Again the parents are seen as victims.

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Ganondox
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07 Jan 2015, 3:58 am

timtowdi wrote:

So...let me get this straight. The only ones deserving of compassion are the kids, and the parents, who work much harder than most other parents to care for and help their autistic kids (and also do whatever they have to do to pay for therapies, someone to stay home with the kids for whom school is a nightmare and homeschool, etc.), worry about and plan for how their autistic children will get by after the parents die...none of that's deserving of compassion, because you find it insulting that doing these things isn't easy for them?

It's not possible that both the kids and the parents deserve compassion?

Second this.

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SadButRad
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09 Jan 2015, 4:53 pm

Sometimes i wonder if being born with ASD is protection from having a sh***y parent with a mood problem.

There was actually a done study that suggested the rate of having mood disorders in the family came hand in hand with asd.

I mean, a natural tendency to be comfortable being alone can be very beneficial to a child with an emotionally unavailable or vindictive parent.

It's not until I was alot older that I realized my parent's were complete narcissists. I always blamed myself for their abusive actions, and it became apparent to me that this self-blame was a manipulation tool they used to get me to do all sorts of life gymnastics for them.

Violetvee
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09 Jan 2015, 10:08 pm

Sure parents are affected by having one of their children on the autism spectrum, whether it's autism or Asperger's, but honestly it'd only be a real problem for them if they make it one. My parents had to do some things differently for me than my sisters because of my Asperger's (which we didn't realize I even had until well into my teenage years) and it didn't really affect them too much. What may not have helped was my severe ADHD, which is a whole 'nother issue. Just because a child has Autism doesn't mean a family can't go on vacations or anything, they just have to be careful to make proper arrangements for the child while on vacation. And honestly it'd be harder if they go on a trip with a relative that they don't really see often and as such really has no idea how to deal with the child in an unfamiliar area. I learned this when I went to Atlanta with my aunt.

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alisoncc
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11 Jan 2015, 9:33 am

Quote:

Again the parents are seen as victims

Of course they are victims. Why do you think all taxpayer-funded support organisations sole interest is in supporting the parents of Autistic children. Because the parents are doing it tough (sarcasm). Most only pay lip-service to those individuals who actually have ASD.

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Awilder
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11 Jan 2015, 4:48 pm

I'll say it like this it's wrong to somehow make someone feel bad since one's daughter or son was born autistic.. In my workplace there are many clients whom have a myriad of difficulties however, the parents of such do not treat them as if they were lepers or an abomination of humanity.No, rather the parents are quite caring & loving despite what their loved one's deal with in a sincere & kindhearted manner..

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Moromillas
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11 Jan 2015, 6:16 pm

Quote:

The parents are the victims.

If governments suddenly stopped providing education, just inexplicably stopped, the parents are not the victims, even if they do take it upon themselves to pick up the slack.

What it is, is shifting the issues and making the talking points about someone else's problems. I can't rate that very highly.

cyberdad
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18 Jan 2015, 11:47 pm

As parents of autistic kids many of us perhaps feel a little trapped, a little frustrated...so we rant a little bit when the opportunity arises...

However, what perhaps the Jenny Mcarthys of the world need to do is focus on their own children's issues rather than externalising their frustrations on the general autistic community. Having said that I've met some remarkable parents of severely autistic kids who have nothing but my admiration for the work they do with their own children and others.

SwissPagan
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18 Jan 2015, 11:51 pm

pj4990 wrote:

I think "But I wonder if you know what it's like to be me. I wonder if you have given any thought to what it is like to parent these children you work with every day." is the sentence which annoyed me most. She doesn't once mention wondering what it's like being the child. This drives me up the wall that being the parent of a disabled child (I think it does extend to other disabilities) is seen as a first hand experience, but the father of a daughter isn't first hand experience of being female, the white parent of a mixed race child doesn't have first hand experience of being mixed race, so why do people think disabled people's experiences aren't valid, only those of their parents?

Rather reassuringly, wherever this attitude is coming from, it doesn't seem to be the general public. I find people are far more interested in first hand experience than second hand from parents, they just don't get presented it as often.

yeah... some of us already have suicidal thoughts... I did growing up... and still do... According to Simon Baron-cohen, Aspies are particularly at risk for that...

Although, sometimes I worry that is just natural selection finding its way into post-industrial society...

cyberdad
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19 Jan 2015, 12:02 am

timtowdi wrote:

So...let me get this straight. The only ones deserving of compassion are the kids, and the parents, who work much harder than most other parents to care for and help their autistic kids (and also do whatever they have to do to pay for therapies, someone to stay home with the kids for whom school is a nightmare and homeschool, etc.), worry about and plan for how their autistic children will get by after the parents die...none of that's deserving of compassion, because you find it insulting that doing these things isn't easy for them?It's not possible that both the kids and the parents deserve compassion?

In my experience it's my extended family who don't really give a toss about my family and our struggles. Therefore I don't expect the wider NT community to make allowances. Least of all I make no demands on the autistic community whom everybody (parents and children) are deserving of compassion.

It's all relative. My rather selfish milionaire sister thinks her world is crumbling because she can't attend every major social event on her calendar because her overachieving son (my nephew) missed out on being elected as school captain in their elitist private school. Everybody in her social circle rushes over with compassion to make her feel better. Poor thing. She thinks she is a terrible parent.

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