Looking for help starting to workout

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Thank you for the post.

While I agree the gym is going to be very difficult, I've already gone and done it. I'm in a year contract now, so, I'm going, like it or not. I did that on purpose so I wouldn't back out. I HATE wasting money.

As Ive said too, I'm really trying to challenge my comfort zone here for the purposes of personal growth. Fear discourages me too often from things that would help me, or I'd enjoy. I must overcome this to some extent. That fear, and my overall inability to make myself uncomfortable for the greater good has held up my life for too long.

I do not know how to ride a bike, so that would be out. Walking is only going to get me so far. While weight loss is my primary goal here, aesthetics are becoming more of a goal for me. I'm probably going to be getting divorced, so I need to get my s**t together a little bit better here with my body. Again, I have low expectations, but I've gotta start somewhere.

I do still go hiking, as I like it just as an activity. I did get myself some new shoes because the ones I was trying to walk/jog in were worn out and hurt my feet.

Ideally if I lived in my own place with some room, I'd have tried to get some weights/equipment to get started on my own with. But I don't have that option. And I do feel weight training is something I need to start. If I lose weight and do nothing else, I'll just be less heavy but still flabby. Again, I don't expect to look like an athlete. I would be happy just to have my arm clearly distinguishable as being a man's. And I don't really want titties anymore. I know these are hard work. I know if I can fight through this anxiety, get into a routine, it'll become easy for me to at least get in there and bust my ass.

I'm trying to put this in the psychological space where things go when I have no choice and I'm being forced to accept something I don't want to. I'm not giving myself an out here. I view my anxiety as a child inside me throwing a fit about not wanting to, and my conscious self is the adult here. "YOU"RE GOING! END OF STORY".

We'll see how it goes. I go Saturday to meet with someone who will take my weight, test my strength and hopefully get the first step out of the way easily.

Thanks to all who have replied!

first off, kudos to you for being so motivated. it's the most important thing, and you've got it, so you should feel really confident about that. a gym is a great place to start. with biking, i think people may have been suggesting stationary bikes at the gym, either recumbent or seated. they are super low impact (which will be kind on your ankles, feet, knees, etc.), and incredibly easy to use. treadmills are straightforward. ellipticals can be great, too, and are low impact, which is good so long as they feel comfortable to you (some of them use odd elliptical parameters...). all of these things are good for cardio and good for weight loss, and will help you build some lower muscle in your legs. i used to run myself, but i've given up on it - it's really hard on the joints, and if you're carrying a little bit of extra weight it can be really uncomfortable.

weights can be great, too. the main issue you mention is how to you determine what proper form is, and what you should be doing. i've worked with trainers before and they can be good, but they can also be not so good. if you feel like they're pushing you WAY too hard (they should be pushing you a bit beyond your comfort zone), they may be. But it is probably a great idea for you.

I've recently started weight lifting again, trying like you to get back into shape. I've found a great app on my iPhone called fitbod, which is free but I think $20 for the full version. It uses your goals and baseline, and then generates simple or more complex weight routines for you, which always vary (this is good as it will keep you out of a rut), and also always includes some simple core work (you can do you abs and lower back daily). Best of all, and perhaps best for you (and I've found it SUPER helpful too), is there are linked videos for every exercise demonstrating really good form. I just mimic that, and I've found it useful, challenging and fun since it doesn't have the monotony of doing the same thing day in and day out.

I feel the same way about lifting light weights some time, and I feel insecure a bit too, but you'll find yourself feeling more confident every day (you probably already do a bit). And take it slow, and only increase weight as you feel comfortable and with form that is totally correct. That's most important.

So keep it up and let us know how it goes. and, again, kudos to you for the motivation!

Im kind of in the same boat as you. I went to a gym for s while but quit when I got into a severe depression. Im planning on starting again somehow.

As for weight lifting, that alone wont necessarily improve how your upper body looks. Youll get stronger and your arms may get bigger, but you wont necessarily see the muscle without losing a lot of weight.

