What makes someone creepy? An article

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I think as Aspies/Auties we check a lot of these boxes.

What stood out to me was that approximately 60% of respondents believed that creepy people did not realize that they were being creepy, and could not stop being creepy.

What I've been told that what the ASD diagnosis does is let people know that I have a disability that does not allow me to pick up on social cues, and that I don't intend to be off-putting. However, this seems to be something people intuitively pick up on with "creepy people" (like I said, a lot of Aspie/Autie traits in this list).

I wonder what exactly I'm telling people when I tell them I have Asperger's. (Or ASD)... I mean, they already seem to pick up on the basics. What my problems are, and that I can't control them and didn't ask for them. So why should I need to hand them the label to get sympathy? Why can't people just be accepting and supportive of those who don't pick up on social norms as easily?

I have a good childhood friend who I hung out with yesterday. He started talking about how he and some other kids bullied this one outcast in high-school so hard that he left gym class. He joked that he was afraid the kid would "shoot up the school." I asked him why he didn't like the guy, and he talked about how annoying he was and how he didn't pick up on what other people wanted to talk about.

I have no idea if this kid had ASD. From the stories I've heard, he did do some unacceptable stuff or stuff that could come off badly to others, but I don't think he was intentionally being rude. I don't think whether or not he had ASD mattered, he shouldn't have been bullied so much (not in the least by my friend who was a-okay talking about this to me even though he knows I've experienced similar things and that I have ASD).

My friend's a good guy (we grew up together), but I feel like everyone excludes someone somehow. I guess that HFA traits can be uncanny valley for some people. They don't know quite the reason why we are the way we are. The ASD label can decrease aggression because people like boxes, and when we fit into a "box", we seem less like "creepy unknowns" to others. Even if the ASD label doesn't tell NTs much they don't already know, they seem to be more outwardly nice to you if they know you "have a disability."

I just am frustrated because I don't think things will ever much change for anyone with high-functioning Autism until people in general are less, well, judgmental as a whole and more willing to nurture others (regardless of whether or not they're "Autistic") rather than exclude them. And that's probably not going to happen.

Why Are We Creeped Out?

Webster's defines a "creep" as "a strange person whom you strongly dislike" and "an unpleasant or obnoxious person". It also defines "the creeps" as "an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or fear". Thus, feeling "creeped out" is a response to a potential threat; even an ambiguous one. This reaction could be adaptive, something humans have evolved to feel; with being "creeped out" as a way to maintain heightened vigilance during a situation that could be dangerous.

The Creepzone

If people actively avoid you, if they try to get away from you, if they don't welcome your presence, or if they are openly hostile toward you, then they may be thinking of you as "creepy".

While there seems to be no official definition for the "creepzone", it's meaning may be inferred. Thus, when a person is obviously being avoided by others in social situations, then it is likely that the person has been "creepzoned"; that is, others may experience "an uncomfortable feeling of nervousness or fear" whenever that person is around. But why could this be?

Who's a Creep?

According to Dr. Frank T. McAndrew Ph.D. in "How We Decide Who's Creepy", people perceived as "creepy" are likely to:

• Be males more than females

• Behave unpredictably

• Display non-normative "body language" and emotional behaviors

• Display unusual patterns of eye contact (i.e., always or never).

• Have non-normative hobbies or occupations

• Persistently steer conversations toward peculiar or unpleasant topics

• Possess non-normative physical characteristics

Related to all of this, females are more likely than males to perceive some sort of sexual threat from a "creepy" person, especially if that person is male -- less so from younger or shorter males, and more so from older or taller males.

Parallels to Asperger's Syndrome

Coincidentally, males are more likely than females to be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, the symptoms of which include (but are not limited to):

• Unusual behavior (i.e., advanced or archaic vocabulary, contact avoidance, endless talking, rocking, selective mutism, stimming, too loud or too quiet, whining, et cetera)

• Unusual patterns of eye contact (i.e., forced gaze, little or no eye contact)

• Persistent focus on peculiar or unpleasant topics of conversation (i.e., special interests, conspiracy theories, bodily functions, personal experiences, sex and sexuality, et cetera)

• Non-normative non-verbal and emotional behaviors (i.e., easily distressed, jumpiness, prone to meltdowns, sensitivity to criticism, stimming, little or no "body language", et cetera)

• Non-normative physical characteristics (i.e., awkward gait, physical clumsiness, rigid posture, et cetera)

• Non-normative hobbies (i.e., collections of what is commonly considered "trash", obsessiveness toward one hobby to the exclusion of social activities, et cetera)

• Non-normative occupations (i.e., unemployed, in a job that might commonly be considered demeaning or disgusting, or in a job requiring little or no social contact)

• Poor grooming, fashion sense, or hygiene (i.e., acne, unkempt or greasy hair, too much cologne, unshaven, body odor, wearing damaged or wrinkled clothing, mis-matched clothing, et cetera)

• Aggressive or intimidating behavior (i.e., standing too close, clenched fists, abusive or insulting language, expressionless voice, et cetera)

• Insulting or demeaning behavior (i.e., correcting what others say, derailing the topic of conversation, demeaning or ignoring other people's emotional distress, interrupting, et cetera).

