How to deal with curebies kindly?

Post Reply New Topic

Ok so I am an Aspie, as is my son.

We have friends with autist kids and friends with aspie kids. We also have lots of friends on the spectrum. Anyway I am obviously anti-cure because I believe neurodiversity is necessary for the survival of the human race, and because I am a proud Aspie. My kids are perfect the way they are and I would rather die than "cure" them of who they are.

I have a friend he was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and now his mom is going through the whole cure thing. It's really sad to me. I know she feels like she is helping him and doing what is "best for him" but I really feel like she has basically turned on him. She has denounced everything that makes him "him" and has instead held him to some standard that is not him.

In the past my response to curebies has always been something like:
yeah well my "deffective mind" earns me twice as much money as your "normal" mind. Or something similar. I don't know how to be gentle with someone who is insulting the very fabric of my personality and my brain, and my son's and my friends' etc.

Last edited by shaggydaddy on 23 Jan 2008, 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Q: How to deal with curebies kindly? A: euthenasia! (just kidding!, I couldn't resist!). These people are deserving of compassion especially those who's lives are personally affected by Autism in some way.

Last edited by autodidact on 23 Jan 2008, 6:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Debate them, but keep it informal and lighthearted.

I think the best way is to show by example, as it seems your doing. That little boy with a curebie mum is going to grow up to be a very troubled and self-hating person unless she changes here attitude. [Wish I'd had a father like you...]

I'm able to deal with curbies, because to a degree, I understand their point of view. They see all these horrible traits about Autism, and want them to go away. However you can't get a magic wand for life's mishaps, and the only way to get through this rough stuff is to look at the positive. Try telling the things that Aspergers has given you. I know my honesty, intelligence, my energy, and my love for everybody was given to me because of my Autism, not despite of it
I wish both you and that mother the best, and try to think of this mother's side of things (Which I know is hard because of Aspergers, but I know you can if you put the effort).

What is she doing to her son?

I lost a friend when she put her kid on a drug cocktail (he was a toddler at the time) and I didn't medicate my son. The odd thing is that she was upset about my choice to not medicate my child. I didn't say anything to her about her choice. I guess she wanted me to medicate my son to feel better about what she was doing

So far just raising money and "awareness" for Autism Speaks.

It depends on how direct she is with you. Is she saying things that are insulting about Asperger's to you? If so, "I'd just say, you know what? I'm like that and I'm hearing you complain about it and want to change it. I'm happy with myself and I'm happy with my kids, I"m sorry you think we need a cure. "

I agree with the way you feel Shaggydaddy.

*sigh*

I know the feeling... I have a good friend who was seeing a woman, and she said "well have you TRIED to be different?? Maybe you'll be the one to change...". Something similar happened to another friend years later. I tried talking to people sometimes, tried showing them by analogy, how many things can cause something that appears to be similar... on the surface at least. I've finally reached the point where I'd have to say the KINDEST thing to do to a curebie would be make your first shot count so they don't suffer. Well maybe not quite. Close though.... My experience with curebies is, they have some ENORMOUS feelings of guilt and are frantically searching for ANYTHING that will make this "not their fault" and they'll grasp at any stupid thing a "celebrity" says. All we need is thousands of frantic Mom's listening to Jenny Freakin Psycho McCarthy. Next thing you know they'll decide that forcing the kids to drink 12 smoothies a day will help and then blame mercury and videogames because the kids bloat up into whales...

I've had to bite my tongue HARD around some co-workers who are very "nature this and organic that..." yet they all carry cell phones, ipods, and I'm sure their clothes have synthetic fabric and they use "modern" sanitary aids during their periods. The cherrypicking "I want this and this and THIS but NOT all that AWFUL PROGRESS" really chaps my ass.

There is no cure for Autism, because it's not a disease. I've been AS all my life. I've also never had trouble making a living, and shagdaddy said, a pretty good one.

The so-called "Autism Speaks" is a nut group. They're about money. Ask Kitsy or Anna54 if you want someone to go off on "Autism Speaks." Maybe I shouldn't have said that, because now they're going to be swamped, but they're both a couple of the most beautiful activists I've ever met..... And maybe we should add Shagdaddy to that list. But somehow I've always felt that if someone came around with a magic wand and said "I can cure Autisim" I'd probably say "no think you, because you might cure my ability to write, and make films, and play music, and all the things I like, and I'm good at."

If you can get a very low functioning kid and make them stand out a little less without changing anything, then okay, but until someone can come along and first explain in a way that answers all my questions, how the brain really works (no, virginia, they don't know) then I'm very leery of people working away in labs torturing animals in an attempt to explain autism. Maybe they'll torture people. They'll get stopped soon enough.

It's not all NTs that are the problem either. There are some extremely sensitive NTs who know a great deal about autistics, but they're not out to fix anything.

My two cents anyway.

Beentheredonethat

That doesn't make her a curebie.

We have unique stm toys that we've accumulated through the years all over the house. When people come over, whether NT or AS, they can't help but get into a stimmy mood. I think it makes NTs learn to appreciate their inner autist trying to break out and they lighten up.

I've met some crazy parents who are soooooooo into curing their child its unbelievable. I'm always at the childrens specialized hospital, like tonight we had sensory play, played with fake snow and goo lol, maddd fun hehe

Anyways earlier i was signing in, when a mother walked up to the front desk and asked "if their was any therapies that will cure my sons autism" Her son was 6, cute, very verbal, seemed very aspie, talking like a true little professor, and the security guard goes um we have therapies to make the child high functioning, then looked at the child and said even though he seems fine to me. She was like excuse me, hes handflapping, and he spins in circles, thats Okay!? The security guard was like "whats wrong with being happy?" She then grabbed the kid by the shirt and stormed out of the hospital, ranting on and on about curing autism. I was just standing there in shock, looking at that little boy completely confused and not knowing whats going on! I guess her son just got diagnosed, but wow, i never saw a parent like that before. I looked at the security guard and he was like "some parents never learn to accept, rather just want perfection instead!" I just smiled, and walked away.

It amazes me how some parents are to a certian point where i actually can see the child suffering not because of the autism, because of how parents are desperately trying to change their child. That little boy, i will never forget his face, on how totally confused/sad he was .

Stim toys?

I'd say that the most famous stim toy is the Slinky but, in our house we have strange toys that are supposed to show principals of physics. We have goofy musical robots. Cool powerful round magnets that do their own math and rush around during themselves into what looks like DNA strands when you play with them. We have Dr. Dimento and Animanicas music and other stuff that's too complicated to describe because I don't like to write real long posts.