Giving a presentation about Asperger's to professionals

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I'm not sure if this is the correct sub-forum to place this, but here goes.

I was recently diagnosed with AS on May 24, 2010 after living with it for 26 years. Apparently my story was considered unique and seems to have piqued the interest of a fairly large local psychology facility. My therapist today had a meeting with the doctors who worked on my case and reviewed my history. She informed me that they would like to gather all of the staff for an in service meeting of sorts and hear about my insights and experience with the syndrome. I have a fairly intense fear of public speaking and large groups in general, but I did agree to do it and should receive the details of what to expect this coming Monday. I have been doing personal research for the past month in the form of books and medical journals, but I still don't believe that I fully understand enough to teach people with an actual psych education (I've only taken a general psych class years ago in college ). This kind of came as a bit of a surprise that people consider my life somehow educational or intriguing.

My question is; is this common? Do doctors ask patients to educate and share their stories with their full staff often? Not considering the fact that I've only been introduced to AS a little over a month ago, this seems like an odd request.

Thanks for any advice.

Why is your case considered unique?

I have presented to A.B.A. classes and autism seminars. I usually give a speech something like http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt70539.html.

I don't really know; I think it has more to do with a general lack of experience with AS by some of the staff though. My therapist said something along the lines that I'm "innocently charming and charismatic" for an aspie, so it could be that they are trying to find a local spokesman who could put a likable face on display to help people who have little experience with AS?

I'd say I'm fairly high functioning and maintain a veneer of normality in public, but I tend to use an odd sort of logic to understand all social situations which the psychologist said was 'fascinating'? I also have had a fairly lengthy history with various mental issues and had basically been diagnosed with AS at 17, but the psych focused in on schizoid personality disorder rather than AS (partially my fault; I thought I didn't like people while in school because of bullying). I have a few other things that were considered odd; complex thought consolidation of events of the current and next day each night along with having an odd ability to focus intensely even with fairly sever ADHD. My therapist also said my knack for art and writing was one of my strongest points.

Personally after reading about a lot of others here, I don't think my case is special in any real significant way though. I'm at a loss still how I should react to this.

Thank you so much!

You don't mind if I perhaps use this as a baseline for part of my presentation do you? I won't plagiarize anything, but that is a really well done speech and certainly gives me a great starting point on what topics to hit.

You are quite welcome. You are certainly welcome to use what you need.

For some reason they tend to have the impression that we must all be shy, introverted, and stutter horribly.

I can be quite "outgoing" myself. That doesn't mean I have more than a vague idea of whether or not I'm making a fool out of myself though. Rather, I figure, if I'm not particularly mortified by whatever it is I'm doing or saying, or have no way of knowing that I should be, and if the other person is mortified for me because they'd be particularly mortified to do as I do, or say as I say, then what do I care? Because I can't know, and their insecurities are their own problem.

So hello world.

The problem is that I am shy, introverted (from failing socially so much and finally having a basic awareness of that I'd assume) and when I get under pressure in a group environment I do stutter and have long pauses between thinking!

I just really hope I can focus in on the subject of the presentation and be able to zone out distractions; there is of course the fear of being a non stop talking and rambling mess, but that can't be worse than freezing up every few seconds. I tend to either be fanatically and excitedly speaking or almost completely shut down when there is too much external stimulus to take in. I've been really trying to be more self aware of that and be more introspective with thoughts while pacing myself in conversation; of course this usually fails for the most part, but I think it is a little bit better now.

You say that you can't know what people actually think of you and I totally understand. The difference is that I've developed my own very primitive, by NT standards, personal system of judgment from just logic. I've spent the majority of my life watching actions and reactions between NT and NT and using those as the basis for scripts on how I approach social situations. I'd go over the scripts I could adapt from that day and go over all of the different actions and reactions in my head that would be predictable. I'd then go over the next day in my head and see which scripts I would likely have to use throughout the day and reenact them in my head repetitively to make it come more natural when I attempted them in public. The feeling of deja vu is something I've come to feel quite often throughout the day. While this sounds like I can handle some social things okay, it really just means that if I don't have a script I am lost (which leads to me trying to just 'wing' it with whatever comes into my head first; this almost always the wrong thing!)

I gave up a long time ago of trying to read body language and faces for how people feel when talking to me, instead I try to analyze what the logic is behind their questions or statements are and rationalize where they must be coming from (if I am not so stressed and anxious that I don't have the mental capacity to do that at the time). Again the problem is not everyone is rational or logical and thus my judgments are often irrelevant or quite off the mark. Understanding a concept like malice out of boredom or random acts of compassion is impossible for me, because they never make sense in the context from a logical perspective.

I wish sometimes that I could just stop worrying about what others think and just be myself, but it's become such a part of me to do this that it's probably going to take years of work to reverse whatever damage it's done.

I'm sorry but I find this request odd and insensitive to you.

Odd, since you've only found out you have autism a month ago. Insensitive for the same reason.

If you feel that you can do it without undue stress, I hope that it's an empowering process for you and enlightening for the group.

