chocolate

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edna

it's not "just sugar". according to nutrition labels, clif bars contain about the same amount of sugar as kit kat bars. for many years, i ate two daily clif bars. one day, i just stopped eating clif bars. zero cravings. chocolate has been *really* hard as f**k to give up.

some articles claim that chocolate has the same impact on the brain as "love".

it's the chocolate.

all things equal, i feel emotionally better when i eat chocolate than when i do not eat chocolate, in the short term.

not all things equal.

short term sometimes differs from long term.

craving chocolate.

craving love. s**t

but wtf ever. after eating chocolate, i feel better emotionally for a couple of seconds and then i feel worse b/c i ate too much chocolate.

I had a brief passion for cheap chocolate bars from Aldi, in the 1990s. Whole nut, and fruit and nut mostly. I'd break a huge bar up into large chunks, put it in the coldroom at work, and I'd keep going in there and grabbing a chunk to scoff. But after a week or two I started to feel like crap, and figured it was probably the vast amounts of choccie that was doing it, so I stopped.

These days I live in fear of a heart attack so I usually keep away from the stuff except for one (or sometimes two) of those tiny Hershel's "Kisses" blobs. I even worry about eating that amount, but there has to be a balance between fun and health. I should probably try making my own healthy, liquid chocolate by using cocoa, soya milk powder, fruit sugar, polyunsaturated oil, and maybe rose water to make it taste like Turkish Delight. But it would take a lot of trial-and-error and it'd probably be very messy. I'd have to learn about how to use emulsifiers to stop the aqueous and oily layers from separating out. I don't know how the manufacturers manage to get their chocolate so smooth.

I tried a piece of Hershey's chocolate a few days ago. Not bad but I do prefer good old Australian Cadbury chocolate.

If you ever get a chance, try our Tim Tams. They're like nothing else.

I've never been much of a Tim Tam fan, although I will buy the ALDI copy for sucking up tea (Tim Tam straw).
Weston's once made a biscuit called a "Quattro" that was really good, and great value but it was bought out by Arnott's, who only made it for another month before shutting down production.
This wasn't long after they stopped making proper Jaffa Cakes... Arnott's Jaffa Cakes were so much nicer (and bigger!) than McVitie's.

Coworkers eat:

7-11
Food cart (Philly cheese steak)
McDonald's
Popeyes
Burger King

Guadalajara
Panda Express
Dave's hot chicken
California Pizza kitchen
Canes chicken

"Life" has been going sideways for a long f**k time and it's only getting worse. 41 already pretty old. Nothing I try to do is good enough so why bother trying?

Constantly misunderstood

Social anxiety disorder

Annoying lil dipshits at work, on the bus, and etc cetera s**t

upcoming holidays

12/23 today, 7:42pm pst
12/24 christmas eve
12/25 christmas
12/31 new years eve
1/1 new years day

s**t that makes me want chocolate:

almost getting hit by cars
ass hole barking @ and laughing @ me and having the nerve to touch me
idiots ordering me around
"huh" and "what" and "can you"
off leash dogs
coworkers micromanaging me
litterbox difficulties
worrying about getting made redundant

the list is like frequency, intensity, duration

trying/planning to start eating one serving (about one regular size candy bar, 200 calories), a day, every day, starting january 2025 or so.

41 years old, always been single. noone's gonna wanna date my worthless corpse anyways.

destroyed my career and "life" a longfuck time ago s**t.

i do NOT get along with most precious lil "people",

I've just had chocolate spread on toast

exhausted all the time

got no future

zero occupational prospects

constantly afraid of getting made redundant and/or ending up homeless (they overlap, but not the same thing)

wish i was a skinny smart cisgender neurotypical white man civil engineer, like mister redelings. f**k mister redelings. that ass hole had the nerve to (correctly) tell me "you have a hard time dealing with reality". that idiot completely ignored racism sexism homophobia ableism and et cetera, but his statement was accurate. (manipulative)

cranberry muffins

Safeway bakery donuts

s**t

"life" has gone sideways. i'm 41 years old and no longer have enough sufficient emotional resilience to turn my dumbfuck "life" around. (maybe i never had enough emotional resilience).

