18 Feb 2012, 10:42 pm
My doctor has confirmed that I am experiencing Cholinergic Urticaria, or, a hives reaction to increased body heat.
So basically whenever I get warm, I feel like I'm being stabbed by hundreds of pins, and I break out in hives all over my arms and torso. And it's so itchy and painful that I want to peel off my skin. This reaction is triggered by physical exertion, warm rooms, and emotions.
It's been getting worse. The reaction is quite bad now, and it seems to be triggered more easily.
I have to sing in a masterclass on Friday. For 45 minutes I will be singing and being directed by a professional, in front of my peers. I am not unduly anxious about the actual singing. I've worked hard and I sound good. But getting put on the spot like that is going to make me have a hives reaction.
I asked my teacher what I should do and he told me to "be a man". I think he assumes it's performance anxiety. I tried to explain, but I don't think I did a very good job.
What do I do? Double dosing on antihistamines doesn't work. I have the hives reaction at least twice a day. I need to get through 45 minutes of singing in front of people, but if I get the reaction, I might have to stop. It's seriously so aggravating that I can't concentrate while it's happening.
I'm not nervous about singing. I'm nervous that I'm going to have a reaction while I'm in front of people. If I have to stop, I'm going to be so embarrassed. And everyone will think I'm nervous and it's not that I'm nervous, it's that my frickin body is allergic to itself.
