My friggin anus is closed up PLEASE help

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That's good that you're feeling better now. You should still check up with the doctor just to make sure nothing is wrong with your body.

Sounds like a good case to have a bottle of magnesium stearate in the medicine cabinet when you need it? That's the direction I'd probably try. Better that than making a whole new exit.

You need to clean up your diet or else you're going to get your hemorrhoids removed at your doctor's office. You think having a syringe jammed up your anus feels good?

+1 for having the funniest Subject line I've seen since I've been here.

I'm glad you got through it. For future reference:

Most things descirbed here are short term remedies which will make constipation worse in the long run. (No disrespect intended).

Lay off the spicy foods. (Do some research for yourself - don't just listen to me). Pungent foods, of which chili is the worst, will dry your body, especially the colon.

All stimulants will increase anxiety in the long term. Coffee particularly, though it can be great if you've got to get to a meeting or something and want to be clean for a few hours. Coffee is particularly drying.

Senna is great in the short term and one of the least damaging to the body but as it stimulates peristalsis it can weaken ones natural mechanisms. I am speaking from experience here The evidence is there also if you need it on the net.

I hope things stay regular for you.

A cup of hot black coffee. Relief in about an hour.

Seconded for a higher fiber diet! Next time you buy cereal look at the fiber content on the ingredients label. Some cereals have hardly any fiber.

Eating should stimulate your bowel system; though normally we can neglect it and ignore it. Try to sit on the toilet as soon as you eat something and take advantage of the nervous system kicking in.

By the way, don't try too hard when on the toilet, the stress of it may kick in your nervous system ever so slightly and suppress you GI even more. Read a book and take your time; try not to freak out like you did earlier.


If you are not doing #2 daily, you probably should try taking advantage of the automatic response of the body and try yourself on the toilet after meals; as that is the best time to force it out.