Anyone else here do taekwondo? Advice needed

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Hello, I do taekwondo with my son, have been doing it for about 7 years now and I really enjoy it. Usually I'd never be able to voluntarily get together with a bunch of people and interact, but there's something about the discipline, and the routine of it, and the lack of close contact that makes it OK.

Anyway, I'm now at the point where I'm going to have to take my black belt in the not-too-distant future, and I've been ducking it for about 2 years as I know I won't be able to do it, and I'll let my instructors down. When you go to take your black belt you have to go in front of a panel of 6th and 7th Dan judges and I really can't perform if I'm being watched. It's kind of like a quantum event for me - any observation fatally alters the outcome (if I'm aware of it!) I shake like a leaf if I even think I might have to do anything in front of the class and I just go blank in my mind, and can't even speak. When I'm not in that situation, I'm fine, and I can do everything well - I'm even able to teach the little ones, as I am quiet and patient so I don't scare them like the big black belts

The instructors know something's up, but they think it's just nerves and that I should have got over it by now. A large part of it is nerves, but I know I'll never get over it to the point where I'll be able to do it. They have said they are going to start making me do everything in front of the class on a regular basis "to get me used to it so I get over my nerves" but when they said that I just couldn't manage to make myself even go to the class for about 3 weeks. I went again today and they did get me to do a pattern in front of people and I just shook and totally zoned out, staring at a wall - I couldn't do anything. Really embarrassing and awful.

Any ideas for how to deal with this or get past it? I don't want to give up and stop coming as I really enjoy it, and I want to show a good example for my son.

Would anxiety medication help? Since it's for just an specific event, I'd try that.

Like beta-blockers? I vaguely remember having those for my driving test years and years ago (similar situation, kept on having lessons and putting off my test until I absolutely had to do it!) They seemed to help a bit, but I was still up at 4am throwing up and shaking- managed not to throw up during the test though, although I couldn't walk when I got out of the car! The examiner didn't need me to be able to talk to him though, just follow instructions and not crash into anything! Not a bad idea though..... thanks

I never had that particular issue when I studied Karate, but I very much dislike being watched doing a task, especially if I have to go quickly with it. As irrational as it is, I always imagine them thinking, "Oh for Christ's sakes, HURRY UP!" or "Is that the best he can do? Seriously?" But the truth of the matter is that people are rarely as harsh in their thoughts as you imagine them to be. My recommendation is to practice with your son. Let him watch you perform your forms and, when he sees a mistake, verbally correct you. Not only will you get better from the practice, but you'll actually know for sure what someone's thinking instead of imagining the worst.

I do Aikido instead of Tae Kwon Do, but I had a similar problem when I was belt testing last April. It was crazy because my sensie did a mock test with me in the middle of class while everyone else was working like normal and not watching me and I did great, the next day for the test I paniced, and made several silly mistakes. I passed but not with the same ease that is normal. I am generally known for doing all my techniques supper smooth, and during the test I was suddenly jercky and it looked odd.

First I would tell your head instructor that you have AS so that he/she knows that the anxiety is not just performance anxiety. They may also give you some consessions, such as video taping your test not in front of a bunch of people and letting the 6th and 7th dans who would otherwise be watching grade the video taped test (I do not know if this would help you or if it would be allowed).

Second, is there anything that you do while practicing that you do not do in a testing situation? For me that is talking. I talk my way through each an every technique no matter how well I know it. My last test I started out silient, and I was horrible, but half way through I started talking to myself like normal and I did much better for the rest of the test.

Something to calm you down like an anti-anxiety drug might be a good idea, but test it out first to make sure that it does not make you sleepy and that you can still do physical activity while taking it.
I would be cautious about a beta blocker because it is not for anxiety, it just decreases your heart rate and or blood pressure, and you do not want to go into bradycardia and you do not want your blood pressure to drop in the middle of the test and for you to pass out.

Thanks for your replies- glad to know I'm not the only one who struggles with this

I haven't told anyone about AS issues as I'd rather they didn't know, and I don't think it would make any difference to the testing anyway. My son is a lower grade than me, so he can't really tell me if I'm doing anything wrong, but he does say I look at the floor rather than in the direction of my attacks/ defences and he says I never look at the people I'm sparring with or doing blocks and releases with, so I'm trying to look at their chins instead, which is better than their feet

Point taken about anti-anxiety medication - will look into that further! I don't do anything different in practicing to what I would do in the test, except for the fact that the grading situation and mock gradings are in front of people and I know I'm being observed. It doesn't seem to matter who observes me, I still have the same reaction whether it is the instructors, black belts or the class, but it is not a problem at home, so maybe I'll just have to wait till my son gets to 6th or 7th dan and get him to grade me

Thanks for your advice, makes me feel better about it all I'm wondering whether music might help - if I can have earphones in with music playing at a low level it might distract me a bit from what's going on around me.....

Do you schedule regular visits to a psychiatrist? (not sure how to express it in English... weird sentence)

I'm saying that because I asked the doc to give me "emergency pills", to use on those extra stressful situations.
So, if you are in any kind of theraphy, maybe you could ask for something similar.

Good luck!

No, no therapy or psych

When I tested for my belt, it was in front of a ninth-degree black belt, which was also pretty intimidating. I shake too, but I still got my belt because my form was perfect, my breaking was perfect, and I wrote a fantastic essay saying that a black belt doesn't mean s**t [more eloquently].

As long as you can do your form and break your board they don't care so much. Just be loud when you yell, kick hard, punch hard, etc etc...

I always just try to visualize attackers when I do my form so that I'm not thinking about it. It might work for you if you can train yourself to thing about it.

Hi! I'm a 22yro aspie, I have my black belt in karate and I'm now doing kickboxing

I agree with you that the structured classes and the routines have a comforting effect. I used these structured movements when I was performing for my grades. I thought about the movements I was doing and the micro movements that were associated with them... I found practicing before the class and sometimes after helped me because while people were watching I could take a second to recap if I needed, eventually I got used to this and just took steps from there

I'm just starting going for my first belt soon and know what your talking about. I'm afraid that old habits will come back during the test like looking down lower than expected or a sloppy 180 degree turn with feet acting clumsy. My instructors a bit intense but that's one of the thing that makes me move forward.

P.S. I'm takingTaekwon-Do.

All I can say is stick it out, I used to panic when asked to go up, and was put on the spot. Including one panic attack when I was one of a group doing pretty standard stuff.

Now I regularly get up in front of the class, demonstrate, start the warmups, instruct, etc. I am a lot more relaxed and confident. It did take some years but I got there.

These things take time, you have to be in it for the long haul. Never been a fan of the panel type grading for various reasons, but given that challenge, do the best that you can, just focus on the task.