I still think weight lifting is good though. With a good workout your heart rate will go up. Usually weight lifting isnt sustained enough to burn tons of calories, but short bursts of muscular exertion will improve your ability to deliver oxygen to your muscles efficiently. It may help you not get winded as badly when doing cardio so you can sustain it longer without feeling like yourdying.

As for cardio, I also hate running. To get my heart rate up I like to hike up hills. In the gym I liked using the stair climber. The fast settings are difficult, so I usually used the slower speeds and only went fast for a couple minutes at the very end.

Really happy to see you working on improving your life. You've got something really positive going on!

I lost a lot of weight, but over a long period of time. I can't handle gyms, but I walk, bike and ski (cross country) in the winter. It was sort of a necessity, as I didn't have a car. It's amazing how much harder it is to put on weight when you can't drive

I'm not an expert on exercise, but I know quite a bit about nutrition and cooking. What I would like to point out is that the kind of food you eat makes a huge difference in how you feel mentally. And how you feel mentally impacts you exercise habits.

It's really good you are avoiding a lot of unhealthy food. That said I would start focusing a bit on eating things that are healthy. There is something really wrong with the cultural mindset that food is an enemy. I'm not saying you have that mindset, but it's pervasive in the Western world, and your diet is too restrictive.

Once I made a mental switch from focusing on what I couldn't eat and instead on what would be good for my body, I started experiencing better moods. Healthy fats is really crucial in this respect; seafood, olive oil, nuts and seeds are great for this. Also, complex carbs.

How are you with food issues?

It looks like things are happening on the exercise front. How about you get a routine going with exercise, and once you feel confident about that, start looking at food habits?

I know that men can be different about these things than women. It may be that dramatic change works better for you than incremental change.

Just don't starve yourself; all you'll do is destroy your metabolism, which seems to be a bit wonky already. Have you ruled out thyroid issues?

Thanks for the ideas. I've already paid for a personal trainer once a month at my gym, which is overpriced but given how much I tend to procrastinate while I focus on details, eventually leading to quitting... so I just overpaid to get started. In a year I'll be more knowledgable and can probably so things at home cuz I'll have a much better idea of what to do and what I want to accomplish...

The form thing is an issue because I'm not completely sure I'm doing things right, but by learning where I'm supposed to feel excersises and what muscles to concentrate on while mimicing others is starting to make things better I think. I do feel better physically. My appearance is something that will come in time. I mean... I'm an ok looking guy just outaa shape is all... how many other 38 year old men are out of shape?

It's hard to fight through depression and do it. Even going to a gym makes me depressed. Still likely getting a divorce makes anything that reminds me of her very sad... and the gym does just that. She's obsessed with working out and nutrition and achieving a certain body image she's chased since before I've known her. IT's like her favorite thing. I heard hours of discussion about what she was doing, and how it was going, and there were a few times she really wanted me to go, but I wouldn't. So now I'm going but feel bad cuz I could have been going with her and sharing her favorite thing and we could be working together to get fitter and healthier. Which we did in some ways during stretches of our marriage... but I digress. MY point is, I still fight through that depression with the knowledge that exercise is the enemy of depression. That I have two choices, not easy, but two choices. I can either give in to my depression, accept it and allow it to keep kicking my ass, o I can make myself several times more uncomfortable battling through it, with the hopes I'm laying the groundwork for more permanent fixes other than placating my urge to sit and wallow. I know the energy leaves you at those times, but you gotta just do it anyway. Do something lighter if you feel like s**t today. But do it. Make it not an option for yourself. You're going like it or not. End of story. I know how hard depression can be to battle, but once you see yourself winning the small battles, your overall sense of well being increases. It does. I'm going thru what's easiest the hardest thing I've ever dealt with and am not holed up thinking of killing myself except for the occasional bad night or two. Fight man. f*****g fight. It may not come as easy to you as it does to me but everyone can make the choice to battle instead of give in.

