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Website against Asperger's Syndrome: HeartlessAspergers.com

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Wolfram87
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22 Jan 2017, 1:18 pm

This woman has taken the diagnostic criteria for Seasonal Affective Disorder, replaced the seasonal aspect with being a woman married to an ASD man, and then added a reverse Kafka trap at the end to reinforce her victims I mean "patients" confirmation bias. Then she gave it a poetic and "sexy" name (Cassandra Affective Disorder) and proclaimed herself an expert on the subject. She simply relies on the increased probability of marriages where the husband has ASD being rocky, and offers an easy explanation that lays all the blame on him and absolves the wife.

In short; she's scum.


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jatos
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22 Jan 2017, 1:44 pm

Yes, the only use of sites like this is for aspies like us to have awareness of what a certain section of the population is like, and to be prepared for it!



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22 Jan 2017, 8:04 pm

I still think this site was made by a woman who was hurt by her partner who happened to have AS so instead of making a whole blog about being with her ex and how he hurt her and affected her, she makes a whole website on AS to "warn" others about them and she collects other quotes from partners with aspies and put them on her website.


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25 Jan 2017, 2:23 pm

Standard hateful NT BS


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26 Jan 2017, 10:29 am

rats_and_cats wrote:
Wow. F*** that noise. Not much else to say. I hope no ignorant person takes that site seriously.

Not to sound cliché but:

*Insert Trump/GOP joke here*



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27 Jan 2017, 2:17 am

rowan_nichol wrote:
I smell some silly and rather selfish people behind that website. Perhaps who saw some quiet, low maintenance individual, launched themselves on that individual with a selfish fantasy in tehir heads which was along the lines of "I will be the special one who brings this poor person out of their shell, they will love me for it, make me the centre of their world, they will be able to understand all me needs and fulfill them, they are broken now by I will be the special one who fixes them and makes them whole..."

And then, the same selfish person discovers that what they saw is what they get. The person they launched themselves at is exactly the way they first saw them, self contained content, because it is the way many of us are and can be quite content to be. Maybe out of chivalry we made the efforts to reciprocate the interests and attention when it was first given to us, but that takes extra energy to maintain long term, and actually, being that close to someone means one should be able to drop any pretence, people ought to be able to be with the actual person not any act they put on.

And so this silly person is bitterly disappointed because they did not get their selfish fantasy, they got what it says on the tin.

These women are supposedly adults. Being an adult involves having some understanding of ones own needs and taking responsibility for them. Asking clearly for example.

I don't want to be unkind though. It is much better to make reasonable accommodations to disabilities. NTs have a blind spot and a disability which is that they are often incapable of using language precisely. Then silly ones play up to that, expecting others to fill in the information which they can not or will not put into clear language.

One also has to ask how many of the embittered people on that site were the ones who initiated things, perhaps spotting their Asperger/Autistic partner as someone who was perhaps a little vulnerable, someone perhaps not socially well connected and thus someone they thought would be very likely to respond to whatever initiation was made towards them. I would call that manipulating a vulnerable person.



Totally agree with this. I've experienced it myself in regards to my physical disability- falling out with people who don't like me being myself and not the cool wheelchair guy they saw on TV. I've seen quite a few people over the years who are really immersed in their roles working with disabled persons, but being the most hateful towards those persons with disabilities who don't live up to the fantasy image. I think something similar happens with NTs treating aspies the same way- bringing their expectations into the relationship and acting betrayed when the aspie doesn't live up to the fantasy the NT had.



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30 Jan 2017, 1:23 pm

I just stumbled upon the site myself. It's appalling how someone would create an entire webpage to make from a personal experience an entire generalisation that affects a huge lot of people. The way that the introduction to the site is written already tells what one needs to know about it: "Few dare speak the truth about people with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) (now classified as part of ASD, or “autism spectrum disorder”). When the truth comes out, an enraged and militant mob is mobilized. Their goal is to pummel the truth-tellers into silence." - ergo, this here is the truth, and if you don't agree with it, you're part of that AS conspiracy to keep the rest of us shut; either you agree, or you're the enemy.