feel like i've been going down a waterslide with a large deep puddle of feces @ the end.

every slightest movement takes way too much energy.

talking takes way too much energy.

sometimes even sleeping takes too much energy.

my lazy, rude, stupid, ghettoass, vulgar, selfish, coworkers do little besides sit around talking, but i am so tired i have to be lying down quietly, s**t.

cheetos
pie
cake
lasagna
burrito
taco
enchilada
ice cream
fried chicken
french fries
pancakes

if i've learned anything @ home depot, it is that fat people do everything thin people do, including living long healthy lives. plenty of precious lil "people" that work @ home depot are fat as f**k and they appear to have no problem with work, family, friends, or anything like that.

sometimes, difficulty getting to sleep. wake up in the middle of the night and take a long time to fall back asleep.

emotionally disturbing dreams.

exhausted all the time.

cannot afford to turn the heat on. feet frozen sometimes in the winter. losing all sensation. paranoid that that will cause medical bills in the future, s**t.

constantly afraid of getting made redundant. esp since, the friday before last friday, the front end supervisor had the nerve to bark @ me that the head cashier could not find me, and that there were not enough carts before i went to break, and i was taking too much time before lunch. that stupidass b***h. (rolls eyes). i've been working there four years and two months with four different supervisors (some of them micromanagers) and not one of them had the nerve to tell me anything like that.

sometimes it's raining @ work or on the way to work. shoes wet 7am to 7pm. sometimes it's cold (about 35F, lows for the day. good thing i do not live in alaska). then i change shoes and clothes @ work and last week, a b***h had the nerve to bark @ me to change clothes in the litterbox instead of the breakroom. (at least that b***h did not tell human resources that i "made her uncomfortable") (rolls eyes).

ass holes and b*****s EVERYWHERE, s**t!

off leash dogs

almost get hit by a car a couple times a day

idiots laugh @ me

micromanagers

constantly afraid of ending up made redundant or homeless s**t

zero f*****g "friends"

yesterday was my dad's 5th anniversary of his death day.

wednesday is lunar new year

valentines day

presidents day

cravings gone haywire

past couple weeks, been eating about two extra servings per day. however no weight gain, according to the scale, thus far. maybe the scale is wrong. s**t. grocery costs skyrocketing. my sister owns the house i have been living in and she keeps telling me she wants to sell the house. if/when she sells the house, i might end up homeless. some apartments require tenants to have income 3x the rent. which i sure as f**k do not have.

i've been at the end of my rope for plenty of years s**t.

i feel like i'm dying but i've felt like i was dying since i was 12 and i am still alive.

exhausted all the time.

Can't live without chocolate

past couple days, a couple times, ate an extra two servings each day. according to the scale, no weight gain thus far. maybe the scale's not working. or maybe weight gain is coming soon. or maybe lost muscle and gained fat.

everything's so f*****g stressful:

no heat in house, cold feet
emotional overeating
micromanaging head cashier and supervisors
sleeping difficulty
defecating difficulty

afraid of getting made redundant
dogs
getting hit by a car
rude coworkers/day laborers/customers/other ass holes
contagious idiots on the bus/breakroom

autism
gender identity disorder/homophobia
regret structural engineering
zero "Friends" s**t

past couple days, a couple times, ate an extra two servings each day. according to the scale, no weight gain thus far. maybe the scale's not working. or maybe weight gain is coming soon. or maybe lost muscle and gained fat.

some ass hole @ safeway yesterday had the nerve to say, "sup, chinito". (rolls eyes). some idiots are so f*****g full of themselves and i am afraid that if i answer them they will physically injure me.

f**k those racist ass holes, s**t!

craving:
french fries
ice cream
waffles
white chocolate
dark chocolate
milk chocolate
strawberry cake

s**t


midlife crisis

smooth talking annoying lil dipshits

SORRY about your Ole Man..as appropriate... Chocolate over 80 % cacoa stimulates stem cell production , shown on Yahoo front page .....but that can be bitter ..usually if you can deal with coffee, usually there pair well....