The Autistic Female disadvantage

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Women with autism: do they really suffer less than men? Are autistic women the ultimate masters of disguise? New research suggests women could face yet another gender-related disadvantage. - New Statesman

Thanks for posting this.
I think women do have better masking skills then men. But it doesn't mean we don't experience the difficulties created by autism.

I'm female and I have completely absent "masking" ability.

I doubt there are many women with autism who are as socially isolated as I am...and many other men I know. A woman with autism is still attractive to men, maybe even more so if she's got Asperger's and isn't ruled by her emotions...however, men with autism have very little success with women.

Moderator advisory note
This post was reported, and though I understand why you may feel as you do, feelings are not facts.
Doubt you may that women with autism are as socially isolated as you though there could be many reasons for that unrelated to gender, and your kind of blanket, generalised speculation is offensive to some members. Please refrain from posting "men are all this, women are all that" comment on threads.

Logically considered, "every woman is with autism" is not attractive to men - 'out there' lesbians for example don't fit with your generalised view and not every man with autism has little success with women - some of the male members of WP are married and apparently happily so. Posts making these kinds of black and white claims laced with sexism cause a lot of trouble on WP so it would be appreciated if you would give this some attention in future. You are certainly not the only member who could perhaps benefit from rethinking how to comment without sexist generalisation, so I hope others who are prone to doing that will take it on board too. Peace! B19

And the "who has it worse" competition begins.

On what evidence do you base your claim that autistic women are attractive to men. This seems like an absurd generalization to me. Also, being "attractive to men" does not erase all the difficulties associated with autism. I'm not sure why you think it would.

I'm pretty sure we suffer on an equal plane, but this article is pretty iffy, for example:

"Recent revelations suggest that it’s this assumption that has failed generations of autistic women."

I fail to see how it's "generations". Asperger's/high functioning has only existed since the mid 90's as a diagnostic label. Before that it was failing everyone. I'm part of the the only generation it could have failed so far, which it did I didn't get a diagnosis till age 18. People regardless of gender were getting mental health treatment for level 2 and 3 ASD before the 90's.

This article also seems to severely fail to understand how the supposed "male" brain works:

"Dr Mandy points out the “very high standard” of social interaction involved in female peer groups. Unlike boys, young girls’ friendships tend to be formed around “shared interests” and a heightened desire to fit in, hence the increased appetite to “be normal”. As Dr Mandy puts it, “you can’t get away with just kicking a football around at break time”."

Have you ever been around a pack of young boys when there's no authority figure around? You're expected to be highly social, people who don't talk get called "ret*d", "gay", and a lot of other nasty things, with the added bonus of possible physical violence. All my childhood friendships were centered on "shared interests" and a heightened desire to fit in. I never made friends by just kicking a football around.

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I'm not making any statements about how men have it worse than women. Women are under diagnosised. This article isn't a very good one though. It's reinforcing gender stereotypes from the 70's.

Last edited by Feyokien on 03 Mar 2016, 12:52 pm, edited 2 times in total.

You're really not that socially isolated. You do get out and go to cultural events, you have pub nights with old friends, you go on outings with support workers, and once in a while get together with your family. I am certain there are female aspies on this board who have far less, and less constructive, social contact than you.

Or are you really complaining you can't get a date? If so, say what you mean.

My daughter suffers quite a bit. She did sort of mask in middle and high school, though looking back the signs were there, but as college went by, she more and more shut down. I'm thrilled that she now has her own apartment, a nice boyfriend (thanks to reaching out to him), a church group she likes, and sometimes has time for me. But she is a long way from being able to hold even a part-time job.

I can see how someone might think it's easier for women since traditionally they have a passive role in getting dates: man asks woman out, woman accepts. However, the reality is more complicated. Men may ask an autistic woman out, but a relationship does not form once he finds out how different she is, or a pathological, abusive relationship forms. When I was dating, I could pick up guys, but they either were only interested in sex but no relationship, or were abusive, or both.

Also, this doesn't address the larger issue, that even 25 years after Asperger's Syndrome was added to the DSM, women continue to get misdiagnosed, and girl children are diagnosed years after boy children. I'm not saying that autistic men are less challenged by their symptoms or have it any easier in society, but you can't get help if you don't get diagnosed. They are only just starting to study autism in women, and are discovering that the symptoms are different.

This is a new trend in medicine, in which researchers are discovering that the old practice of doing medical research studies only on men was causing doctors to misdiagnose illnesses in women or give them medication that reacted differently in women. Recent studies of female heart attack patients found that the symptoms of heart attack are different in women. Women have fewer heart attacks (because estrogen has some protective qualities against it) but were being diagnosed less when they went to the emergency room.

This has been my experience too.

I'm female, probably autistic though I've never been able to get a diagnosis, and I think I'm just as isolated as you. I've only had one relationship in my life, and I'm 58. I have no real friends, and have got so used to being alone that I really don't mind it any more. I was never that great-looking, even when I was young and thin, so men didn't often notice me, and I was too socially anxious and awkward to reach out to anyone that I might have been attracted to, as women who aren't as physically attractive sometimes have to do.

I do have a job, but really don't have friends there and struggle to fit in whenever there's a work socializing event. In every job I've ever had, there have been people going to lunch together or eating lunch in the lunchroom together by arrangement--I'm rarely included. There have been a few instances where I've made friends, but if the person leaves the company we don't keep up. I blame myself for this, not the other person.