Harassed by Teacher During Meltdown - READ

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I should probably mention that he was semi-aware of what I was like before the first quarter was over.

You see, when my parents got the diagnosis, they got right on getting me a 504 plan. I would've gotten an IEP, but I wanted to keep taking high-level (read: IB and AP) classes and not be labeled as "special ed." Anyway, they had a conference with every one of my teachers at the same time, where they spelled out what they needed to know and do. Not only that, but they sent a well-written and detailed memo about what I'm like. And one of the things emphasized was how sensitive I am and about my meltdowns.

Thanks for the kind words and advice, everyone! Keep it coming, 'cause I'll need it.


@ velodog - I'll keep that in mind. Wouldn't want to create scorn with the rest of the faculty.

My suggesting backing away from a scorched earth reprisal policy is a "Do as I say, not as I do" in a manner since I have hurt people and careers in the past. There may have been some satisfaction on my part, but my funny stories about getting fired usually came with a cost. Your clarification about the meeting before the end of the first quarter does make it even more clear that Mr. Crawford probably could have been more diplomatic in his approach. Aspergers is fairly subtle on the scale of PDD's which is usually good since we can do so many things that others with disoreders/ disability scale may not be able to do. That's also why it may be hard for others to figure us out. Combine that with an abrasive personality on top of a "God died and left me in charge of this Classroom" attitude and s**ts on. You and other Teens are the first generation of Aspies that are going through as Aspies and how you conduct yourselves will affect subsequent generations. That's why a Pyrrhic Victory is unsat. For the benefit of those of us who have been out of school forever please elaborate on 504 and IEP. Good luck in finding a satisfactory resolution.

those things that teach said...about pressing the button....even saying that to an NT...just sounds kinda stupid on his part.

This is going to be harsh, but I'm blunt and realistic.

To be completely honest, I don't see much of a problem with what he did. He wasn't sensitive with his language, but that isn't a horrible offense.

I've been in classes where some other aspie or NT has had a meltdown. With the exception of one, who was more just starting than actually all the way there, they were incredibly distracting. Especially if I was taking a test. The rest of us pretend not to notice, because it's awkward, but trust me, we do. You didn't say what practice test the others were taking, but I'll guess that it was the practice AP test; it's that time of the year, and considering that was the class you were in... Anyway, AP tests require a ton and a half of concentration, so if you're crying, you're probably distracting someone.

He tried handling the situation diplomatically at first, by offering to allow you to leave to get some help. You declined. You should haveremoved yourself at that point.

A disorder does not mean a free ride to do whatever you want. You say you don't want to go to a special school, and that's fine. But as such, you need to realize that you're not the only one in the room, and the teacher cannot revolve around you. The majority of the class is the first consideration. The majority of the class would probably appreciate passing the test and being able to use their practice to the best of their advantage. That's a fact, not a guilt trip.

Thus, it was not selfish for him to ask you to leave, nor was it unreasonable for him to remove the class after you refused. Undoubtedly, forcing the class to move would be more disruptive to them than having you leave, so calling security was also justified.

Quite frankly, I know you were having a meltdown, but your reactions sound closer to a temper tantrum. Like I said, having AS does not give you priority over the rest of the class, and it's not an adequate excuse for staying back when you could have left.

You talk about adjusting to life after high school, but you're not going to be comforted after high school for having a meltdown, unless you find an incredibly understanding boss (and that's not all that likely). If you expect to have allowances made for you because of it, you're in for a sore surprise.

I know, given our lack of empathy and whatnot, that quite a few aspies think of only themselves before, during, and after meltdowns; you're not an exception. However, you weren't the only one there. What your teacher did was help his other students. He wasn't "harassing" you; he was thinking of the rest of the students. Obviously, he did try to help at first, when he offered to let you leave; you refused however, and that it is your fault.

It doesn't disgust and infuriate me. Actually, I see it as kind of boring; switch a few words and you have a complaint used over and over again.

Ask milgo, emily and ashley if you please can eat lunch with them instead of the people who abandoned you Don't bring up what happened unless they do. Its ok to not say anything the entire lunch (although you may try mirroring expressions: )

Ask for a different counselor, if you don't have one already.

Now, I have to agree with what some people have been saying about taking the high road, that you need to adjust etc. The teacher was acting like a child though, IMO.

However....

If that... teacher ...continues to harass you (outside of class) or if you hear any students say something like...mr. (crawford?) said such and such about that incident, I would press charges/lawsuit. What happened has happened. But he doesn't need to be seeking revenge by talking to other students about it or you, nor do any of the teachers need to start acting up outside of class, because they agree with him. On the same note, don't start griping and whining at school about the incident, or the teacher.

They are adults, and they need to act like it.

You need to show them that you can act maturely about a situation like this.

And I have to say, you need to get used to situations where you will be stressed, and you can't just start crying and stimming. The world isn't made like that, and that is something you'll have to get accustomed to eventually. Hopefully, it will be while you're at school, and not in a place like at your chosen profession, where you could be fired for something like that and you have bills to pay.