Thus, the classic symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome would seem to inspire a "creepy" feeling in others, and be a one-way ticket to the "creepzone" for the Aspie. Unfortunately, the fact that more females than males perceive a "creepy" person as a sexual threat means that most "creepy" people will be males; and the fact that Asperger's Syndrome is diagnosed more in males than in females means that most of those "creepy" males will likely have Asperger's Syndrome.

Is there anything that can be done? I'm at a loss for what the label does for us now.

Initially, the idea was that the label informed others that we didn't want to be the way we were and couldn't help it. But if NTs know that already, what changes when we tell them we have Asperger's? If anything?

You can’t underestimate the role of popular fiction i.e serial killer / Peado , School shooters, weird bad guy movies & dramas.

Unfortunately sometimes this is based on the fact that many of these bad people mirror behaviors associated with ASD.

This is a problem in child safety as many children and parents find it difficult to accept that abusers don’t always act creepy and can act very charming on the outside.

Maybe it’s just hardwired into the human brain a kind of early human defense mechanism.

From a Darwinian view someone who was acting “weird” may be dishonest in his intentions, be unpredictable and dangerous.

I mean when they dig up bodies in someone’s garden, the neighbors usually comment on how weird or quite the guy was etc etc...

Watch the “my friend Dahmer” for an idea of what I mean.

I took acting lessons; partly because I wanted to learn how to seem more "normal", and partly because I got tired of being cast as Igor (Frankenstein's assistant), Renfield (Dracula's henchman), and Lurch (the Adams Family's butler) in school plays.

Hmmm...
The perceptions of 'creepy' here are rather different.

Pedophilia, school shooters, serial killers and that silent guy on the corner who happened to be some scheming predator?
Eh. Those are roles assigned by the western media as much as the school jocks and nerds 'exists'.

It's not as influential elsewhere, but it is still as real of an influence from where it came.

Ignorant masses are vulnerable to such association.
I still think it's interesting sometimes how tropes play into the human consciousness.



Instead, from where I came from -- we still associate creepiness with hermit witches and shape shifting monsters. Seriously.

Heck, the role of the creep is usually females victims, than male prepetrators.

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@ Edna: Please re-read the first two posts in this thread, and the articles they link to.

it is so much easier just to be a hermit than to negotiate the social minefield. at this point, knowing that i am doing the best i can to honor the golden rule, i can't care anymore if people deem me a creep.

I sometimes notice that somehow I am seen as creepy but I don't know why. I have never done anything to warrant others thinking I am creepy.
I have had families go to protect their children when I am around, but I just don't know why. They don't do this when other people pass. Is it the way I look? I don't know! Never have worked out why! If I had done something wrong, at least it would make sense but I haven't.

we need our own communities.

It's really painful emotionally. We know that we would never hurt anyone. Others judge us for behaviors we don't understand and then we internalize their judgment.

I just tend to avoid people so I don't get hurt. (Obviously I can't avoid everyone!)

Ms. Whale_Tuune (the OP), you have some very insightful observations. I applaud you for those. Props to follows-ups, including and especially to the one and only Fnord

And let me just say that fellow is accurate with his statement that Western society (well, probably Eastern society too!) regards hermits, druggies, incels, etc., as "creepy". Indeed this conjures up those cliche expressions like "he gave me the willies", "there was just some weird/vacant look in his eyes", or "he didn't seem to respect my space or that I wanted to get away from him / didn't want to talk to him", well, guess what - these are all conceivable responses to the ASD/HFA presentation to peers.

Unfortunately, many times this creates a vicious circle (or cycle, if you prefer) effect - the sufferer (of ASD) feels more anxious from rejection or negative treatment, they tense up more and give off more negative vibes, i.e. they manifest more negative thoughts in their non-verbal, maybe become more "Tourettes-like" even and blurt out inappropriate things... you get the picture. Some of you may have seen this vicious cycle personified in the movie The Joker. Of course, the Joker is the epitome of "creepy".

That's another thing, with ASD/HFA those who emerge more successful from it tend to not only have luck as a factor, but have a certain attitude from not falling into that death spiral, or as the great philosopher Nietzsche (likely Aspie and definite nonconformist) called it - the abyss.

In my approach throughout life, I suffered indignities, but took a more "Mandela-like" approach to it. I adopted the NT ways realizing I had to accommodate their preferences (not vice-versa, even before my diagnosis at age 27 in the early 2000s), that reconciliation and redemption was possible in spite of the past.

Like I also said, some luck was involved - I had:
1. An accepting father
2. A good circle of accepting friends in post-secondary who, in some ways liked me more due to my eccentricity and sense of humour
3. The looks (received compliments from several women)
4. A good CS/IT job & career trajectory for years since my mid-20s, which had an initial luck component of "one thing led to another".

By counting my blessings and using them as a foundation, I worked out vigorously later in my 20s, got speech therapy, actively practiced acting in the mirror based loosely on certain movies I just watched, and was able to get several dates and relationships with women, good-looking women too.

IN my 40s today, I have a great career with a house, two cars, great friends and a wonderful wife with two daughters. The last time I heard anyone say I was "creepy" or which I heard second hand was at the age of 26.

So, YES, it is indeed possible... as long as you don't fall into the seductive spiral of all-consuming negative emotions! and take proactive steps when you can, where you can.