What is the importance of "coming out"?

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While I don't have a problem with those on the spectrum who feel that they need to tell or educate people about their diagnosis or self-suspicion of diagnosis for the purpose of understanding, I don't want to have anything to do with my own AS/D at all or "coming out" about it, for all practical purposes, at least. But, I still love this site and everyone on here.

I do know about a few posters (notably who I read is ASPartOfMe) who encourages those on the spectrum to "come out" with their diagnosis, I think they probably don't agree with my opinion. I just wonder if there is anyone else who agrees with me on this. I stand by what I feel regardless of the news or spin of AS/D in our bigger society.

I also link this thread for a little reference:
viewtopic.php?t=360476

While I think it would be better if more Autistics came out it is a personal choice about a personal matter as is the case with any diagnosis of any kind.

The more Autistics come out the more negative stereotypes will ease.

I understand that for some coming out will very much hurt them. Sometimes people will admire you for it other times though people will look at you and treat you differently and often not in a good way, employers will find a way to not hire you or fire you. If parents reveal their kid's diagnosis their kid may suffer hours and hours of behavioral therapies.

I still don't really know if more autistics coming out will really make things necessarily better. I can understand that you feel that way, but even if that happened, it will still take a couple more decades for stereotypes to finally ease. Then there is the issue that people can't totally eliminate ignorance or stereotypes in general, because people like that will always exist.

Yes there will always be ignorant people, and unfortunately there’s not a lot anyone can do about that!

I am in the middle of ‘coming out’ so the subject has been heavily on my mind recently.
More understanding and general social awareness is the goal and I guess it has to start somewhere.

The social stigma that we want to cure is also the problem - before my diagnosis I was really positive about it and was planning to put a big post out on Facebook telling everyone I’d been diagnosed.

Then I thought about it,
And read stories about people in the same situation who lost work or friends because people don’t understand it.

For now I’ll keep it to myself and only tell those who need to know

True it does take a lot of time for stereotypes to ease. Also in the short term it creates a backlash. I believe we are having a backlash now with all the over diagnosis and Autism is fake talk.

I'm in a similar position as you on this. I've been contemplating for a long time whether or not to disclose my autism on social media. Not because it feels important to me, personally. But rather for the sake of helping the awareness-movement. I wouldn't have gotten my diagnosis without it, so I know that it helps.
My problem lies in that my social media presence is all work-related. I share my art there, and that's how I get work. So I'm worried about losing clients if I come out. I obviously don't have a desire to work with people who holds prejudice against autistics, the question is more about if I can afford it at this point.

The smartest thing for me to do is probably to just stay quiet about it, as I do agree that on a personal level, coming out might be a bad idea.
I know a lady who I had a pretty good relationship with. I made the mistake of telling her about my diagnosis, and since then she's been going great lengths to avoid me. So the backlash is obvious.

But for the sake of spreading awareness, I still want to do it. Because I'm convinced that in the long run, the more of us who are open about it, the more understanding and acceptance we will gain. It's absolutely true that it doesn't happen overnight. Just look at the feminist movement. That kicked off in 1848, and women's rights are still an issue world wide. But no one can argue that things has gotten way better since then. We might not see an immediate gain from coming out right now, but people in the future most certainly will.

I can’t remember where I read it - might of been here or could of been somewhere else, but there was someone who got a diagnosis in later life and they told a client who they had previously done a lot of work for and suddenly they weren’t getting anymore work from them even though they had proved they could do the job with no issues.

Also I read after Chris Packhams programme ‘Aspergers and Me’ a lot of pro-hunting groups were claiming that as he’s autistic we should be ignoring his opinion on the subject as for some reason it doesn’t mean as much as a NT persons opinion (even though he is probably a hell of a lot more qualified to talk about his specialist subject than any NT...

It really is a minefield, and like your reference to women’s rights, things will only improve over time, but those of us who ‘come out’ now or in the next ten years will face a lot of hardship for the decision to go public and raise awareness.


On a side note, it’s the misconceptions of autism that cause issues, I get so riled up imagining people’s negative responses that I can say there is a distinct possibility of me having some sort of meltdown if someone

Also to put things into perspective, autism and related conditions on that spectrum started receiving any mainstream attention at all only since 1999 or 2000, and that is only less than 20 years now.

Oh man, many decades to go then...
But I have the idea that we have a shorter way to go than (to take up the same example) the ladies in 1848 did. Because we could hitch a ride on the current wave of acceptance-movements, no?

I understand the importance of doing it.

If I'm The Mom Next Door, then I'm not the last terrifying mass shooter featured on the news.

If I'm the lady who overshares about her personal life at the liquor store the first Friday of the month, then I'm not Rainman.

If we're real people that "normal" people encounter every day and don't even know it until we show up with an Autism Awareness T-shirt saying, "That's me," then we're not scary. We're not a threat. We're more likely to have civil rights.

Still can't bring myself to take the risk of "coming out" in my community, in my acquaintance-life, to anyone other than the people closest to me. Because we're not there yet. Because I need my kids' teachers to take me seriously. Because my husband can't take 3 or 4 or 5 days off work to watch the kids because I'm locked up for observation because I cried in public and told the responding officer, "It's just a panic attack, I have high-functioning autism, this is just my normal some days." Because I need to be regarded as competent to speak for myself, because I can't make my husband go to every appointment to speak for me. Because my kids need to have a social life, and they're not going to get that if their friends' parents are afraid of me.

I "come out" because I don't think there is a need for me to hide it. If people ask me what is with me or the subject comes up I will say, no problem.And they don't seem to be paying attention.

For example:

Today a new woman (that coincidently criticized me about my manners before the situation) joined a group I attend and they started talking about another women, that wasn't present.
- You know... The one with a son that has Asperger...
(I wonder if I were the only one that realized how uncanny it was, I - an aspie girl - was right there and the mentioned son was right behind open door so he could also hear us clearly. Roughly half of the people gathered knows about us because I came out to them about myself and he was introduced to us by his mom.)
- ... And asperger is a milder form of astigmatism.
I bursted in laugh.
- What kind of astigmatism!? Autism, not astigmatism! - I said.
- Seems like I am falling asleep today. Autism. Of course. - she said.
- BTW. I have Asperger too. Hello!
But there was no reaction at all. They just changed the subject. Too bad.

It doesn't seem so. Those movements are all about socializing, and apparently they just don't want us in.

I think it's purely a personal choice and depends a lot on personality. Some aspies like to tell plenty of people because they just enjoy feeling like they have some extra attention, or it makes them look special or whatever, but that's not specific to autism. I've been working with people who would often repeat about conditions they have (be it dyslexia or other stuff), just because they need attention, or feel the need to explain themselves or stuff like that.

Personally I'm not telling anyone but I'm not keeping it secret either and I'm not ashamed of it. My mom and my best friends (that's 3 people) know. My dad and my siblings don't know. I've never told any of my managers at work since my diagnosis (I was diagnosed last year).

But now I'm in a job that I feel is right for me and there's been some awkward moments with my manager, who happens to sit next to me in the office, so eventually I might want to tell her.

I'm probably never gonna come out on social media because to me it's a ridiculous thing to do. But I respect those who do.

Just my two cents.

I just "came out" to two of my sister's this weekend. As I was explaining things to them, we started to discuss my niece who is showing signs as well. They dont know how to approach talking to her about it. They are afraid that once she reaches 18, she wont listen to them anymore. She is 17 now.

Told them I would talk to her, as I think I can describe the emptiness and loneliness we can feel better than they can. Plus having done all the tests and online tests, I can direct her to try themselves and see if things start to make sense in her life.