Rage problem due to racism/xenophobia?

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I keep getting more and more angry everyday and it is to the point where I feel like I am completely detached from society. I live in Japan, so aside from being ignored due to being a foreigner, I experience racism/xenophobia on a daily basis via micro-aggression - many of the them being subtle yet obvious to me. People will often cough in my direction, which is basically a way of saying they think you are a dirty foreigner. It pisses me off so much. I used to be a really shy and quiet person, but because of people giving me s**t, I have become a raging psychopath. I notice that they do it more when they think you are happy and enjoying your life because they seem to do it more when I'm smiling. They also seem to do it often when I didn't have time to shave and I have a 5 o clock shadow going. I used to think I was being paranoid, but it happens literally every single day. Is there anyone else on here that is living in a foreign country that experiences this BS? Every time some racist person coughs at me, I cough right back and they never do s**t about it. They are often surprised because most foreigners probably just ignore them or let themselves be a target, but I won't roll over and take anyone's s**t, so I just tell the people off. I'm afraid that one day I'm going to beat someone half to death. Aside from seeking mental health, what am I supposed to do? I saw many psychologists growing up but they never seemed to help me at all.

OK when people cough they usually turn their heads. They also usually turn their heads in the same direction each time unless specifically trying not to cough in a certain direction. It's probably that you are just in the general vicinity of which way they turn their heads. I've known a lot of racists and I've never heard or seen anybody using coughing as a way to express it.

I'd suggest trying to notice how often people cough in general that isn't in your direction and compare the two. Actually I'd say to try to ignore the whole idea of microaggression because actual racists and douchebags are incapable of being sublt enough for micro anything. Trust me I've know enough to know this.

If you are in the US then I really wouldn't worry because the racists and crackers here are all against Middle Easterners and Mexicans. Japanese people aren't really on their radar so I doubt anybody is doing that at you.

Also a lot of 30 and under people have a great interest in Japanese culture and would more than likely be happy to meet you if you would tell them what Japan is like. So I really doubt they are doing it at you.

When I'm in public and cough if my hands aren't full I cover my mouth. I also turn my head to the right unless I see someone to my left. Sometimes a cough urge hits so fast you don't have time to look and you turn your head in the usual direction and cough before you notice. I'd guess that since more are right handed more turn their heads to the right. Notice these things too and compare them. Which way did everybody who coughs turn?

Basically how many people do you see cough every day, near you, at you, or not. How many cough toward you? How many turn to the right or left when they cough. Then compare all those before you decide they are doing something to you.

Trust me, actual racists are far less subtle.

Japan is a very racist country full of xenophobic people. If you can't handle it I suggest moving.

I totally misread this as a Japanese guy living in the US. Completely disregard my previous post please.

You have visited here before yes?

Yes, it is racist and xenophobic. It is funny because the racist/xenophobic sentiments that most people have are insecure and not really a racism/xenophobia solidly grounded in hate.

I know this because people have that look in their eyes and it is fear not hate. Some like to pretend they hate foreigners and I just find it cute.

My hatred on the other hand is solid and much stronger. I have shocked people when they cough in my face and I cough right in their face.

This one guy suddenly had a coughing fit coincidentally as we were crossing paths (after brief eye contact of course) and I coughed right into his ear. I just don't give a f**k. People want to be c***s to me, then I will return the favor.

Where are you from originally?

And if you're sure its racist motivated and over there coughing is actually used like that, then think of a good comeback that you like and say it. That will make you feel a lot better, even if you say the same thing every time for a while. You say it to different people.

So why would they use coughing? I don't get it. Is that common or is anything that isn't very polite seen that way?

I can think of several things to say right off the top of my head that I'd say if I was absolutely sure they were doing that at me for that reason.

Why not just move back to -whatever English speaking country ( you speak English well-so I assume that you're a native speaker) that you came from?

If you have to stay then maybe you can somehow get coaching and support from other foreigners living in Japan. Some Americans, and other emigres love Japan warts and all. There must be ways to get tips on survival-both on dealing with the Japanese people, and with dealing with your own inner self -as you deal with the Japanese.