Devil Kisses...your post brings up an important aspect in the development of atypical children. Once they are labeled and categorized, the main thrust of their education in most schools seems to focus on ways to make them become more 'normal' - often at the expense of any positive traits that their autism endows. The restrictions on peculiar but relatively harmless interests and behaviors that are deemed inappropriate, the forced eye contact and other socialization 'skills' practice and the lack of freedom that you cite are all reasons that I am incredibly grateful that when I was a child there was no HFA or Asperger's dx. The lack of sensitivity displayed by a poorly educated school staff when it becomes known that a child has a dx can be appalling and as much a crippling burden to the child as their inborn struggle to develop and communicate.
I was definitely a difficult and exasperating child, but I was allowed to go my own way enough of the time - and it helped! I screwed up a lot socially, but I learned from my mistakes...I was fortunate to come from an lovingly eccentric and 'different' family and had great advice from my father ( I'm certain that he was on the spectrum). I had to learn to forge my own emotional armor and develop the necessary survival skills - and while the bullying was awful and the humiliation ran deep, I can say without a doubt that not being diagnosed was fine for me. I cringe to think of the 'treatment' I would have endured had I been diagnosed. I've seen kids who are HFA or Aspies being almost tortured by the system's clumsy attempts to 'help' them...and parents who regretted ever letting their children be diagnosed at all.
I'm not talking about kids who are hurting themselves physically, or in a painful meltdown state most of the time, are totally non-verbal or 'lost',and who struggle deeply to communicate. I'm not referring to the timely dx of kids who really need assistance. I'm talking about the proliferation of diagnosing milder AS forms as a disorder, and this being used to boost a schools rating for $$$ and resources. All these burgeoning offers of 'help', whilst simultaneously upping a lockstep fascist approach to a test results driven education is destructive to our society as a whole. I've seen schools loudly proclaim a zero tolerance for bullying while they bully and prod an independently creative and odd spectrumite child into conforming with an externally driven agenda. Not every Aspie or HFA needs an IEP. Sometimes they just need a little advice, compassion, understanding and respect.
If a school or parent recognizes that a child is seriously different and needs testing for a dx, then the matter should be kept confidential and handled with the utmost care towards helping the child optimize his strengths rather than focusing on eradicating his oddness and insisting on conformity. So,at what age should a kid receive a dx? IMO, as late as possible without imperiling his or her growth and development. Of course, for some severely affected children, this could be pre-school age, while for others it might not be until the middle or even later grades...perhaps not even until adulthood, when he or she takes a test online or in a psych class. I'm considering that counseling and joining fora like WP can help them then gain a measure of self understanding and acceptance.