chocolate

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Between 2012 and August 2022, ate one serving of chocolate a day. (about 200 calories). Some articles claim that chocolate feels like love in the brain. 2016, gave up plenty of foods that I used to love, eat often, and eat a lot of: sweet potatoes, Clif bars. Gave them up immediately, permanently, drastically, and easily. Do not even crave them. However, chocolate took a lot of time and effort to give up. It was like a drug addiction or something.

Physically and emotionally, have not noticed any changes in my worthless corpse since giving up chocolate. However, it is not a controlled experiment. When I was eating chocolate, I was 29 to 39.5 years old. Now I am 41.5 years old. So, all things equal, (which they are not), if I am (or if I were) the same physically and emotionally @ 41.5, as I was @ 29, then I am actually improving. On the other hand, not all variables can be measured or controlled. Weight has remained the same. (However, percent body fat could have gone up while weight stayed the same). Blood pressure and pulse about the same. Bloodwork looks about the same (although plenty of other factors could be influencing bloodwork, not just chocolate.) When I was 40 years and 2 months old, I started having to take a nap, two hours after waking up, on days off work. Otherwise, energy levels have been about the same for the past two years. On the other hand, it is not possible to measure energy levels, and other factors could be affecting energy levels too. Always been uptight/edgy. Loud noises scare me, but it's always been like that. Touch sensitivity.

In the past two years, I have not changed in any significant way, that I know of, thus far: athletically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, occupationally.

However, still craving chocolate.

Considering, after work anniversary 4 years, October 8, 2024, considering that from that day on, I eat one serving of chocolate (max) per day, for the rest of my stupidass "life".

My "life" has gone sideways. When I was 12, I just assumed that by 41, I would've accomplished *something*. But, *no*. (rolls eyes). I feel like a f*****g failure. No STEM job/degree/license. Not even a professional job, s**t. I feel so f*****g ashamed of myself. Home Depot does background checks, but also hires convicted felons. The job description says "lift fifty pounds", but there is no lifting test. When a job interviewer asks "Can you lift fifty pounds?", anyone could answer "yes". They might not "know" they can lift fifty pounds, or maybe they lifted fifty pounds ten years ago, or maybe they lifted a barbell. But lifting fifty pounds of concrete is much harder than lifting a fifty pound barbell, <i>even though they both weigh fifty pounds </i>. And then, as a Lot Attendant, you are often lifting more than one bag of concrete. And you sometimes have to lift the concrete over your head, onto the ground, or in an awkward configuration. Zero "friends". Single, zero children. No car. Minimum wage, part time job that any old monkey could do. Physically much weaker than I would have wanted or expected (based on effort). Mentally much slower. Academically stupider. Socially awkward and emotionally fragile. Bowel movements a disaster. Back pain. Itchy. And only 41 and rapidly getting worse, s**t.

Chocolate I used to eat daily: Twix, Kit Kat, Reese's.

Considering giving up. I've been over the hill for a longfuck time. "You only live once." Giving up chocolate is not a LinkedIn accomplishment. s**t. Plenty of precious lil "people", 65 years old, work two full time jobs. Restaurant, retail, sales. Standing up jobs. Minimum wage, menial labor, manual labor. And they are in worse health than me and they are fatter than me. But "life" goes on. My workplace has plenty of fat employees, and they appear to be able to do the same things as skinny people, and that includes living long lifespans. Some of them are married, have children, have second jobs, drive cars, have friends, talk on the phone, go on vacations for a couple of weeks. And some of those fat employees are 75, 69, or 65 years old.

On the other hand, considering just making my diet stricter, b/c for Lot Attendant, I have to be in better health.

Nature vs nurture

nothing i do is ever good enough, s**t.

It's a rare day that I do not eat a kilocalorie of chocolate.
Hell.... I once ate a packet of chocolate biscuits and a family bag of kit-kats while walking home from the 711

october 8,

12 days away s**t

craving chocolate like f**k.

it's weird, there's no food i really want, even though i only eat the same couple of foods every day, and got sick of them a long time ago. but $$$ and do not know how to cook and trying to not gain weight and other ret*d forms of BS s**t.

some articles claim that chocolate feels like love in the brain.

french fries
lasagna
fried chicken
ice cream
salmon
sushi
burritos
tacos
french fries
donuts
pie
pancakes

Why did you give up chocolate?