As a person who has gone through abuse in a relationship with an NT, having to constantly change myself so that he would like me and accept me, having to stand him telling me how bad of a person I was and how I treated my family and friends badly, believing it until I managed to directly ask both family and friends if it was true (and having them tell me "if it were true, we wouldn't keep being your friends"), being told how I was boring, how I was rude, even how I was not feminine enough, having him constantly treating me as if I were a kid and making me believe I wasn't able to do things on my own, making me ashamed of speaking with a low volume... two years after the relationship ended and I'm still battling with my self-image, covered in emotional scars... as a person who has gone through all that, this site makes me wonder what on earth do these type of NTs want from us. I agree that there will be sh***y people in every possible group, be it a majority or minority one, but the type of vitriol that some NTs can consciously spew to hurt others is beyond me.


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androbot01
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31 Jan 2017, 5:36 am

Tripodologia wrote:
... having to constantly change myself so that he would like me and accept me, having to stand him telling me how bad of a person I was and how I treated my family and friends badly, believing it until I managed to directly ask both family and friends if it was true (and having them tell me "if it were true, we wouldn't keep being your friends"), being told how I was boring, how I was rude, even how I was not feminine enough, having him constantly treating me as if I were a kid and making me believe I wasn't able to do things on my own, making me ashamed of speaking with a low volume... two years after the relationship ended and I'm still battling with my self-image, covered in emotional scars... as a person who has gone through all that, this site makes me wonder what on earth do these type of NTs want from us.

I wonder the same thing.

My Mom has been complaining to me a lot lately. It is hard for me to be angry though as she is letting me stay on her couch until I can get a place of my own, and it's not a big apartment. I have to find a place soon though.
I showed her the Heartless site because I wondered how much she would relate to the sentiments presented on it. She laughed at the title as it was so obviously vitriolic, but then went on to read to me all the headings she thought pertained to me. She believes that "not having empathy" makes me somehow subhuman. I told her that I do have empathy, it is ToM that I struggle with. That although I am sometimes unaware of others' experience, I still care about them. She said that it is the "being unaware" that makes me subhuman.
Well, at least I know where she stands.
I cannot help but feel bad about her comments and her obvious dislike of me. Her negative energy towards me is taking its toll.



Shahunshah
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31 Jan 2017, 5:47 am

androbot01 wrote:
I wonder the same thing.

My Mom has been complaining to me a lot lately. It is hard for me to be angry though as she is letting me stay on her couch until I can get a place of my own, and it's not a big apartment. I have to find a place soon though.
I showed her the Heartless site because I wondered how much she would relate to the sentiments presented on it. She laughed at the title as it was so obviously vitriolic, but then went on to read to me all the headings she thought pertained to me. She believes that "not having empathy" makes me somehow subhuman. I told her that I do have empathy, it is ToM that I struggle with. That although I am sometimes unaware of others' experience, I still care about them. She said that it is the "being unaware" that makes me subhuman.
Well, at least I know where she stands.
I cannot help but feel bad about her comments and her obvious dislike of me. Her negative energy towards me is taking its toll.


Damn that sounds thick. I don't know why you put up with it, ideas like that have got to be eliminated one way or another. The worst thing about that idea is that it makes autistic people see themselves as capable of less when they are able to show empathy and sympathy towards others.



androbot01
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31 Jan 2017, 8:52 am

Shahunshah wrote:
I don't know why you put up with it,

Because I can't afford a place of my own. Lol But I am hoping to change that once I finish my course.
She is constantly, from morning to night, making sure she draws my attention to her every disappointment in me. It's verging on abuse, but it's not forever.



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31 Jan 2017, 1:38 pm

androbot01 wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
I don't know why you put up with it,

Because I can't afford a place of my own. Lol But I am hoping to change that once I finish my course.
She is constantly, from morning to night, making sure she draws my attention to her every disappointment in me. It's verging on abuse, but it's not forever.
I honestly got nothing. You do have empathy, like I am sure you know already. I am kind of impressed in how you handle these situations you seem at least here to be able to shrug them off and accept them. That takes real toughness.



