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lostonearth35
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04 May 2018, 12:07 pm

Well, I am SO sorry I ruined the OP's life. Every time I turn around I do something wrong. And when try to I do what I think is right, it always turns out to be wrong.

:wall:



IstominFan
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05 May 2018, 8:57 am

I agree with you. I love going to social functions and being able to take myself there. I missed out on that for years. I was never formally diagnosed with anything and don't want a diagnosis because of all the stereotypes out there today. I don't want any accommodations, excuses and the like. I want a way to "smarten up," not "dumb down."



IstominFan
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05 May 2018, 9:02 am

I also don't agree with the "let me be who am" thing. I would never have reached my present level of functioning if I thought like that.



Tanker
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05 May 2018, 1:09 pm

in my experience, most people dont actually care. some do. maybe they have family or have autism themselves and want to spread awareness.
that's fine, if you give people the right information. but people dont. they promote outdated ideas, create irritating stereotypes and they put people into boxes.

It took me a long time to even get a glimpse of how all of this neuronal mess works. hours of watching scientific discussions, reading literature, all of that. and i have a rough idea of what might cause it and what it might mean to whoever's affected.

awareness is great, but either keep it limited "hey, autism's a thing. they handle everything a bit different. just be patient" or go into full-on briefing mode, with slides and everything.

but not this "sorta maybe" in-between nonsense i see everywhere. it breads twisted versions of reality and it makes it harder to correct people's perception and thinking on the matter.

so yes, awareness today has gone way too far. it creates all of this fake, empty sympathy from random people, who dont have the first clue as to what they are even talking about.

i dont need your empty sympathy and fake cause, just so that you can say to yourself that you did something to make the world better, when you didnt. you've annoyed people at best...

this is a purely hypothetical "you", naturally.

2 cents. enjoy. i dont have a good ending to this xD



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15 May 2018, 8:54 pm

The problem is that we have a lot of know-it-alls these days unfortunately. Everyone wants to be an authority on something, its like "ok you can sit down now unless you yourself are on the spectrum". One case is only one case and every case is different.



MalchikBrodyaga
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15 May 2018, 9:22 pm

green0star wrote:
its like "ok you can sit down now unless you yourself are on the spectrum"


What are you referring to?



giveen
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16 May 2018, 5:10 pm

MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
green0star wrote:
its like "ok you can sit down now unless you yourself are on the spectrum"


What are you referring to?

I'm assuming its a reference to "You can't talk or be an authority, unless you are on the spectrum"



MalchikBrodyaga
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16 May 2018, 5:22 pm

giveen wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
green0star wrote:
its like "ok you can sit down now unless you yourself are on the spectrum"


What are you referring to?

I'm assuming its a reference to "You can't talk or be an authority, unless you are on the spectrum"


Still confused. Are you saying people on the authority are aspies? I thought the situation is the opposite that aspies are being discriminated against and, therefore, don't have any chance of becoming authority figures. Or am I still misunderstanding?



giveen
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17 May 2018, 4:49 pm

MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
giveen wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
green0star wrote:
its like "ok you can sit down now unless you yourself are on the spectrum"


What are you referring to?

I'm assuming its a reference to "You can't talk or be an authority, unless you are on the spectrum"


Still confused. Are you saying people on the authority are aspies? I thought the situation is the opposite that aspies are being discriminated against and, therefore, don't have any chance of becoming authority figures. Or am I still misunderstanding?

I think it means "The Only Authority on Autism is those who are on the spectrum" or I'm completely mis-reading everything.



MalchikBrodyaga
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17 May 2018, 5:32 pm

giveen wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
giveen wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
green0star wrote:
its like "ok you can sit down now unless you yourself are on the spectrum"


What are you referring to?

I'm assuming its a reference to "You can't talk or be an authority, unless you are on the spectrum"


Still confused. Are you saying people on the authority are aspies? I thought the situation is the opposite that aspies are being discriminated against and, therefore, don't have any chance of becoming authority figures. Or am I still misunderstanding?

I think it means "The Only Authority on Autism is those who are on the spectrum" or I'm completely mis-reading everything.


Well, not all NT-s push their opinion, some just make their assumptions quietly without saying a word. And that is a lot worse in fact because I don't have a chance to correct those misconceptions if they aren't going to bring it up. I would much rather they DID bring up their assumptions so that I could refute them. But they don't do it, so I have no other option but to come to this board and make those posts.