I thought that if I gave up chocolate I would lose weight, better blood work, less uptight, more energetic and better sleep.

But I am still the same as when I ate one kit Kat a day at age 39.5

On the other hand maybe if I were to have eaten one kit Kat a day for the last two years, maybe my health would be even worse than it is now

I don't know

Dropped tool
Identity theft
Sick
Missed insurance deadline
Tattle tale tom, other coworkers and day laborers and customers bothering me
Wet in the rain all day long
Disaster bowel movements

Depends. Chocolate has theobromine. It's a lot like caffeine - a mild stimulant. Not as strong an effect as caffeine but the effect lasts longer.

A kitkat a day would be unlikely to disrupt sleep or make you feel uptight, but eating lots of chocolate, particularly dark chocolate which has more of it, would probably disrupt sleep. Especially if you eat it a few hours before bed.

If you miss chocolate, maybe try having it in moderation instead of cutting it out completely. Don’t stress about where you are in life.

You got a similar set of diet like I do.

Except I have genes that prevents me from becoming visibly obese, on top of my habit of walking for several hours and my crappy sleep quality...

But inside, metabolically, I'm vulnerable, sensitive, intolerant, inefficient and likely unhealthy on top of my family history of paternal side of metabolic issues.


I've searched that metabolic issues do cause executive dysfunction and brain fog.
Looking at my family history and my paternal side relatives dietary habits makes me not wanna be like them.

Oh, sure, they're NTs; they can afford those metabolic issues, make do, adapt and cope, still run businesses and have full time jobs...

But I can't afford those same issues like they do. I already knew that.
While I'm trying to progress painfully slowly throughout the years on what I should eat; it helped that I got over emotional issues that made me a bit too dependent on comfort foods as a means to quell hidden hurts and internal intolerance; things beyond external stress that is clearly not yet looked like "anxiety".

I'm not 30 yet. I have time. Limited time.
I give myself until age of 60 before giving up and just die of whatever malnutrition or health complications if living in a whiny body just feels so inconvenient...

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haven't eaten chocolate thus far

craving it like f**k s**t

upcoming milestones:

11/1, first day of november
11/3 daylight savings time
11/5 election day
11/7 insurnace
11/21, insurance closed
11/25 old mans birthday

thanksgiving
black friday
christmas
kwanzaa
new years eve
new years day

________________________________________

pretty soon i'm gonna be like former lot attendant adam. he was so f*****g fat he barely fit through the stupidass hallway. he hardly ever did jack s**t. even less than that lazy lil girl initials N.O. (rolls eyes).

cravings gone haywire

coworkers eating:

mcdonalds
food cart
raising cains
panda express
popeyes

burger king
guadalajara
in n out


yesterday was daylight savings time. tomorrow is election day. november 11, veterans day. november 7, insurance day.

chocolate
peanut butter
cookies
fried chicken
muffins

when i feel sad, scared, angry, depressed, or anything like that, crave emotional overeating.

s**t.

some articles say that chocolate feels like love in the brain.

decomposing
deteriorating
rotting in my Pigpen s**t


11/17 half marathon
11/21 health insurance enrollment period closed
11/27 jury duty
11/28 thanksgiving

craving chocolate

especially when sleepy and exhausted and s**t and stressed as f**k.

hate the long commute to work

It is obviously very important to make sure that you get your minimum daily requirement of Vitamin Chocolate each and every day.

11/25 (today) was my (dead) old man's birthday
11/27 jury duty (already excused), thank buddha
11/28 thanksgiving
12/25 christmas

craving chocolate

out of control

"life" has gone sideways

feels so f*****g helpless and overpowered and wounded, s**t!

My recent "vacation" (more like a family emergency far enough to need a plane ride; and urgent enough to fly to because my uncle died) made me realized how much I rely on chocolate to be in a cheery mood.

I kept doing it because it just feels good.
It also gives some people entertainment and I tend to be a bit shameless.

Also more adventurous than usual.
Else, I'd be irritable and prone to reactivity.


And that's just sugar.
And me trying to make the best of those very limited novel time by prioritizing external excitement.

... Still, chocolates isn't enough to bury basic needs irritation from me.
Being hangry, being off when too full, pressued because holding bowels and bladders in, the toxic feeling that lasts for several minutes to hours whenever I wake up from either nap or sleep, etc.

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