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31 Jan 2017, 1:56 pm

I can think of TWO or THREE current WP members that would fit the description of Heartless Asperger's belligerent, non-sympathetic members. I get into arguments with our members and I'm an aspie, so I can imagine what it must be like for NT's. Unfortunately, those two or three bad eggs taint the water for the rest of us who are trying our best to be civil in this current society.

You know, too bad Heartless Asperger's doesn't allow people to rebut their claims. I looked and found no place to add my two cents. Do I think any of their points are true? Sure, but let's face it - what is the chance that one or two of 50 white guys getting gin-soaked in a Kentucky bar is racist? Pretty high, right? There's some truth, but it's the generalization that's damaging.

The author of the site must've been deeply wronged by one of us, and that's unfortunate. It's not good to take out all his angst on us, though.

I've been on WP for nigh on five years, and there's been some good and bad moments, not to mention a few run-ins with the occasional pricks, but by and large, if this place really sucked balls I would've bounced years ago. The majority of people on this site are worth conversing with; the negative pricks know who they are and are quite aware of their negativity, but they are FAR from the norm. That needs to be said.


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05 Feb 2017, 1:14 pm

Yeah and I could set up a website ManipulativeSelfishCheatingNTs.com and that would be equally stupid :D



Wolfram87
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05 Feb 2017, 3:12 pm

redrobin62 wrote:
I can think of TWO or THREE current WP members that would fit the description of Heartless Asperger's belligerent, non-sympathetic members. I get into arguments with our members and I'm an aspie, so I can imagine what it must be like for NT's. Unfortunately, those two or three bad eggs taint the water for the rest of us who are trying our best to be civil in this current society.

You know, too bad Heartless Asperger's doesn't allow people to rebut their claims. I looked and found no place to add my two cents. Do I think any of their points are true? Sure, but let's face it - what is the chance that one or two of 50 white guys getting gin-soaked in a Kentucky bar is racist? Pretty high, right? There's some truth, but it's the generalization that's damaging.

The author of the site must've been deeply wronged by one of us, and that's unfortunate. It's not good to take out all his angst on us, though.

I've been on WP for nigh on five years, and there's been some good and bad moments, not to mention a few run-ins with the occasional pricks, but by and large, if this place really sucked balls I would've bounced years ago. The majority of people on this site are worth conversing with; the negative pricks know who they are and are quite aware of their negativity, but they are FAR from the norm. That needs to be said.



All very true, but the plural of anecdote is not data. I cant remember how many couples she was "counseling", but I think it's safe to say the number was in no way statistically significant. Add to that that she's riding the coattails of Tony Attwood to lend herself a thin veneer of credibility. I can't recall to what extent they ever worked together, but I'm given to understand she's enhancing the truth quite a bit. Though Attwood has been using some of the Cassandra languae, which serves more to degrade him than to prop her up.


Also, she even says it herself on the website:

Quote:
I had a year-long relationship with a man who did not disclose his diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome. I also had a female friend with the disorder who chose not to tell me. AS cannot be hidden. Their deficits in empathy and communication became painfully apparent. Both relationships were traumatic. Had I known about AS and its effect on others in relationships, I could have avoided becoming involved with them. People with AS should disclose their diagnosis if they are aware of it, and the rest of us should have access to accurate information about the condition and how it affects others. That would enable us to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain.


So, AS can't be hidden, but aspies need to tell people they're aspies, lest they get into long-term relationships without knowing their partner is an aspie? I'm thinking this woman has shut off the thinking part of the brain.

Summa Summarum: "I had two relationships that turned bad, and they both had AS, ergo AS makes relationships bad 100% of the time. I must launch a crusade against AS, because the fact that I'm clearly a terrible person has nothing to do with my relationships turning bad!"


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05 Feb 2017, 3:27 pm

The website name speaks for itself. If she was actually trying to educate people with a balanced and unbiased POV, she would not use the word "Heartless" in the title.


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05 Feb 2017, 4:35 pm

RandomFox wrote:
Yeah and I could set up a website ManipulativeSelfishCheatingNTs.com and that would be equally stupid :D


Yes, and nobody would care about it because NT's are not a minority group. That website, on the other hand is stigmatising because aspies are in the minority.