Aspartners

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Are we truly as bad, selfish, and inconsiderate as these women say we are? I've been reading their posts and they say their partners are destroying them? Are we and would we be the same way to our current and potential spouses? If any of them are reading this here I ask is there anyway that I can get into a dialogue with you? http://people.delphiforums.com/mamamarch/aspartners/

If all of this is true then are we like typhoid mary? Personally, I want NTs to be happy as well and if I'm causing such misery and pain then wouldn't the best course of action to be to withdraw from society completely and quarantine myself?

ukes:

I hate that place.

I do not doubt their partners are jerks, some of them do sound like jerks IMO than AS and heck even at babycenter, I have seen some threads posted by women whining about their husbands and guess what? It was about the exact same issues these NTs have with their AS partners. I knew it was wasn't an AS thing they were dealing with and it was just laziness and being a jerk. Not helping out, being insensitive, not taking care of the kids and leaving the mother doing all the work. And I doubt on Babycenter all these women hubbies were aspies too. It totally felt like I was at AS partners reading those posts when I saw them at babycenter.

And I think there are some insensitive NTs there about their AS partners because no matter what they do, it's never good enough for their partners and they are just needy and too clingy. They can never appreciate what their partners do for them that is very thoughtful, instead they focus on the bad and no matter what their aspies do, it's never good enough.

Also I see the site as "what not to do" and "how not to act."

And honestly when I first saw that forum in 2006, it all sounded like a joke and it felt like I was reading about my first ex when I was seeing posts about their partners being lazy and spending all their time with their interest and not doing anything else to help out nor taking care of the kids. All I could do back then was laugh as I read those posts and then I had to leave the place because it was pissing me off at the same time only because it was reminding me of my ex. Now I have very negative views when I read about people like that and I don't even care if they are AS or not. I just view them as jerks and lazy.

[quote]Pukes:

I hate that place.

I do not doubt their partners are jerks, some of them do sound like jerks IMO than AS and heck even at babycenter, I have seen some threads posted by women whining about their husbands and guess what? It was about the exact same issues these NTs have with their AS partners. I knew it was wasn't an AS thing they were dealing with and it was just laziness and being a jerk. Not helping out, being insensitive, not taking care of the kids and leaving the mother doing all the work. And I doubt on Babycenter all these women hubbies were aspies too. It totally felt like I was at AS partners reading those posts when I saw them at babycenter. [/quote]

Maybe some of the husband's behaviors are guy things. Some of the women expect the guy to read their minds. I told you about the food example with my wife. Why can't the women be direct and tell their husbands what they want? Some of these women are so demanding. My wife has the attitude of if you see it needs to be done then do it. Here is my problem. How do I tell if it needs to be done. It could be a time sensitive activity. Maybe before this chore has to be done another one has to be done before it. I cannot function in her way. If something needs to be done then I need to be given permission to do it.

[quote]And I think there are some insensitive NTs there about their AS partners because no matter what they do, it's never good enough for their partners and they are just needy and too clingy. They can never appreciate what their partners do for them that is very thoughtful, instead they focus on the bad and no matter what their aspies do, it's never good enough.[/quote]

Exactly

[quote]Also I see the site as "what not to do" and "how not to act."

And honestly when I first saw that forum in 2006, it all sounded like a joke and it felt like I was reading about my first ex when I was seeing posts about their partners being lazy and spending all their time with their interest and not doing anything else to help out nor taking care of the kids. All I could do back then was laugh as I read those posts and then I had to leave the place because it was pissing me off at the same time only because it was reminding me of my ex. Now I have very negative views when I read about people like that and I don't even care if they are AS or not. I just view them as jerks and lazy.[/quote]

Maybe you're right. Maybe AS does not have a factor in it. Maybe the true diagnois of their husbands is that they're jerks and as*holes. Let's call it as*hole disorder. Maybe as*hole disorder can be comorbid with AS. In addition, NTs can have it as well. Another thing, is we do not have the husband's point of view. I would love to hear what they had to say. It seems like these women complain over nothings. There are a few men who are members on that site as well.

Go over there and type in The social costs of aspergers.
[quote]Pukes:

I hate that place.

I do not doubt their partners are jerks, some of them do sound like jerks IMO than AS and heck even at babycenter, I have seen some threads posted by women whining about their husbands and guess what? It was about the exact same issues these NTs have with their AS partners. I knew it was wasn't an AS thing they were dealing with and it was just laziness and being a jerk. Not helping out, being insensitive, not taking care of the kids and leaving the mother doing all the work. And I doubt on Babycenter all these women hubbies were aspies too. It totally felt like I was at AS partners reading those posts when I saw them at babycenter. [/quote]

Maybe some of the husband's behaviors are guy things. Some of the women expect the guy to read their minds. I told you about the food example with my wife. Why can't the women be direct and tell their husbands what they want? Some of these women are so demanding. My wife has the attitude of if you see it needs to be done then do it. Here is my problem. How do I tell if it needs to be done. It could be a time sensitive activity. Maybe before this chore has to be done another one has to be done before it. I cannot function in her way. If something needs to be done then I need to be given permission to do it.

