Point-by-point sound-off:
-I couldn't move the left side of my face on Friday, so I went to the hospital.
-After a clear CT scan and physical, Dr. said it was an open-and-shut case of Bell's Palsy. (A temporary paralysis of the face, caused in this case by latent chicken-pox virus)
-Doctor assured me it was a) nothing to do with stroke or heart-attack, and b) utterly, completely not environmental, at all. Nothing to do with pesticides, or aspartame.
-Then it started: The calls. Oh god, the goddamn calls, and the goddamn lecture:
"This is a warning sign, not a lot of people get a warning!"
"That stuff is bad for you, and we don't know everything about the human body"
"Doctors can be wrong, you know!"
"My cousin/aunt/nephew/niece/roommate got diagnosed with Bell's Palsy, three weeks later they had a stroke and died!"
"You have to make a serious choice about your health!"
-The only people who believe aspartame is harmful are gullible idiots who think Wikipedia, Time magazine, the Lancet, the Mayo Clinic, and the FDA of every English speaking nation on Earth are all lying, but some tinfoil-hatted, crystal-loving, patchouli-drenched hippie is an irrefutable source.
-I drink between 1-4 litres of diet pop a day. I do not want to give it up.
-I don't smoke, hardly drink, don't do drugs, don't like sweets or candy.
-Diet Pepsi is totally and completely and unabashedly: my addiction, and my crutch. I drink it to get through the day. The hardest thing about Asperger's is dealing with people. I hate, no, I HATE, no I @#$%^& HATE dealing with PEOPLE!! !! !! ! That bottle of caffeinated bubbly awesome is the only thing keeping me from angrily lashing out at everyone from the stranger on the street who keeps looking at me and doesn't tell me why, to the old lady with the seventeen surgeries lined up who chooses me to sit beside on the bus and tell her tales of woe in lurid detail, to my co-workers who only seem to ever speak to me when it needs to be done 5 hours ago, to my friends who are all richer, happier, smarter, and get laid more than me, and are all MISERABLE, to my spouse who seems to need EVERYTHING repeated to him in a slow, even tone seven times before it sinks in, and to every jerk I ever meet ever! And it isn't even for THEIR benefit! It's for MINE!! !! !! I HATE this about myself! I HATE that I am an emotional powder-keg with all the self-control of an incontinent puppy! I HATE that I am pathetically easy to emotionally manipulate! and I HATE GETTING UPSET AT ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!! !! !! !! !!
....so I drink some @#$%ing diet pepsi, and I calm the #$%^ down....so that I can function in this lame-ass sham we call society...
...and now they want to take that away from me.
...why?