I'm not looking to really appear muscular really. I'll be a little fat. I just wanna be more solid under the fat and not just skin on top of fat on top of fat. I also want to be able to have energy and accomplish things I want to be able to without being tired. I also am always looking to improve my sexual prowess. So I don't care if I look a little fat still. I'm not trying to be athletic or all carved up. Maybe some day in years if I got really into it sure... but I'd never get that crazy. I like drinking too much, and that's bad news for a body like that. Plus some of the kind of women I like would be less attracted to me if I looked like that. I tend towards the mroe more meek, innocent but filthy underneath, chubbier girls with more of a sweeter disposition. So If I was some really fit guy, I'd attract really fit women, which I do not find to be attractive...

I always been more of an uphill to really strain my cardio too. I've been trying to force myself to run in 45 second to one minute bursts a few times in an hour that Im on the treadmill. I usually go at a fairly decent incline and my walking speed is fast for walking. I'll usually get about 3 miles in and then do my weight s**t. I also have an ab wheel thing that I use a few times a week at home when my arms arent too tired from the gym.

I'm trying to improve my life that's for sure. Got not much else to focus on now. So getting healthier is it.

I thought I couldn't handle gyms until I made myself. I still do have a very hard time some days. But whatever. I pay my money to be there just like the douche bags slamming the weights around like tough guys and glaring at everyone whilst commiserating with their overly self confident and equally overrated female counterparts. I'm doing what I need to to get my life straight and f**k everyone else. I'm tired of anxieties stopping me from doing s**t. I've just reached that point in my own personal development where I'm fed up. I'm tired of throwing my hands up on certain things I 'can't handle' that I haven't even really given fair chance to. So I go and I don't care how intimidating it is, because ultimately I have control of my life not my mind and it's limitations and constantly shifting perspectives.

I actually do know a fair amount about cooking and nutrition myself. My wife was very intense into nutrition, supplements, very knowledgeable. So just by discussing that for hours and having an interest anyways, I picked up alot. Plus I went through a two year Food Network binge and learned all this stuff about cooking, got pretty good and then got really depressed and stopped everything related to living a normal productive life other than work, pay bills, and bathe.

My issue is I have some undiagnosed digestive issue that comes and goes, but mostly is present. And over the years I've found things that seem to make it worse. And that involves most vegetables, particularly raw ones. I do not eat seafood at all, though I would consider having it, but cannot cook anything in my living situation right now. So, when you combine the fact that I cannot cook and have digestive limitations, I've just made my diet basic and easy to execute given my goals and life circumstances. It's my only reasonable choice. I know my diet should be far more varied, but I cant take or do it. I do try to adequately supplement myself, and think I do a fair job based on how I feel. If I were vitamin or mineral deficient I'd be having a harder time than I am both mentally and physically.

I've noticed that the only way I can really tolerate the gym experience is headphones, and they help me stay in my own world and I avoid focusing on anyone else there, to be honest. Working out hard is one of the very few things that breaks my obsessive/anxious/depression thinking, and it gets me out of my head for a bit. Yes, it's not fun, but doing it routinely it gets to be the least painless But I really need sound isolation there, and I stay really focused on what I'm doing, and not on others. It's the only way that I feel that I can survive there.

And form is key, too. I've been injured and I need to avoid that as much as possible since working out is one of few outlets. Just be wary. I've been injured working with a personal trainer too, so make sure they don't push you too hard.

Keep it up!

My problem is I get frustrated when I'm not making any progress then lose motivation. For some reason when I'm really depressed I can't make any gains. This makes me think my depression is related to some kind of physical inflammation in my body somewhere. It's like I have some kind of low-grade flu. My body just starts sucking ass. It starts to feel pointless when I'm not getting any stronger.


I'm the same. I don't care about my looks so much. I just like getting stronger. I don't like the "ripped" or super "toned" look on women either. I don't find it attractive. I think women are supposed to have more subcutaneous fat than guys.