However, I just can't get over the fact that your need to digest and process this information, the diagnosis, and get more comfortable with the identity, is less important to this psychologist than learning from your "charming" personality.

The fact that you're having to cram for the in-service speaks for itself. Shouldn't they get someone like William Stillman or Tony Attwood to teach them about the condition rather than a newly diagnosed person who hasn't dedicated her life to teaching the world about AS?

Weird.

Ok, I went back and reread your last post, which I skipped before I responded.

I suspect that they are interested in your coping skills to teach yourself how to interact more than anything else.

I still find it insensitive though.

Remember, you don't have to do it if you don't want to. It's up to you what you want to share with other people. It was a request and you have the right to turn it down. If you feel like you'd like to do it, go for it.

It seems to me that any psychologist worth a salt should understand that you might not be ready for such a presentation, regardless of their good intentions.

Good luck!

Hmm, if its going to over-stim you id say don't do it, your not alone in "scripting" or even using complex logic to determine NT interaction, as medical professionals they're meant to follow a basic creed of "do no harm", this request seems a tiny bit contrary to this, people with AS having their own voice is a good thing but still, if its going to worry you into harm, just don't go there. if you do decide to do it, good luck and all power to you, just remember, you should be allowed to leave at any time, this is voluntary, not an obligation.

Wall of text incoming I think, I apologize for the lengthy replies.

I was kind of hoping that it would be a little bit empowering as well and feel like I can contribute something positive to a group that may appreciate me. It also feels like the environment would be much more supportive than a group of only strangers. I personally still feel like my own personal grasp on AS is not yet completely matured as well, but it may be enough to educate those who do not have much experience with AS. I've begun to start embracing this identity and in my mind at the time it sounded like a chance to finally let myself fully embrace it.

I love Tony Attwood's books; his complete guide and his guide for parents and professionals I have read through twice already and could probably recite the key points of them to anyone. I don't think that this presentation was meant to be a major in-service, but more a casual staff get together to learn about something they could find interesting after thinking about it. I have been dedicating myself to reading 2-12 hours a day on everything regarding AS I can find to try to gain a more complete understanding though; I think that was part of the reason they wanted me to present my findings to their group.

I still do find it odd and that lack of definitive detail on what they actually expect and how the in service is going to be setup has caused me quite a bit more stress than I'd have thought. Hopefully on Monday I can get the specific details and plan accordingly.

Thanks for the concern though!



One of the possibilities I have been running over in my mind is they are going to be using this as part of the therapy process; they indicated to me that they believe that I am a 'professional' by all my mannerisms and speech patterns during 1 on 1 therapy. I'm just afraid that I am not going to be able to meet those expectations when I am in a larger group environment, but I am starting to see this as a personal challenge and perhaps will motivate me towards a goal that seems almost in reach. I also feel like they may be more accommodating of failure if I do stumble in this presentation, which could be destructive considering my history of self esteem issues.

I do believe that they are coming from a place of love rather than hate; the group of doctors and therapists I have worked with have all been very supportive of me and even though I know it is part of their job, I feel they may have genuine empathy and interest for my case. Logically though, they could be using this as a trial of fire so to speak in order to speed up the process of my integrating back into the social world. If that is the case I'll likely prepare for failure before I even make an attempt. I really just need to ask a lot of questions come Monday and see if I can somehow discern the basic intention of this from solid facts.

Thank you again for the support!




I know without a doubt it is going to stimulate me quite a bit, but I hope I can just channel my love of the topic and use that as a sort of shield to keep myself standing and talking. When I was around 10 years old, I gave a presentation to a few first grade classes at my grandfather's school regarding reptiles (my obsession at the time). While I was terrified of doing it, in that moment I was completely consumed by the feeling of being able to finally relate and teach others something I was so passionate about. I was apparently a big hit at the school after this, and I take great pride in that to this day. I'm hoping this presentation I can try and repeat what I did all those years ago and while I'm terrified of the thought of doing this, a part of me wants to get back that feeling.

Again though, I don't think the doctors are trying to harm me, I think they are just trying to create a positive environment where I could perhaps get a large self esteem boost if I feel I'm successful. At the same time, without knowing their specific intention I will still be doubting my reasoning on the assumption that the intent is pure; people are unpredictable after all. If I come to the conclusion that this will cause me more harm than good, I will step back and decline; without that option I'd feel too trapped to enjoy any of it I think.

Thank you for the advice!


I also just want to assure everyone that I am going to try my best to represent the AS community in a way that can help promote acceptance and dignity to those who may not understand it completely. I truly hope my experiences can be relate able and significant to this group and foster more awareness among professionals for what I personally think is sometimes a misunderstood syndrome.

I really want to make myself and those who share this identity proud to be who we are and that while we may be different, we are still a valuable and unique part of society that have made tremendous contributions throughout life. Everything I have read and researched regarding AS in the past month has indicated to me that this is a positive difference in many ways and allows us to accomplish things that an NT would struggle to as well. A large part of me wants this presentation to be my way to give back to a community that I've grown to understand and appreciate.

I hope I can do us proud and muster the courage to follow through!