It sounds like you guys are too tired to be preached at. Well I come from a totally different perspective: I am too tired of being ostracized. I would much rather they preach at me than ostracize me. But when I tell them "please tell me exactly what you want me to do so that I don't have to be ostracized" their response is "why do you care whether you are ostracized or not, just be yourself". And that goes back to the autism awarenness: this whole "be yourself" business is exactly what autistics were asking for (and not getting) back in the 1990-s; but then in 2000 autistics finally got what they were asking for a decade ago ("just be yourself", "autism awarenness", etc) the only problem is that I never asked for it, THEY did, yet I have to pay a price.



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17 May 2018, 5:53 pm

MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
giveen wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
giveen wrote:
MalchikBrodyaga wrote:
green0star wrote:
its like "ok you can sit down now unless you yourself are on the spectrum"


What are you referring to?

I'm assuming its a reference to "You can't talk or be an authority, unless you are on the spectrum"


Still confused. Are you saying people on the authority are aspies? I thought the situation is the opposite that aspies are being discriminated against and, therefore, don't have any chance of becoming authority figures. Or am I still misunderstanding?

I think it means "The Only Authority on Autism is those who are on the spectrum" or I'm completely mis-reading everything.


Well, not all NT-s push their opinion, some just make their assumptions quietly without saying a word. And that is a lot worse in fact because I don't have a chance to correct those misconceptions if they aren't going to bring it up. I would much rather they DID bring up their assumptions so that I could refute them. But they don't do it, so I have no other option but to come to this board and make those posts.

It sounds like you guys are too tired to be preached at. Well I come from a totally different perspective: I am too tired of being ostracized. I would much rather they preach at me than ostracize me. But when I tell them "please tell me exactly what you want me to do so that I don't have to be ostracized" their response is "why do you care whether you are ostracized or not, just be yourself". And that goes back to the autism awarenness: this whole "be yourself" business is exactly what autistics were asking for (and not getting) back in the 1990-s; but then in 2000 autistics finally got what they were asking for a decade ago ("just be yourself", "autism awarenness", etc) the only problem is that I never asked for it, THEY did, yet I have to pay a price.


Well that seems like you're just blaming all your problems on other people. You don't have to tell people you have autism, you can even try to mimic more NT behavior if that is your thing. Also if the topic comes up you can explain things...like with your exes you could have told them you'd like to be more included in social activities if they were assuming you didn't.


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MalchikBrodyaga
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17 May 2018, 9:22 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Well that seems like you're just blaming all your problems on other people. You don't have to tell people you have autism, you can even try to mimic more NT behavior if that is your thing.

In my case my social awkwardness is far too plain to hide, and people don't react to it well, even if I don't tell them I have Asperger. Indeed, I even remember few times when people asked me if I have Asperger.

On the other hand, back in the 1990s when I were to tell people I had Asperger they would say they don't think I have it, even though I was more awkward back then not less. So the fact that they are more willing to label me now as aspie (regardless of whether I mention it or not) is squarely due to autism awareness. And sometimes I wonder if that has something to do with the fact that they were willing to include me more in the 1990s than they are today.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also if the topic comes up you can explain things...like with your exes you could have told them you'd like to be more included in social activities if they were assuming you didn't.


The problem is that "telling them I want to be more social" doesn't seem to work because they have their own theories that they trust better than my words. Case in point: I told my first ex I wanted to be more social, but she still didn't include me. I also told her repeatedly that noises don't bother me, but she still kept asking me if they do. Also there was a different girl who refused to date me because my mom shelters me so presumably I want to be sheltered and she wants to date someone more independant. I told her I don't want to be sheltered, in fact I am angry at my mom for sheltering me, but that didn't work. Also a professor refused to work with me because he decided that I am not interested in doing what he is doing since I was going on and on about my interest, and when I told him that yes I am interested in what he is doing that didn't work either.

Now, its not the same as preaching: they aren't preaching at me, in fact they would back off the minute I want to argue. They would say "oh yes we believe you, it is just (insert some other unrelated reason)" But actions speak louder than words. The fact of a matter is that their actions wouldn't change when I correct their misperceptions which shows they don't really believe me. They trust what they read about Asperger over my words.