I want my mum to quit smoking.

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I have smoked about 7 cigarettes, been stoned on weed about 20 times, twice tried psychedelic seeds, once snorted Ritalin, and drunk to the point of intoxication 4 times. Cigarettes, weed, psychedelics and amphetamines are completely gone from my mindset. That's my entire history of drug use, out of the way.

My mum smokes, she has been for about a year, and she's tried her hardest to keep it secret. I don't know if my dad knows, but I know that she doesn't want me or my brother and sister to know. I know, because I've caught her smoking twice and she thinks she covered up the evidence fast enough. She didn't. She also likes to vanish into the backyard to "check the plants" and comes back in 3 minutes later reeking of tobacco. She has developed a smoker's cough and it has even been noticed by my brother: "That stupid cough."

So it's not openly known. I don't know if my brother and sister know, and I don't "officially" know, so nobody tells anyone anything.

Dad had been a smoker since he was 17. Late last year he suffered a minor heart attack as the result of two blocked arteries. He has since undergone a double bypass and has quit smoking.

I want to get my mum to stop, but I'm too scared of her reaction to actually confront her on it. Neither of us are good socially, and I think we'd just end up being awkward and try not to remember any such conversation, while the problem continues on unhindered.

Last week I took her cigarettes and taped a piece of paper to them which read, "Please quit smoking." I don't know if she saw it or not, but she still continues to make her 3-minute ventures into the backyard. I don't know if she's addicted or merely using cigarettes as a stress reliever, so I don't know if putting some Nicorette gum next to her cigarettes will be of any use. Maybe the gesture will show her that she should stop smoking, even if she doesn't need the gum.

Anyone been in a similar situation? Anyone had any bad smoking habits that took a long time to kick?

Hello there,

The last time I quit smocking was for the safe of someone else.
It didn't last long: I like too much smoking (great addiction you could also say).

I think that your mother is a big girl and she probably already knows everything about the risks, the price and everything that one needs to know about smoking before doing it.

She keeps smoke outside the house and far away from her family's lungs and noses.

What do you want more?
Take away from her her little breaks in the garden?

Do you have something else to propose to her in exchange?
Has she been a long smoker in the past?

it is very hard to convince anyone else to quit a habit.

one approach that may help is to be strong enough to brave the awkwardness and speak to her directly. if it is just too hard, or if you really can't get the words out as well as you want, try writing a letter. in the letter or conversation, it is important to express how much you care about her and how her smoking makes you feel (i.e. worried, scared, sad, frustrated, exasperated, disappointed, whatever).

it may not convince her to quit, but it is a good exercise to help you to communicate your feelings outwardly. you are clearly very worried about your mom, and if you don't let that come out, it may start to affect your relationship with her.

but finally, remember that regardless of whether she is using smoking because of an emotional crutch or physical addiction, she can't be convinced to quit. the ultimate motivation will come from inside herself. so don't allow yourself to feel responsible for her health or well-being and don't feel guilty if you can't make her stop.