me rather than try to spit them out as fast as they manifest in my mind.

Thank you. It was my pleasure.

Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed reading and the way you views things, like you I understand that I sense, feel and see the world differently from others, the world is not abnormal, but my perceptions are often misunderstood. Like you my words often come out in a jumbled cascade of chaos, my written thoughts can be clearer but I am also dyslexic and words jumble as I write. My brain seems to process like a computer, when too many thoughts often goes into auto pilot - sometimes I wish I could pull the plug, still prefer not to override as often most creative when on full power.. the problems accrue when we no longer want to think, no switch!

I do not feel we have a mental disorder, but it's more we have complex minds, our obsessive tendencies push the boundaries, our moods often triggered by our extremities of difference, frustrations from whats normal to me is seen as wrong by others.... Labels we are given by professionals trying to figure us out, and then feel a need to want to change, conform us to fit into their world!

Very informative and well rounded essay. Congrats!

Whilst you have discontinued your blog, have you considered writing a book (spare time permitting lol)? Not only do you clearly possess the capability, and are a high flying success story which in itself is very marketable, but you have an honesty and realism that people can easily interpret and relate to. Being gregarious, adept at blending perfectly in NT society, and being a leader rather than a follower, you would have absolutely no problem making the right contacts to enable finding an agent.

Lol here I am trying to give career advice when you hardly need it! I just think you have such a talent and would be an asset to AS awareness (did you notice all the double s's there? Is there such a thing as drunken hands syndrome?).