That's good. The stair climb is my favorite though. It kind of simulates hiking up a mountain. On a real mountain the downhill part does a number on my legs. I can barely walk for a few days afterwards so I can't really do it regularly. Gravity is harsh.

Well I do everything with headphones. I have them on so often they should be attached... But it's really hard to me not to rush because it's usually crowded when I go and I feel pressure of people watching me. So I'm not really taking my time and concentrating.

I just watched a bunch of videos actually and see where I was doing s**t wrong so I gotta try to do it better.

I think we've discussed this, but I've had similar issues with that low-grade flu thing. I would try to get further testing done to see if you have either low testosterone, or some vitamin deficiency. I've found a few good products that help me, but they are sort of pricey. Without my vitamins for a few days, I lose alot of my strength and just wanna put my head down all day. And even mild exertion makes me lightheaded and break out into cold sweats. So if it happens I stop and try again tomorrow. Depression is funny because it can cause you to feel like s**t physically, or physical ailments/imbalances can themselves cause the depression. Do you have any ideas what it could be?




Downhill is hell on my legs and back. I need a walking stick for sure or I will f**k my back up. I got a mountain up in north Jersey I'm gonna hike up again in the fall. It's a pretty killer hike... about 1700 ft to a point overlooking the delaware water gap... it's cool. I did it once before with my ex. Which will make me sad but f**k it.

I take a lot of vitamin D and also fish oil. I don't know what it is and doctors don't know. I fear it has something to do with being on antidepressants for to long. I'd rather not think about that though. Thinking about it just makes me worse. I'm hoping maybe it will get better if my mood gets better.


I used to do a lot of hiking when I lived in Seattle. There's a mountain called Mailbox Peak that literally has a mailbox on top. It is 5 miles and 4000 ft elevation gain just to reach the top... then you have to get back down. It takes me 4 hours up and at least 3 down. I'm 250 lbs. I can hardly walk for the next 2-3 days after. My quads get destroyed.

You can actually take too much vitamin D so I'd be careful with that. Doctors are often useless when it comes to anything that doesn't read right out of a textbook.

4000 ft is f*****g seirous man. 4 hours up and 3 down is no BS. That's insanity. You're energy levels cant be that bad of you can do that...

I got bloodwork done multiple times. While taking 6000 UI a day my vitamin D level is a around 30. Without it's around 10. 20-30 is considered "ok" and 30-40 is considered "healthy". It really takes 6000 IU a day to get me to the bottom range of "healthy".


With no work to go to the following days I can push myself on a one-off type of thing. I don't think I could do it if I was required to go to work the day after. I'm pretty wiped out the next couple days after a big hike like that.

Anyways, my problem seems to be more one of chronic sleepiness and depressed feelings than low overall energy. If I am exerting myself I'm not sleepy until I stop (I do sometimes get headaches and nausea though that too seems to come on after I stop). However, if I have to go to work at 7am and sit at a desk I will be nodding off and miserable, barely able to function. It doesn't help that most work is boring as s**t. I don't understand how "normal" people can function. I always have to quit. I'd almost do better with a physical job. Funny though, mornings were a problem for me even before I became depressed.

Personally, I would recommend holding off on the gym for a while and sticking to cardio around the neighborhood. If you adhere to a natural diet, limit your grain and sugar consumption, jog for as many days a week as you can (and push yourself to do no worse than you did the last time), you will see noticeable results within six months. (If you cannot run or jog, walks should suffice.) By that time, you will have raised your stamina and detoxified your body to an optimal state for hopefully easier, better gains at the gym. And you would have saved money in doing so.

This is what I did years ago; for what it's worth, I went from being a flabby butterball to having washboard abs. Dedication, consistency, and patience.

Ultimately, your diet is the most important factor, as it will either make or break you. I would even suggest giving your digestive system a month to become acclimated to your new diet before you truly get started.