Major self esteem issues

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Within the past few months I started lifting everyday for an hour or two and gained a good 20 or so lbs of muscle. I'm at 180 with about 6-12 percent body fat, max bench over 200 lbs. I've been getting pretty big apparently, as everyone keeps commenting on it. My sister says sometimes I scare some people with it, although I haven't noticed it. However, I always get this image in my head of the skinny little rat I used to be, especially when I go over 4 hours or so without eating anything. Whenever I look in the mirror, I see skinny too. My psychiatrist thinks this is a deep rooted issue, since my appearance doesn't match my own warped view, and suggested me get therapy for these issues. As embarassed as I am to say it, my appearance became everything for me, mainly my weight and build and if I lose a couple pounds I freak out, but it's not really vanity so much as insecurity. Why am I the only one not seeing this and how do I overcome this obsession?

20 lbs of muscle in 3 months, wow

Read this link about body dysmorphic disorder, commen in body builders, way more commen then you would think
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dysmorphic_disorder
You can also find info about this on most popular bodybuilding sites (BTW, I have not read these links so I cant say how acurate they are)
http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/sclark68.htm
http://www.askmen.com/sports/bodybuilding/56_fitness_tip.html

Thank you very much! I never knew there was a name for what I have, but it fits me perfectly. I wonder if hypnosis would work for this sort of thing...

as long as it's not adversely affecting your health, like bulimia or anorexia, don't let anyone tell you wanting to look your best is a disorder. If a disorder makes you more likely to get laid, perhaps it's not such a bad thing to have.

It's funny how people's perceptions and assumptions are biased, though. When I first started working out religiously (at the age of 32), a girl I worked with who hadn't known me before, once made some comment (because of my size) that I must have been a bully in school. To this day, I find that the most remarkably absurd and wildly inaccurate assessment I've ever seen anyone leap to.

If we must have our Aspergian routines, there are many worse habits one could have than lifting weights and doing ab crunches.

Well yes, the above is right, BUT, and this is the VERY important part, if you are thinking it is becoming a problem for you, then it probably is. Just the fact that you are here talking about it, and it sounds like it is causing you problems, then you should get help for it before it gets out of control.

Just wanted to get that out of the way, as people will probably tell you this does not seem like a problem, but that is from there view point, as they really dont know what YOU are feeling.

About the hypnosis, it is very hit and mis, because for every well made hypnosis session there are 20 made to rip people off. Hypnosis might be good to try for certain situations, situations where the outcome is not going to be worse then when you started. For instance I tried hypnosis to get myself motivated to train more, when I was not sticking to my training plan, and it worked. But in that situation if the hypnosis did not work, I would not have been any worse off. See what I am saying? If you think this is going to continue to get worse over time, you are better off skipping all the alternative methods and do what your psychiatrist says. Just my opinion

Also wanted to add, going to therapy or whatever help you get, they probably are NOT going to say stop lifting, but more like giving you help and techniques to deal with the problem so you get it under control and body image under control, this way you will be able to see your acomplishment and be happy with yourself.

That's all fine and good, but i'm looking for relationship, although the opportunities have presented themselves in the past. I want any partner I have to look past my body, but I figure lifting helps get my foot in the door.

never weigh yourself
never look in the mirror except for your face