How do I get nero-typicals to not say "ret*d"?

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It's offensive to me to hear "ret*d" being used to mean "stupid," even before I was diagnosed with Asperger's and depression. How can I make it clear that I feel harassed whenever people misuse this word?

I hate that word with a passion-it makes me sick I am pretty sensitive to that word and hate it very much. I would like to see that word go away.

That's a bit of a ret*d statement.

The best thing you can do is gradually get to know people better and perhaps when you're in their "in-group" they'll feel a bit sh***y about saying it and will stop.

Also? Lots of things are offensive; some people like nothing more than to find something to be offended about. Try to put it out of your mind if you can. A lot of those people are just a***holes.

Yeah people use the word pretty loosely, they don't realize how offensive it can be. I overheard some co-workers using it last night and they were just laughing about it. One was like "your so mean". The concept of being ret*d, is so far from there minds. Another one is, "your so gay". I've used to hear that one used frequently.

Yup - with a lot of these terms the actual original meaning of the insult - i.e. relating to severe developmental disabilities - is much fuzzier with many younger people these days. Similar to how the word 'gay' is used. Or 'mong'.

Last edited by Tequila on 29 Dec 2011, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The term "aspie" sounds a bit ret*d in my opinion. That's why I never say it.

Ironically, the people who say these kinds of things are usually borderline ret*d themselves (I understand people can't help these kinds of things). There are two approaches I've taken with these people: The first, and best, is to ignore them completely. The second approach is to use sarcasm--agree with them and add, "If we were all as rich, smart, and good-looking as you, you wouldn't have any reason to be so nasty." And walk away.

I say the first approach is best, because if you manage to pull off the second one, you will hurt them, and I'm just not into that. The reason is that these people know they're no such thing; they torment others to make themselves feel secure. Take away that security and they'll leave you alone. I really feel sorry for those who torment others; they are usually born idiots and have a hard row to hoe in life.

I also don't like the use of that word to mean stupid. Why don't people just use the word stupid instead?

I don't know if you know this but lots of insults denoting stupidity that are in use today originally denoted intellectual disability. Consider the words "idiot" and "moron" for instance.

You are never going to be able to stop people from using name calling. It's not so bad when they are talking about some one in an article they are reading or some one they see on TV. It's pretty normal to name call and critisize someone who isn't there. Sometimes you are just thinking aloud and talking to yourself when you do it, and sometimes to friends or co-workers. But, it is pretty nasty when they are using it directly in talking to someone, like "You are such a ret*d!". There is no way to stop such nasty behavior. The best thing is to keep your cool and avoid the nasty types as much as possible.

I wish there were a way to stop them, but I know from personal experience that there isn't. School was a really rotten time for me. Adults would tell me to remember that sticks and stones might break my bones, but that names could never hurt me. Yeah, right. What a load of crap that was. Psychological pain hurts, too. I won't even go into the pushing, shoving, throwing things, and occasional hitting, tripping, yanking, and dragging. My parents focus was on getting me "fixed" so that I would be able to fit in. Fitting in is not possible for many of us on the spectrum, and "fixing" is not possible at all. I would have fared better as a home schooled kid, but my parents were into fitting in to the "normal" way of doing things, meaning public school for me and my siblings. If I had kids, they would be home schooled, no matter whether they were on the spectrum or NT.

One thing I have learned over the years through observation, reading, and through news sources. Bad things tend to happen a lot more to bad people than to good people. In large part because they often put themselves into situations that lead to bad outcomes. So, bad people are their own worst enemies, and bring down punishment on themselves eventually.

Just try to ignore the jerks who call you names, and try to avoid them as much as possible. They are not worth your time and energy. And remember, we on the spectrum are all:

A Different Drummer

If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
Perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
Let him step to the music which he hears,
However measured or far away.

--Henry David Thoreau

Correct.



Even more correct.

Just another one of those words that will (hopefully) be eradicated over time. I admit, I've even let it slip once or twice, just because I've heard it so many times myself (usually from jokes). Language changes often, though, so I think there's a good chance that people will stop using it eventually.
(And not to be offensive or anything, but it used to be that nearly everyone used the two "n" words, and now few people use it, save the occasional crude slang/ rude lyric).

It used to be common to say "that's gay" about one thing or another but now you can't say that anymore without pissing someone off. They might as well do the same thing for the term "ret*d". I didn't feel the hurtful affects of this until after my ex boyfriend used this to describe me and then my mother said this to me. So yeah, it is rather hurtful not just to people with Down Syndrome but to anyone with disabilities.

the whole "ret*d" thing is complicated for me. i do not like to hear it used as a pejorative. example: in my APUSH class in HS i remember some people talking about autism the musical (it had just come out) and how funny it had been to watch the ret*ds freak out. i had an issue with that not only because they equated autism with mental retardation but because they were being insulting in general. however, i do not have an issue with saying that someone is who is mentally ret*d...is mentally ret*d. i dont have an issue with it when it is a fact and is not being used as an insult. if someone calls me ret*d...the circumstances matter. like in elementary and middle school, people called me ret*d, among other names, as an insult because i was strange. i have an issue with throwing the word around that way. on the other hand, i suppose i am a hypocrite because with certain family members and friends we toss the word around at each other...as a joke. and i dont have any issue with that. examples: my best friend has called me socially ret*d. it is not used as an insult, she says it in a joking tone of voice, and...well, it is true. i am pretty socially ret*d. the same friend and i will also say "ret*d" when one of us does something...for lack of a better word dumb. this is wrong, i'm sure, but we are not insulting each other. it is said as a joke and with laughter kind of like "smooth move ex-lax" without the sarcasm. like when she looks all over the house for her sunglasses...and they are on her face. or when i get into arguments about things and have issue with something that actually isnt an issue but i was so quick to go into Aspie Argument Mode that I dont even NOTICE until the 10th time they have told me...lol.

You can't fight it. You can't stop people from saying offensive things. So the best thing to do is own it. Just like how black people call each other "n****r" sometimes and just like gays call each other "queer" or even "fag", we should own "ret*d". Only then does its stigma fizzle away.

The semantics of a words can only change if we change it.

I'm not afraid of a word and I don't think we should let society make us afraid of it either.

Just a suggestion.

No, it doesn't. The words remain just as offensive as before.

Just because British-born Pakistanis will call themselves "Pakis" doesn't mean to say they won't be quite upset if someone non-Pakistani calls them by that name.