I'm so sorry this had to happen to you, and I'm sorry if you don't feel like you're getting the support you need from us here. But in this situation, it would be much, much better for you if you took the high road. If the teachers start griping and whining, it'll be against them, not you. You'll end up look like the victim (and if that happens, they'll be in trouble for talking about it etc.)

No, he shouldn't have treated you like that, he should have read the reports etc.

But you need to act like "the better person".

If the stress balls or whatever you use don't work, then... And this may sound extremely harsh, but try sucking it up about your meltdowns and annoyances until after school. Then you can de-stress/decompress afterwards. Talk to your parents and let them know that if you decide to do that, then make sure they know that you need time alone afterward (And you probably do anyways because...its a school with people )That may not work for everyone...but like I said before, you'd be much much better off (if you don't take it too far>) figuring this stuff out during school, and not at your profession.

Sorry that this happened. It sounds quite frustrating.

However...
Like a few others have noted, you really should have took that chance to leave the classroom. I would argue it would have gotten you out of there so could cool down better. You couldn't have gone to the counselor right away and used the restroom to calm down beforehand.
Was the anxiety of staying worth it over the anxiety of getting up and leaving the class? I'd say the answer is obvious.

I encourage you to look back on this and think diplomatically about this. You keep keep saying "he" should have done this, "he" should have done that. It's a fact of life you will never control what other people can do and they won't always do what you expect. You should think about what "you" could have done to make the situation better. Only from that can you learn to avoid repeating this situation again.

I have to agree with the teacher. Yes, near the end he was beginning to panic and over-react, but I'd probably do the same in that situation.

It doesn't matter if you are in pain, it doesn't matter if you have a disability, in my opinion you were being selfish. You were saying that your need to act out was more important then all the other students' need to learn and do well on the test. If you were being asked if you were alright, then you clearly were being noticed. Seeing someone in pain is increadibly distracting and distressing, and people will try to pretend to ignore it the best they can, out of respect and a desire to not antagonize further.

In the long run, what the teacher did was, IMO, a service to you. This IS how people will treat you when you enter the work force. Unless you are an increadible genius, on the level of Mozart or Einstein, people simply won't put up with helpless meltdowns. If you cannot control your behavior, then you will not be able to hold down a job. If you are truly sincere in your desire to complete your schooling in the normal curiculum, then you must control your behaviour, or leave the class when you cannot.

If the teacher is truly intolerable, deal with him outside of class. If you wish to have both accomodation and respect, you must also accomodate others to the best of your ability. I have never had a teacher who wasn't willing to bend over backwards to help me if I was able to meet them halfway. Respect others, and they will respect you back.

I admit, this teacher may be the very rare douchebag. I actually sort of doubt this, as he did try to negotiate with you. But if he is, start bringing a tape recorder to class, put it on your desk in an obvious way, and leave it on. If he complains, say that you want to be sure that, in case you have another melt-down and have to leave class, you want to be sure to at least be able to listen to the lesson later. If he is being a bully, you can play the recording to others and show that he really isn't being accomadating enough. This will either prevent further bullying, or will get him repremanded if he does persist.

I know that the tape recorder thing isn't useful right now, since you are no longer in his class; but if you were ever to find yourself in the same situation, it's something you could do to protect yourself, WITHOUT disrupting everyone else. Regardless of how bad he was, staying in class was the wrong thing to do IMO.

I'm not even in his class anymore.

I understand that it could have been avoided if I had left the class, but that does NOT excuse what he did. He yelled at me and demeaned me, and that's inexcusable. Especially seeing as he knew about my triggers. It's not a service, it's essentially bullying.

Yeah, I was over-reacting a bit. Sorry.

I've been in very much the same situation, to tell the truth, though the end result was different. It's not fair for me to judge you like I did, and I apologize.

I do feel very strongly that it's important to not use my disability as an excuse, and that when I can't control myself I need to leave. Taking responsiblity for my difficulties in this way has been a very positive experience. It's also all but essential for holding down a job.

But that's very easy to say from a distance, when I'm not the one suffering. I can't say that I've never gotten overwhelmed, or been depressed. Being high and mighty isn't helpful, and I was wrong to do so.

I hope things go better with the new teacher!

How else was the teacher supposed to handle the situation?

I can remember in high school, whenever I got upset, I get taken back to the resource room. I used to think it was a punishment but I found out it was no punishment. It was a safe spot for me to calm down so I won't be disruptive to the whole class. Are you guys going to tell me what my school did was wrong too?

I was never embarrassed for that.

back in elementary school (a catholic school mind you)... during lunch, they would lock me in an extra class room used for storage.

Now that I read it in more detail, I can udnerstand why a scorched earth plicy is useful given apparently MOST SIDED WITH HIM!

Send in the ACLU if this doesn't get fixed. Exterminatus, Base Delta Zero, whatever you call it kill it with fire (I mean that in a figurative term)