Sweetleaf wrote:
cave_canem wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
I spent my entire childhood waiting for it to 'get better' and I've kind of stopped waiting, things can be alright sometimes but I don't think its going to improve that terribly much. And its actually not good for me to force myself into social situations that make me uncomfortable......because I get too stressed, there are some social situations that are fine but working in an office would not be one of them. and I said I was labeled that way I did not say much about how I feel about it........I kind of feel like if someone considers me crap for not being a sucess by societies standards they can f*ck off.
You are only 21. Things did not get better for me until I was 25.
And please... You are not the only one who gets stressed in social situations. You are talking to a bunch of people with AS. I don't think you'll find a more understanding group of people on the 'net. For example, I myself used to throw up before going to work. I used to get very anxious before I had to attend a meeting, to the point of being unable to sleep the night before and being physically ill the day of. I forced myself to deal with the stress and anxiety because, quite frankly, there is no other way around it unless I wanted to quit my job. Which was not an option.
Finally, you clearly care that people have labelled you as being "crap" because of where you grew up. Wanting to tell people to f*ck off is a defense mechanism - and a poor one at that.
You are making excuses because you clearly just want to b!tch about your life. So yes - with your attitude you will never succeed. For your own sake, I hope that your attitude changes, because from what you've posted here so far, it seems to me you do want to succeed
by your own standards (which seem to be: get an education, get a job, pay off student loans, move into a decent neighbourhood).
Did I say I was the only one who gets stressed in social situations? no and nor do I believe that. And the trouble with the stress is it makes it even harder for me to control my akwardness which=getting treated like the idiot and I simply cannot handle knowing I am the one everyone is lauging at in the back room without being virtually unable to function. I will have to try and find some sort of job that has a somewhat comfortable environment.....if that is impossible then I guess I am screwed. but that's life. And most decent neiborhood I know of are full of stuck up people who I would rather avoid living around.
Why Don't You/Yes ButThe first such game theorized was Why don't you/Yes, but in which one player (White) would pose a problem as if seeking help, and the other player(s) (Black) would offer solutions (the "Why don't you?" suggestion). This game was noticed as many patients played it in therapy and psychiatry sessions, and inspired Berne to identify other interpersonal "games".
White would point out a flaw in every Black player's solution (the "Yes, but" response), until they all gave up in frustration. For example, if someone's life script was "to be hurt many times, and suffer and make others feel bad when I die" a game of "Why Don't You, Yes But" might proceed as follows:
White: I wish I could lose some weight.
Black: Why don't you join a gym?
White: Yes but, I can't afford the payments for a gym.
Black: Why don't you speed walk around your block after you get home from work?
White: Yes but, I don't dare walk alone in my neighborhood after dark.
Black: Why don't you take the stairs at work instead of the elevator?
White: Yes but, after my knee surgery, it hurts too much to walk that many flights of stairs.
Black: Why don't you change your diet?
White: Yes but, my stomach is sensitive and I can tolerate only certain foods.
"Why Don't You, Yes But" can proceed indefinitely, with any number of players in the Black role, until Black's imagination is exhausted, and she can think of no other solutions. At this point, White "wins" by having stumped Black. After a silent pause following Black's final suggestion, the game is often brought to a formal end by a third role, Green, who makes a comment such as, "It just goes to show how difficult it is to lose weight."
The secondary gain for White was that he could claim to have justified his problem as insoluble and thus avoid the hard work of internal change; and for Black, to either feel the frustrated martyr ("I was only trying to help") or a superior being, disrespected ("the patient was uncooperative").
Superficially, this game can resemble Adult to Adult interaction (people seeking information or advice), but more often, according to Berne, the game is played by White's helpless Child, and Black's lecturing Parent ego states.
25 Jun 2011, 9:51 pm