[quote]And I think there are some insensitive NTs there about their AS partners because no matter what they do, it's never good enough for their partners and they are just needy and too clingy. They can never appreciate what their partners do for them that is very thoughtful, instead they focus on the bad and no matter what their aspies do, it's never good enough.[/quote]

Exactly

[quote]Also I see the site as "what not to do" and "how not to act."

And honestly when I first saw that forum in 2006, it all sounded like a joke and it felt like I was reading about my first ex when I was seeing posts about their partners being lazy and spending all their time with their interest and not doing anything else to help out nor taking care of the kids. All I could do back then was laugh as I read those posts and then I had to leave the place because it was pissing me off at the same time only because it was reminding me of my ex. Now I have very negative views when I read about people like that and I don't even care if they are AS or not. I just view them as jerks and lazy.[/quote]

Maybe you're right. Maybe AS does not have a factor in it. Maybe the true diagnois of their husbands is that they're jerks and as*holes. Let's call it as*hole disorder. Maybe as*hole disorder can be comorbid with AS. In addition, NTs can have it as well. Another thing, is we do not have the husband's point of view. I would love to hear what they had to say. It seems like these women complain over nothings. There are a few men who are members on that site as well.

http://forums.delphiforums.com/aspartne ... msg=9425.1

Well I must say there are some smart women there. I remember the spitting in the kitchen sink thing and throwing their dirty clothes in the wrong spot and they were all blaming it on AS and finally, finally a woman said there those were guy things regarding the laundry linen being thrown on the floor. I thought "At least there are some women there who know what to separate from AS."

I looked up The social costs of aspergers and found the OP post depressing. He sounded like he hates his wife and why is he even still with her then?

But I liked the post by Lwaxy. She sure set the OP straight. I also enjoyed her replies. At least she knows what to separate and knows even NTs can be just as bad since her old partner was NT and acted like an asspie.

And even none aspies can slap and hit and pinch and ignore their kids. Having sex less than ten times a year? LMAO.
Honestly I think he should leave his wife if she is that bad. But then again that thread is a year old so who knows what he has done since then.


I have heard of NTs there not liking hearing the positive stuff. Even one wife there got flamed when she talked about her aspie husband and the positives. She left that place. I didn't see the drama but the aspie told about it at I2 saying how his wife made a post about him and she got flamed.

they treat their spouses as if they have down syndrome i saw a post called something like "get out while you can." thats why i would love to find a nice aspie girl to be with because they are NOT like NTs at all i might actually be happy if i could somehow find an aspie girl but i swear i think im the only autistic kid with a 100 mile radius of my county maybe more but anyway that site sickened me i honestly feel as if im gonna throw up after i left that site and i only read 1 topic

Okay, I must have missed that part then about her being an aspie. Bad ADD and reading comprehension problems. I was focused on other things too at the time when I was reading that thread and it was hard to concentrate. Something I am still trying to work on.

I think there is some truth in 'Cassandra syndrome'. Having gone out with an incredibly self-centered, arrogant AS person, I can personally attest that it does leave you emotionally drained and depressed. The error though is making it a blanket statement about aspergers; many guys with AS work their butts off not to act like this and to be kind to their partners, so it's a kick in the teeth to them, whereas I don't see why someone going out with an arrogant, self-centered NT wouldn't experience exactly the same symptoms.

'Cassandra syndrome' just seems to be a series of symptoms that signal that the relationship isn't right for you and that you should stop banging your head against a wall and get out.

(edit: reading through the forums now; whilst I feel sorry for some, most of these women come across as idiots. If 'ASH' is so awful, leave already!)

After reading some of the posts on that site some of these things these women are bitching about are the same things my NT male friends get yelled for by their wives when I am over at their houses. Sounds like they are taking anything they do not like about their husbands and blaming it on AS. I hope their AS husbands that they complain about constantly accidently put it in the wrong hole. Maybe they can blame that on the AS when they send their husband to fetch them a tube of preperation H from the bathroom medicine cabnet.

My co-worker's wives were always saying to them why can't you be more like Todesking because of how overly polite and quiet when I am over at their houses. They were also talking about how their husbands would tell their wives about how my work station was clean and put in its own place I could tell instantly when something has been messed with. I use to tease them at work that they meant me having big feet (size 13), big hands, broad shoulders, and other portional things.